Where do we go from here?

Post by Isabella-

So, I just got home from another horrible day of work. I know that this summer internship is only six more weeks, but I don't know how to survive it. Firstly, I'm dead sick and I've been at work for the past 10 hours (got in early, left late, had an hour lunch...etc.). I also had to deal with the horror of my supervisor today. I don't know...I just don't know. I hate everything about my job--the job itself, how the job makes me feel, my supervisor. I want to quit. I so desperately want to quit. I have since my first day there. That should have tipped me off from the get go. But I stayed with it thinking that everything would be fine. But now I feel just as bad if not worse than my first week at the job.

When I got home, I called my advisor and left a voicemail saying I'm thinking about quitting my internship and to have her, please, call me tomorrow at some point. I'm planning on not going to work tomorrow if I feel as bad as I do now so it won't matter when she calls me if I'm not at work. Everyone I'm talking to says that I should quit--except my roommate who understands that getting my internship class done is very important--and they wonder why I haven't quit yet. I want to quit, a lot, but I'm also torn by what I know should be done--what would be done if I were a proper stand up person.

But I'm tired of being belittled, made to feel stupid for being ignorant on how that newspaper is run, and yelled at. I'm tired of having half an hour to myself at night to relax (because when I get home at 7:30 p.m. or later, I start getting stuff ready for the next day and only have half an hour before I have to go to bed) and ten minutes in the morning to do the same. I'm tired of being afraid of my supervisor. I'm tired of all of it.

I know that it's not right for me to quit the job and I know I only have six weeks left which is practically no time at all. I just can't handle it. I thought I could, but I can't. I seriously contemplated suicide on Friday night on my way home from work. That sounds melodramatic and it was. But it's the truth. And there is no place scarier to be than in the driver seat of a car, going 80 miles an hour, when the thought of suicide hits.

I know that in quitting, I'm being a failure and I'm setting myself up for problems in the future. But the me in the here and now knows that if I don't leave this job there's a chance that I won't have a future.