Sunday, December 25, 2011
Happy Christmas
So, I know I've been failing at this lately and I apologize. I WILL get back into the swing of things, I promise. I just wanted to jump on here and wish everyone a very Happy Christmas. I lovez you guys! Have a great holiday and I will see you on the other side.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Hebrews 4:12
"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."
The word of God is powerful. When reading the Bible, God speaks to you (or he should at least, if you ask him to speak to you). It can bring you comfort, assurance, and it can tell you something that you may not want to hear, but need to. It penetrates deep.
I'm having trouble getting my thoughts right now, so I found a short devotion over this verse.
v.12 “‘Living and active’ shows that there is a dynamic quality about God’s revelation. It does things. Specifically it penetrates and, in this capacity, is likened to a ‘double-edged sword’ (for the sword, cf. Isa 49:2; Eph 6:17; Rev 19:15; and for the double-edged idea, cf. Rev 1:16; 2:12).
The Word of God is unique. No sword can penetrate as it can.”
“What the author is saying is that God’s Word can reach to the innermost recesses of our being. We must not think that we can bluff our way out of anything, for there are no secrets hidden from God. We cannot keep our thoughts to ourselves. There may also be the thought that the whole of man’s nature, however we divide it, physical as well as nonmaterial, is open to God. With ‘judges’ we move to legal terminology. The Word of God passes judgment on men’s feelings (enthymeseon) and on their thoughts (ennoion). Nothing evades the scope of this Word. What man holds as most secret he finds subject to its scrutiny and judgment.”
(gracepointdevotions.org)
The word of God is powerful. When reading the Bible, God speaks to you (or he should at least, if you ask him to speak to you). It can bring you comfort, assurance, and it can tell you something that you may not want to hear, but need to. It penetrates deep.
I'm having trouble getting my thoughts right now, so I found a short devotion over this verse.
v.12 “‘Living and active’ shows that there is a dynamic quality about God’s revelation. It does things. Specifically it penetrates and, in this capacity, is likened to a ‘double-edged sword’ (for the sword, cf. Isa 49:2; Eph 6:17; Rev 19:15; and for the double-edged idea, cf. Rev 1:16; 2:12).
The Word of God is unique. No sword can penetrate as it can.”
“What the author is saying is that God’s Word can reach to the innermost recesses of our being. We must not think that we can bluff our way out of anything, for there are no secrets hidden from God. We cannot keep our thoughts to ourselves. There may also be the thought that the whole of man’s nature, however we divide it, physical as well as nonmaterial, is open to God. With ‘judges’ we move to legal terminology. The Word of God passes judgment on men’s feelings (enthymeseon) and on their thoughts (ennoion). Nothing evades the scope of this Word. What man holds as most secret he finds subject to its scrutiny and judgment.”
(gracepointdevotions.org)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Hebrews
"You, Lord, laid the foundation of the earth in the beginning, and the heavens are the work of your hands; they will perish, but you remain...you are the same, and your years will have no end." 1:10-12
Everything on this earth will eventually die. The buildings and cars will corrode, people die, animals die, plants die. Mountains will crumble. The sun will eventually burn out. The only thing that will stay forever is God. He has always been here. Since he created the world, he was obviously here before the world. It is kind of hard to wrap your mind around that. We should be putting all of our trust in God, since he is eternal (okay, that is not the only reason to put your trust in him), instead of putting our trust into things that will eventually die.
"Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it...how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" 2:1, 2b
Both Isabella and myself have mentioned how we have neglected our walk with God. I think these verses goes with that. Thinking about the depression and money problems and whatnot that we have gone through. It was stupid to think that we could do it on our own. Had we listened to God during these times, things would have worked out differently. But then if we had listened to God, I doubt we would be doing these blogs. If Isabella had talked with God before now, she probably would not have cut herself. She would not be having such a hard time with her breakup. If I had listened to God, I would have had my bills paid off and would not be worrying about it. There is a lot of "what-ifs" in this paragraph. We did neglect our salvation, so we are struggling. Only by building on it now will we get out of our situations. Not saying it will be easy, or that it will happen right away, or that things will go that way that we want it to. But God will deliver us in the way we need to be.
"What is man, that you are mindful of him?"
Why does God care for us so much? We are sinful. We misuse his name. Fight with each other over something as stupid as stealing someone's pencil, or suing someone because the coffee that spilled on them was hot. There is no reason for him to take notice of us. But for some reason, he does. He loves us. He wants us to be close to him. There is something about us that is beautiful to him. He did makes us from his image. If he is beautiful, it makes sense that we are too. We just let the world get in our way. We can't see God so he doesn't really exist. If he didn't exist, how do you explain the world?
Everything on this earth will eventually die. The buildings and cars will corrode, people die, animals die, plants die. Mountains will crumble. The sun will eventually burn out. The only thing that will stay forever is God. He has always been here. Since he created the world, he was obviously here before the world. It is kind of hard to wrap your mind around that. We should be putting all of our trust in God, since he is eternal (okay, that is not the only reason to put your trust in him), instead of putting our trust into things that will eventually die.
"Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it...how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" 2:1, 2b
Both Isabella and myself have mentioned how we have neglected our walk with God. I think these verses goes with that. Thinking about the depression and money problems and whatnot that we have gone through. It was stupid to think that we could do it on our own. Had we listened to God during these times, things would have worked out differently. But then if we had listened to God, I doubt we would be doing these blogs. If Isabella had talked with God before now, she probably would not have cut herself. She would not be having such a hard time with her breakup. If I had listened to God, I would have had my bills paid off and would not be worrying about it. There is a lot of "what-ifs" in this paragraph. We did neglect our salvation, so we are struggling. Only by building on it now will we get out of our situations. Not saying it will be easy, or that it will happen right away, or that things will go that way that we want it to. But God will deliver us in the way we need to be.
"What is man, that you are mindful of him?"
Why does God care for us so much? We are sinful. We misuse his name. Fight with each other over something as stupid as stealing someone's pencil, or suing someone because the coffee that spilled on them was hot. There is no reason for him to take notice of us. But for some reason, he does. He loves us. He wants us to be close to him. There is something about us that is beautiful to him. He did makes us from his image. If he is beautiful, it makes sense that we are too. We just let the world get in our way. We can't see God so he doesn't really exist. If he didn't exist, how do you explain the world?
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The Prayer of Faith
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." James 5: 13-15
This goes along with my first blog. God already knows what you need before you ask him. It doesn't matter what you are going through, whether happy or sad. God wants us to talk to him. We shouldn't just come to him in the bad times. We should go to him in the good times.
I mentioned before that I felt guilty about praying for help when I had been neglecting him for so long. I prayed last night. At least, I think it was last night, might have been the night before. I was pretty much like, "God, you know what I'm going through, but I'm going to tell you again. I ask your help. I will try to accept it, no matter what your answer to me is. Oh, and here are some of my sins."
Here is what is going on with my money situation. I still owe money, but I talked to one of the people in the Admin building, about having my hold temporarily removed so that I could enroll for classes. She removed it, but I have until 6 Jan to pay off my bill for this semester. I am really hoping that I can do it. I can't allow myself to spend any money (which means I should probably cancel my netflix) until after this is taken cared of. I'm going to continue to pray to God about it. Really hoping it works out for me, but I need to trust God. He is in control.
This goes along with my first blog. God already knows what you need before you ask him. It doesn't matter what you are going through, whether happy or sad. God wants us to talk to him. We shouldn't just come to him in the bad times. We should go to him in the good times.
I mentioned before that I felt guilty about praying for help when I had been neglecting him for so long. I prayed last night. At least, I think it was last night, might have been the night before. I was pretty much like, "God, you know what I'm going through, but I'm going to tell you again. I ask your help. I will try to accept it, no matter what your answer to me is. Oh, and here are some of my sins."
Here is what is going on with my money situation. I still owe money, but I talked to one of the people in the Admin building, about having my hold temporarily removed so that I could enroll for classes. She removed it, but I have until 6 Jan to pay off my bill for this semester. I am really hoping that I can do it. I can't allow myself to spend any money (which means I should probably cancel my netflix) until after this is taken cared of. I'm going to continue to pray to God about it. Really hoping it works out for me, but I need to trust God. He is in control.
Friday, December 16, 2011
The Rest of James and the End of James
Well, I finished the rest of James. It's a short book so I just decided to read the rest of it. It's also fitting because I finally cut out the person in my life who was trying to corrupt my relationship with God...his name was James. So, on the day I finish the book of James, I also get rid of the person James from my life. This seems fitting to me somehow.
Chapter 3 of James is about Taming of the Tongue. This is something I have an issue with whenever I'm angry, but also it is something I've had an issue with over the past couple of days because that "friend" is a curser. Ever other word is a cuss word. I'm realizing now just how many things I need to change in my life to get back on track with God. It'll just take one step at a time I suppose.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
In her post, Amelia wrote about the first part of James 4:8 so I decided to discuss the rest of it since this verse has also spoken to my heart. I feel like I'm kind of filthy spiritually. I feel like I sin left and right and it is just stacked upon me. It feels wrong and gross. I want to be able to blame it on this person I just kicked out of my life, but it is also on me. It is also me giving in to the temptations on my heart. If I were able to go against my temptations better, I wouldn't be as filthy as I am now. But coming to God I can become clean again by washing my hands and purifying my heart. I just need to remember this whenever I feel this way again. Come to God, confess my sins, and He will take them from me.
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." James 5:19-20
This one has a lot to do with Amelia, so pay attention, dear heart. I feel like I've been moving away from God for a while now. I've been wanting to move back toward Him, but never got motivated to pray or read my Bible in those times. Well, Amelia asked about this Bible study and since then it has helped burn it into my conscience that these are things I need to do. In doing so, this has pulled me closer to God and shown me things that I need to change about my life, sins I need to get rid of in my life. I am working on it and taking it one step at a time. But if it weren't for reading James yesterday I wouldn't have realized that I needed to kick the person James out of my life forever. So, by suggesting this Bible study Amelia has really shown me the sins I need to turn against. Thank you, AMELIA. I loves you.
Chapter 3 of James is about Taming of the Tongue. This is something I have an issue with whenever I'm angry, but also it is something I've had an issue with over the past couple of days because that "friend" is a curser. Ever other word is a cuss word. I'm realizing now just how many things I need to change in my life to get back on track with God. It'll just take one step at a time I suppose.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
In her post, Amelia wrote about the first part of James 4:8 so I decided to discuss the rest of it since this verse has also spoken to my heart. I feel like I'm kind of filthy spiritually. I feel like I sin left and right and it is just stacked upon me. It feels wrong and gross. I want to be able to blame it on this person I just kicked out of my life, but it is also on me. It is also me giving in to the temptations on my heart. If I were able to go against my temptations better, I wouldn't be as filthy as I am now. But coming to God I can become clean again by washing my hands and purifying my heart. I just need to remember this whenever I feel this way again. Come to God, confess my sins, and He will take them from me.
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." James 5:19-20
This one has a lot to do with Amelia, so pay attention, dear heart. I feel like I've been moving away from God for a while now. I've been wanting to move back toward Him, but never got motivated to pray or read my Bible in those times. Well, Amelia asked about this Bible study and since then it has helped burn it into my conscience that these are things I need to do. In doing so, this has pulled me closer to God and shown me things that I need to change about my life, sins I need to get rid of in my life. I am working on it and taking it one step at a time. But if it weren't for reading James yesterday I wouldn't have realized that I needed to kick the person James out of my life forever. So, by suggesting this Bible study Amelia has really shown me the sins I need to turn against. Thank you, AMELIA. I loves you.
Draw me close to you
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:8
The only way that God can get close to you is when you let him in. Okay, technically God can get close to you anyway he wants, be he wants you to ask him. Developing a relationship with God is a two way street. It is not enough just to expect him to start guiding you. You need to ask for it. Remember, he already knows everything. There is nothing you can tell him that he doesn't already know. If you want God to get close to you, you must get close to him.
Easier said than done, right?
This bible study that Isabella and I are doing is to help fix our relationships with God. And to fix our other issues. But we need God for that.
Of course, just reading the Bible and posting a blog about it is not really going to do much for us. We need to be seeking him constantly. Praying is a good way to do that. This blog is just an accountability thing. *priest voice* ...an outward symbol of our devotion...
Sorry. Had a little fun there.
I need to let God in. I need to let him speak to me.
I feel like I'm going on a tangent. Hopefully, some of what I said makes sense.
Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
No one else can take your place
To feel the warmth of your embrace
Help me find my way
Bring me back to you
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
The only way that God can get close to you is when you let him in. Okay, technically God can get close to you anyway he wants, be he wants you to ask him. Developing a relationship with God is a two way street. It is not enough just to expect him to start guiding you. You need to ask for it. Remember, he already knows everything. There is nothing you can tell him that he doesn't already know. If you want God to get close to you, you must get close to him.
Easier said than done, right?
This bible study that Isabella and I are doing is to help fix our relationships with God. And to fix our other issues. But we need God for that.
Of course, just reading the Bible and posting a blog about it is not really going to do much for us. We need to be seeking him constantly. Praying is a good way to do that. This blog is just an accountability thing. *priest voice* ...an outward symbol of our devotion...
Sorry. Had a little fun there.
I need to let God in. I need to let him speak to me.
I feel like I'm going on a tangent. Hopefully, some of what I said makes sense.
Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
No one else can take your place
To feel the warmth of your embrace
Help me find my way
Bring me back to you
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Beginning of James
Amelia and I decided to start doing a Bible Study over Christmas break because we both have been struggling lately and it'll be good for us. We decided to start with the book of James. We started with chapter one today since it was the first full day of break.
"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my dear brothers." James 1: 13-16.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19
"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." James 1:21
Lately, I've been having a major issue with temptation. Not sexual temptation, but a temptation to behave in a way that is not something my Savior and my God would be happy with. I have been struggling with cutting. I did it on December 4th and again on December 5th. I have no done it since. It has been a struggle. But by being completely transparent about this issue it has been possible for me not to do it. I opened up to three people about this plus all of the people on here and a forum for mental health issues for young adults/adults and my tumblr account. It has been hard owning up to the fact that I hurt myself. It has also been hard to stop. But God did not tempt me to do this. God does not want me hurting myself. He doesn't want me hurting at all. God loves me. God doesn't think this is appropriate behavior for me. This violation of my skin is all on me. I could have and should have called out to God about my PTSD and my depression and my break up with Daryl and my desire to self-harm. Only God could save me from myself. Only God can help me with my issues. But since I've felt so far away from God lately it has been so hard to just ask for the help I need. I never considered the idea that by asking for God's help I am finding my way back into his presence and back into his arms. I am also having an issue of dealing with a friend of mine. A friend of mine and I have been talking a lot over the past few days. I assumed that getting to know each other better meant that we could fix the past mistakes. Turns out every night is a fight and every day isn't. It is hard and it tempts me to get very angry, very quickly. Also, he and I are very different. I never realized just how different until we spoke today. He wants me to become more vulgar in my language and in my thoughts because he thinks it's weird that I'm not. In a way it seems like he's trying to pull me away from God. Um, how about no? Because I dated a jerk who tried to do the same thing. Only at the time I didn't see what was happening. Now I do. And I won't allow it. My relationship with God may not be where it should be right now. But you aren't going to break into my relationship with God simply because you think my behavior is weird. Okay, according to society's standards, my behavior is weird. But it is supposed to be weird. I'm not supposed to fit into this world. I am meant to stand out by my different behavior because of my love for God and Christ in me. And wow that turned into a rant. Ha. I'm sorry.
I am having an issue with my anger. I think it mostly comes from my PTSD because that is a symptom of it, but sometimes I don't even try to control my anger. I just let it take over. Because being angry means I don't have to be sad or hurt or any other negative emotion. I can turn my anger onto someone and be on the attack and feel good about the fact that I'm not the one hurting in the situation. It's terrible. I hate that about me. I think that's one of the worst qualities I have. How horrible of a person am I? But I think if I try to reign in my anger and then rely on God, it'll all get better. Because when I've relied on God for control of my anger in the past then it has gotten better. So, I need to remember to focus on him when it comes to that anger.
I have a hard time kicking people out of my life who need it. Especially if they try to stay. It seems to me that they care whenever this happens. And it's hard for me to let go of people who seem to care about me. But in reality, these people who cling to me might not be doing so for the right reason and they might not be any good for my spiritual walk with Christ. I tried to kick my friend out of my life yesterday. The one who thinks my purity is so weird? I tried to make him leave my life and not come back. He clung on so much. It touched my heart because I thought it showed he cared. I ended up saying that I was sorry and accepting that maybe they should still be in my life if they care so much. Now I see that it's something I need to learn how to do so that I can continually do it for people who try to corrupt my relationship with God. It'll be hard. But it's necessary to save my relationship with God. That should be the most important thing for me from now until the end of eternity. No friends are more important than God in my life. Or that's the way it should be. That's not how it is now. I need to find a way to shift my priorities because they're not okay right now.
What do I do?
"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my dear brothers." James 1: 13-16.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19
"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." James 1:21
Lately, I've been having a major issue with temptation. Not sexual temptation, but a temptation to behave in a way that is not something my Savior and my God would be happy with. I have been struggling with cutting. I did it on December 4th and again on December 5th. I have no done it since. It has been a struggle. But by being completely transparent about this issue it has been possible for me not to do it. I opened up to three people about this plus all of the people on here and a forum for mental health issues for young adults/adults and my tumblr account. It has been hard owning up to the fact that I hurt myself. It has also been hard to stop. But God did not tempt me to do this. God does not want me hurting myself. He doesn't want me hurting at all. God loves me. God doesn't think this is appropriate behavior for me. This violation of my skin is all on me. I could have and should have called out to God about my PTSD and my depression and my break up with Daryl and my desire to self-harm. Only God could save me from myself. Only God can help me with my issues. But since I've felt so far away from God lately it has been so hard to just ask for the help I need. I never considered the idea that by asking for God's help I am finding my way back into his presence and back into his arms. I am also having an issue of dealing with a friend of mine. A friend of mine and I have been talking a lot over the past few days. I assumed that getting to know each other better meant that we could fix the past mistakes. Turns out every night is a fight and every day isn't. It is hard and it tempts me to get very angry, very quickly. Also, he and I are very different. I never realized just how different until we spoke today. He wants me to become more vulgar in my language and in my thoughts because he thinks it's weird that I'm not. In a way it seems like he's trying to pull me away from God. Um, how about no? Because I dated a jerk who tried to do the same thing. Only at the time I didn't see what was happening. Now I do. And I won't allow it. My relationship with God may not be where it should be right now. But you aren't going to break into my relationship with God simply because you think my behavior is weird. Okay, according to society's standards, my behavior is weird. But it is supposed to be weird. I'm not supposed to fit into this world. I am meant to stand out by my different behavior because of my love for God and Christ in me. And wow that turned into a rant. Ha. I'm sorry.
I am having an issue with my anger. I think it mostly comes from my PTSD because that is a symptom of it, but sometimes I don't even try to control my anger. I just let it take over. Because being angry means I don't have to be sad or hurt or any other negative emotion. I can turn my anger onto someone and be on the attack and feel good about the fact that I'm not the one hurting in the situation. It's terrible. I hate that about me. I think that's one of the worst qualities I have. How horrible of a person am I? But I think if I try to reign in my anger and then rely on God, it'll all get better. Because when I've relied on God for control of my anger in the past then it has gotten better. So, I need to remember to focus on him when it comes to that anger.
I have a hard time kicking people out of my life who need it. Especially if they try to stay. It seems to me that they care whenever this happens. And it's hard for me to let go of people who seem to care about me. But in reality, these people who cling to me might not be doing so for the right reason and they might not be any good for my spiritual walk with Christ. I tried to kick my friend out of my life yesterday. The one who thinks my purity is so weird? I tried to make him leave my life and not come back. He clung on so much. It touched my heart because I thought it showed he cared. I ended up saying that I was sorry and accepting that maybe they should still be in my life if they care so much. Now I see that it's something I need to learn how to do so that I can continually do it for people who try to corrupt my relationship with God. It'll be hard. But it's necessary to save my relationship with God. That should be the most important thing for me from now until the end of eternity. No friends are more important than God in my life. Or that's the way it should be. That's not how it is now. I need to find a way to shift my priorities because they're not okay right now.
What do I do?
James 1
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." v 5-6
When you ask God for something, don't doubt. God already knows what you want. He hears all your prayers, and answers all of them. They may not be want you want the answers to be, and he might be telling you to wait. Trust him. He knows what he is doing.
I have been dealing with some stuff. Actually, both Isabella and myself have been dealing with stuff. Depression, PTSD, money problems, breakups. For me, what I'm stressing about right now is money problems. I still owe money to the school, which means there is a hold on my record, which means I can't enroll for next semester. I cried about it. A lot. But I never asked God for help. Why? Because I felt that, since I have been ignoring him for a long time now, that it would be selfish of me to ask. Like, the only reason I am going to him is because I need help. Instead, I tried to deal with it on my own. I went to the bank first for a loan. The first time I went, I needed a cosigner. The second time I went, because of my income, they said they couldn't help me. Unless I had something to use as collateral.
When the loan option failed, I asked a friend. She offered to help me before I went to the bank, but I turned her down, because I just wasn't comfortable taking money from her. So after the bank said they couldn't help, I decided to take her up on the offer. I have also been making small payments myself. I'm worried that it won't be enough. I'm not going to have everything paid off before I go home for Christmas, and neither my job nor the admin building will be open again until Jan (everything closes 21 Dec). I will have two weeks once classes start to get everything paid off. After that, I get kicked out of the dorm. Where will I go? What will I do?
I have got my bills down to a little under $400. I will have at least two more paychecks coming up (I'm not sure if there will be a third one or not). I have paid my phone bill for the month, so I shouldn't need to worry about that until Jan.
I know that I need God's guidance. When I ask him, I need to be confident. Not like, "God, I know that you are going to give me money to pay everything off before I get kicked out of the dorms." More like, "God, this is what I need. I trust you to help me through this. No matter what happens, it is in your hands." As I said, God knows what I need. I just need to let go, and let him take care of it.
How do I let go?
When you ask God for something, don't doubt. God already knows what you want. He hears all your prayers, and answers all of them. They may not be want you want the answers to be, and he might be telling you to wait. Trust him. He knows what he is doing.
I have been dealing with some stuff. Actually, both Isabella and myself have been dealing with stuff. Depression, PTSD, money problems, breakups. For me, what I'm stressing about right now is money problems. I still owe money to the school, which means there is a hold on my record, which means I can't enroll for next semester. I cried about it. A lot. But I never asked God for help. Why? Because I felt that, since I have been ignoring him for a long time now, that it would be selfish of me to ask. Like, the only reason I am going to him is because I need help. Instead, I tried to deal with it on my own. I went to the bank first for a loan. The first time I went, I needed a cosigner. The second time I went, because of my income, they said they couldn't help me. Unless I had something to use as collateral.
When the loan option failed, I asked a friend. She offered to help me before I went to the bank, but I turned her down, because I just wasn't comfortable taking money from her. So after the bank said they couldn't help, I decided to take her up on the offer. I have also been making small payments myself. I'm worried that it won't be enough. I'm not going to have everything paid off before I go home for Christmas, and neither my job nor the admin building will be open again until Jan (everything closes 21 Dec). I will have two weeks once classes start to get everything paid off. After that, I get kicked out of the dorm. Where will I go? What will I do?
I have got my bills down to a little under $400. I will have at least two more paychecks coming up (I'm not sure if there will be a third one or not). I have paid my phone bill for the month, so I shouldn't need to worry about that until Jan.
I know that I need God's guidance. When I ask him, I need to be confident. Not like, "God, I know that you are going to give me money to pay everything off before I get kicked out of the dorms." More like, "God, this is what I need. I trust you to help me through this. No matter what happens, it is in your hands." As I said, God knows what I need. I just need to let go, and let him take care of it.
How do I let go?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Post by Amelia:
Finals are over. The semester is done. At least for the two girls of this blog. Today is the official last day of finals for the semester. Some people are finishing up today. Everyone is going home, except for those few who will be staying here during the break. Isabella has went home. I will not be on campus. I will be staying at a friends house so that I can work for a week. Technically I will be staying in a camper next to a friends house. I will go home next week, stay there for about a week, then spend some time in Tulsa before coming back to school. This is how my break will be.
Finals are over. The semester is done. At least for the two girls of this blog. Today is the official last day of finals for the semester. Some people are finishing up today. Everyone is going home, except for those few who will be staying here during the break. Isabella has went home. I will not be on campus. I will be staying at a friends house so that I can work for a week. Technically I will be staying in a camper next to a friends house. I will go home next week, stay there for about a week, then spend some time in Tulsa before coming back to school. This is how my break will be.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
POST BY ISABELLA
I started cutting recently. I don't know for sure exactly how it all started. But the only thing I can think about right now is: I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT.
Maybe putting this out there will help me be accountable in NOT doing it. I don't want this to become an addiction. I'm grossed out by it. I'm sickened by it....when I'm not doing it.
Maybe putting this out there will help me be accountable in NOT doing it. I don't want this to become an addiction. I'm grossed out by it. I'm sickened by it....when I'm not doing it.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Finals Start Soon
Hey guys,
It's Isabella here. I haven't been on here very much at all this semester. I'm so sorry for that. Life has been crazy. I plan on posting a lot more after finals are over. Speaking of finals, they start on Thursday for the rest of the school, but my American Literature professor decided we'd take half of our final on Wednesday for some reason. So, my finals start on Wednesday (Amelia's birthday!). I will take my last final on Tuesday night. I have seven finals to take in less than a full week so we'll see how everything goes. I'm really worried, but also hopeful. Everything will work out, right? Right. If not...well, let's not get into the if not section.
My schedule for the next week or so looks like this:
Monday (today)- Presentation (finished, thank goodness!)
Tuesday- Extra credit due and quiz.
Wednesday-Final part 1 for Am. Lit.
Thursday- Adv. Video Final; Linguistics Final
Friday- Final part 2 for Am. Lit.
Monday- English Lit Final; Young Adult Lit Final
Tuesday- Fantasy Lit Final
I'm pretty worried about my finals, but I need to just take it one step at a time. It'll all work out.
It's Isabella here. I haven't been on here very much at all this semester. I'm so sorry for that. Life has been crazy. I plan on posting a lot more after finals are over. Speaking of finals, they start on Thursday for the rest of the school, but my American Literature professor decided we'd take half of our final on Wednesday for some reason. So, my finals start on Wednesday (Amelia's birthday!). I will take my last final on Tuesday night. I have seven finals to take in less than a full week so we'll see how everything goes. I'm really worried, but also hopeful. Everything will work out, right? Right. If not...well, let's not get into the if not section.
My schedule for the next week or so looks like this:
Monday (today)- Presentation (finished, thank goodness!)
Tuesday- Extra credit due and quiz.
Wednesday-Final part 1 for Am. Lit.
Thursday- Adv. Video Final; Linguistics Final
Friday- Final part 2 for Am. Lit.
Monday- English Lit Final; Young Adult Lit Final
Tuesday- Fantasy Lit Final
I'm pretty worried about my finals, but I need to just take it one step at a time. It'll all work out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)