I think these two chapters are the turning points for Wanderer and Melanie in the book. Wanderer decides to travel to see her first Healer, Fords Deep Waters, about what to do about her situation with Melanie. The Seeker wants Wanderer to skip to another Host, since she obviously can't control Melanie. Wanderer no longer trusts the Seeker, so she wants to talk to the Healer about what to do.
On the way there, Melanie keeps dreaming about Jared and Jamie. She knows that if the Seeker was to invade her body, it would mean that she had lost. The Seeker would do everything to get the rest of Melanie's secret. In chapter 9, Wanderer decides that she will do her best to keep Melanie away from the Seeker. She realizes that she has grown to care for Jared and Jamie about as much as Melanie herself does. As Wanderer continues to drive, Melanie dreams about a picture of a scribbles, which they figure out is a map to a hideout that her uncle showed her. Her uncle Jeb was one of the "nutters" who suspected alien invasions and stuff before it actually happened, so they were prepared for when the Souls came. Wanderer and Melanie decide that they are going to find that hideout, because that is where Jamie and Jared will be.
In chapter 10, they stop at at a gas station to get some water and a few other supplies, avoiding eye contact with the other people there. This where my favorite quotation from today comes from.
Wanderer wants to continue driving on the little road as much as possible. Melanie wants to be out walking, like what she was doing before she was captured. Wanderer doesn't think that would satisfy her.
"I could feel the real desire beneath the surface. Freedom. To move her body to the familiar rhythm of her long stride with only her will for guidance. For a moment, I allowed myself to see the prison that was life without a body. To be carried inside but unable to influence the shape around you. To be trapped. To have no choices."
There have been times when I have felt stuck, unable to go anywhere. I still can't imagine what it would be like in the scenario that Wanderer just described. That would be unbearable.
I want to leave with a quote from one of my favorite movies:
"Not just the Spanish Main, love. The entire ocean. The entire wo'ld.
Wherever we want to go, we'll go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's
not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship
needs, but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is
freedom."
---Amelia
Showing posts with label Isabella. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Isabella. Show all posts
Monday, February 18, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The Host: Day 2 (cont) and Day 3--chapters 6-8
Chapter 3:
"Not strong enough. Would they think me weak as well? Was I weak, that I could not force this mind to answer my questions? Weaker still, because her living thoughts had existed in my head where there should be nothing but memory? I'd always thought of myself as strong. This idea of weakness made me flinch. Made me feel shame." Why should Wanderer feel weak because Melanie is still with her? What make the souls the better species? This is a recurring thought of mine. Does this theme sound familiar to you? One species/race/religion/party thinks they are better than another species/race/religion/party. They try to force their beliefs on the other, thinking that they are right and the "lesser" of the two is wrong, so they should be converted. Disgusting.
"My name was now Wanderer, yet her memories fit it just as well as my own. Except that my wandering was by choice. These flashes of memory were always tinged with the fear of the hunted. Not wandering, but running." Wanderer got her name because she has lived on a bunch of different planets. She would stay there until her host body died, then move to a different place. She gave a lot of thought into where she would go next. She chose to move. Melanie, on the other hand, was also moving because she didn't want to be "tainted" by a soul. She was forced to. Melanie never stayed in the same place for a long time. Throughout this book, you get to see all the similarities/differences between the two.
Chapter 4:
"...but because she protected him more fiercely than other secrets I'd unraveled." Wanderer is talking about how Melanie is extremely protective of Jamie, her brother. The scene before was the first time we found out about Jamie. Melanie's relationship with him reminds me of Katniss' relationship with Prim.
Chapter 5:
"A Healer? You want me to skip?" "No one would think badly of that choice, Wanderer. It's understood, if a host is defective--" "Defective? She's not defective. I am. I'm too weak for this world!" Again I ask, why is it such a bad thing that Melanie is still present in Wanderer's mind?
"...I had not skipped out on the life term of my host. To do so was wasteful, wrong, ungrateful. It mocked the very essence of who we were as souls. We made our worlds better places; that was absolutely essential or we did not deserve them." I mentioned before that Wanderer always stayed with her host until the host died. The main reason why I liked this quote when she said that the souls made the worlds they visited better places. The next paragraph talks about why the souls came to Earth to begin with, how humans were "brutish and ungovernable." All the killings and wars. Part of me wants to say that the souls were right in coming to Earth, but at the same time, being a human myself, I understand why Melanie ran. Just because you don't agree with someone, doesn't mean you have to take control of them.
Before I continue on to my next quote, can I just say that I hate the Seeker? She is in the same group as Snow and Umbridge.
Chapter 8:
"It was very relaxing to be away from civilization, and this bothered me. I should not have found the loneliness so welcoming. Souls were sociable. We lived and worked and grew together in harmony. We were all the same: peaceful, friendly, honest. Why should I feel better away from my kind? Was it Melanie who made me this way?" I like Wanderer here. Compare her to the Seeker: the Seeker wants to rid the Earth of humans through whatever means possible, because when one exits, a soul dies, and a soul is obviously more important. Wanderer is more sympathetic. That could just be because of Melanie, but even in the beginning I think Wanderer had a kinder heart than the Seeker. The Seeker doesn't seem peaceful, friendly, and honest to me.
When Jared talks about how he doesn't want to bring a child into their world, I think about Katniss and how she doesn't want to bring a child into the world where District children fight to the death.
---Amelia
"Not strong enough. Would they think me weak as well? Was I weak, that I could not force this mind to answer my questions? Weaker still, because her living thoughts had existed in my head where there should be nothing but memory? I'd always thought of myself as strong. This idea of weakness made me flinch. Made me feel shame." Why should Wanderer feel weak because Melanie is still with her? What make the souls the better species? This is a recurring thought of mine. Does this theme sound familiar to you? One species/race/religion/party thinks they are better than another species/race/religion/party. They try to force their beliefs on the other, thinking that they are right and the "lesser" of the two is wrong, so they should be converted. Disgusting.
"My name was now Wanderer, yet her memories fit it just as well as my own. Except that my wandering was by choice. These flashes of memory were always tinged with the fear of the hunted. Not wandering, but running." Wanderer got her name because she has lived on a bunch of different planets. She would stay there until her host body died, then move to a different place. She gave a lot of thought into where she would go next. She chose to move. Melanie, on the other hand, was also moving because she didn't want to be "tainted" by a soul. She was forced to. Melanie never stayed in the same place for a long time. Throughout this book, you get to see all the similarities/differences between the two.
Chapter 4:
"...but because she protected him more fiercely than other secrets I'd unraveled." Wanderer is talking about how Melanie is extremely protective of Jamie, her brother. The scene before was the first time we found out about Jamie. Melanie's relationship with him reminds me of Katniss' relationship with Prim.
Chapter 5:
"A Healer? You want me to skip?" "No one would think badly of that choice, Wanderer. It's understood, if a host is defective--" "Defective? She's not defective. I am. I'm too weak for this world!" Again I ask, why is it such a bad thing that Melanie is still present in Wanderer's mind?
"...I had not skipped out on the life term of my host. To do so was wasteful, wrong, ungrateful. It mocked the very essence of who we were as souls. We made our worlds better places; that was absolutely essential or we did not deserve them." I mentioned before that Wanderer always stayed with her host until the host died. The main reason why I liked this quote when she said that the souls made the worlds they visited better places. The next paragraph talks about why the souls came to Earth to begin with, how humans were "brutish and ungovernable." All the killings and wars. Part of me wants to say that the souls were right in coming to Earth, but at the same time, being a human myself, I understand why Melanie ran. Just because you don't agree with someone, doesn't mean you have to take control of them.
Before I continue on to my next quote, can I just say that I hate the Seeker? She is in the same group as Snow and Umbridge.
Chapter 8:
"It was very relaxing to be away from civilization, and this bothered me. I should not have found the loneliness so welcoming. Souls were sociable. We lived and worked and grew together in harmony. We were all the same: peaceful, friendly, honest. Why should I feel better away from my kind? Was it Melanie who made me this way?" I like Wanderer here. Compare her to the Seeker: the Seeker wants to rid the Earth of humans through whatever means possible, because when one exits, a soul dies, and a soul is obviously more important. Wanderer is more sympathetic. That could just be because of Melanie, but even in the beginning I think Wanderer had a kinder heart than the Seeker. The Seeker doesn't seem peaceful, friendly, and honest to me.
When Jared talks about how he doesn't want to bring a child into their world, I think about Katniss and how she doesn't want to bring a child into the world where District children fight to the death.
---Amelia
Friday, February 15, 2013
"The Host" Reread Day 2--Chapters 3-5
Hey there! Wow, it feels like forever since I've been on here. Goodness. Life in the Army is going kind of crazy, but thankfully, Ames and I are able to start rereading "The Host" before the movie comes out next month. I think it's safe to say that we are both extremely excited about the movie.
Here are my thoughts from today's readings and some quotes.
First, can I just say that I want to tear through this book right now? I seriously wish we had less time to read it so that I could read it faster. Two chapters a day starting next week? That's going to kill me. I forgot how much I love these characters. Right now, I am definitely having some feels.
Chapter Three-
Does it seem odd to you that the Healer and the Seeker are so much more than just their souls? Or is that what it's like since humans are so vastly different from the other species that the souls have taken over? I don't think there's an issue with the writing here. I just think it shows how we as a race (the human race) are so much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. I mean, there are things that the soul just would not be able to overcome despite the fact that they are attached in every way to the physical body. I don't know. I am nerdily excited about the science and theoretical issues that would come with this. I don't know how to explain my the nerding going on in my head right now. I love the Healer, Fords, and I kind of wish we could have seen him more. The Seeker is a bitch, but we always knew that one.
Chapter Four-
I love the dream. It screams of a dystopic world for both Jared and Melanie, yet for the rest of the world, all the souls, it's a utopia. Are you kidding me? I love that concept. That even in this utopia there's the ability to exist a dystopic world for others. It just seems so real to me because even if a so called utopia did exist, there would still be dystopic tendencies. Also, how many people would be so unhappy in a world that is supposedly so perfect? This world that is free of violence, free of unpleasantness for the most part is a world that Melanie and Jared refuse to join because to them it's worse than living in a world with the violence and the anger and unpleasantness. How wonderful is this book? Seriously. You have people who are supposedly so good doing something that we would consider so evil, but that they see as being helpful. I mean, you've definitely got some of the flawed hero going on here with these souls. They think they're doing the right thing, but they're actually enslaving the human race. And then you have the resistance, the humans who see the truth for what it is, and they're doing all the wrong things to try to escape this so called "utopia" that really, in essence, just kills them. Because it is like they die. They lose who they are and all they have left are their bodies. Which are controlled by someone else who uses it for things that they have absolutely zero say in. And, I'm sorry, but I don't care how long you've been away from the human race, Jared Howe, you do no manhandle a girl and then kiss her when you find out she's human. I expect better from you, Howe!
Here are two quotes from this chapter that I really like:
Melanie/Wanda is having a dream about when Melanie first met Jared, but before she meets him, she's scoping out the house of two souls. She's waiting for them to be gone so that she can steal their food and get back to her younger brother who is starving. She talks about how the souls keep up human appearances really well. "I think it's Friday. They keep our habits so perfectly, it's hard to see any difference. Which is how they won in the first place." It reminds me of a quote from a Gilmore Girls episode. I don't remember the exact quote and I don't remember the exact episode. But it's when Lorelai is explaining to Sooki how to put the leash onto Paul Anka (the dog). She explains that he's like us Americans: we like to have our freedom slowly stripped away from us without our knowledge. Something like that. And this is exactly what happened with the human race when the souls came in. They start becoming extinct without even realizing it. It shows a lot of flaws in the way humans exist. How we refuse to acknowledge problems or stand up to them until it's way too late.
This next quote is just a good one in my opinion because it just explains way too perfectly how hard it can be to be human sometimes. And how another species could be rocked to the core by just how difficult it is to handle human emotions. How sharp and vivid and powerful they are. "I blinked away the unwelcome moisture in my eyes. I didn't know how much more of this I could stand. How did anyone survive this world, with these bodies whose memories wouldn't stay in the past where they should? With these emotions that were so strong I couldn't tell what I felt anymore?" It also speaks to me because I have a lot of memories that I wish I could forget. But I can't. Because that's not the way life works for me or for anyone else. And it just makes being human a little more difficult to handle. I understand Wanda so well right here.
Chapter Five-
These are where one my favorite quotes exist. I can't handle this book sometimes. And I'm not even into the real emotional parts of this book. I think rereading this will end me. But it is SO GOOD. I swear to everything good and holy that this woman did not write this book.
I will just write down the quote real fast because I feel like I've ranted on long enough. So, here we go:
"'In so many millennia, the humans never did figure love out. How much is physical, how much in the mind? How much accident and how much fate? Why did perfect matches crumble and impossible couples thrive? I don't know the answers any better than they did. Love simply is where it is.'"
I love this.
Happy Hunger Games and May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor!
Happy reading.
Isabella
Here are my thoughts from today's readings and some quotes.
First, can I just say that I want to tear through this book right now? I seriously wish we had less time to read it so that I could read it faster. Two chapters a day starting next week? That's going to kill me. I forgot how much I love these characters. Right now, I am definitely having some feels.
Chapter Three-
Does it seem odd to you that the Healer and the Seeker are so much more than just their souls? Or is that what it's like since humans are so vastly different from the other species that the souls have taken over? I don't think there's an issue with the writing here. I just think it shows how we as a race (the human race) are so much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. I mean, there are things that the soul just would not be able to overcome despite the fact that they are attached in every way to the physical body. I don't know. I am nerdily excited about the science and theoretical issues that would come with this. I don't know how to explain my the nerding going on in my head right now. I love the Healer, Fords, and I kind of wish we could have seen him more. The Seeker is a bitch, but we always knew that one.
Chapter Four-
I love the dream. It screams of a dystopic world for both Jared and Melanie, yet for the rest of the world, all the souls, it's a utopia. Are you kidding me? I love that concept. That even in this utopia there's the ability to exist a dystopic world for others. It just seems so real to me because even if a so called utopia did exist, there would still be dystopic tendencies. Also, how many people would be so unhappy in a world that is supposedly so perfect? This world that is free of violence, free of unpleasantness for the most part is a world that Melanie and Jared refuse to join because to them it's worse than living in a world with the violence and the anger and unpleasantness. How wonderful is this book? Seriously. You have people who are supposedly so good doing something that we would consider so evil, but that they see as being helpful. I mean, you've definitely got some of the flawed hero going on here with these souls. They think they're doing the right thing, but they're actually enslaving the human race. And then you have the resistance, the humans who see the truth for what it is, and they're doing all the wrong things to try to escape this so called "utopia" that really, in essence, just kills them. Because it is like they die. They lose who they are and all they have left are their bodies. Which are controlled by someone else who uses it for things that they have absolutely zero say in. And, I'm sorry, but I don't care how long you've been away from the human race, Jared Howe, you do no manhandle a girl and then kiss her when you find out she's human. I expect better from you, Howe!
Here are two quotes from this chapter that I really like:
Melanie/Wanda is having a dream about when Melanie first met Jared, but before she meets him, she's scoping out the house of two souls. She's waiting for them to be gone so that she can steal their food and get back to her younger brother who is starving. She talks about how the souls keep up human appearances really well. "I think it's Friday. They keep our habits so perfectly, it's hard to see any difference. Which is how they won in the first place." It reminds me of a quote from a Gilmore Girls episode. I don't remember the exact quote and I don't remember the exact episode. But it's when Lorelai is explaining to Sooki how to put the leash onto Paul Anka (the dog). She explains that he's like us Americans: we like to have our freedom slowly stripped away from us without our knowledge. Something like that. And this is exactly what happened with the human race when the souls came in. They start becoming extinct without even realizing it. It shows a lot of flaws in the way humans exist. How we refuse to acknowledge problems or stand up to them until it's way too late.
This next quote is just a good one in my opinion because it just explains way too perfectly how hard it can be to be human sometimes. And how another species could be rocked to the core by just how difficult it is to handle human emotions. How sharp and vivid and powerful they are. "I blinked away the unwelcome moisture in my eyes. I didn't know how much more of this I could stand. How did anyone survive this world, with these bodies whose memories wouldn't stay in the past where they should? With these emotions that were so strong I couldn't tell what I felt anymore?" It also speaks to me because I have a lot of memories that I wish I could forget. But I can't. Because that's not the way life works for me or for anyone else. And it just makes being human a little more difficult to handle. I understand Wanda so well right here.
Chapter Five-
These are where one my favorite quotes exist. I can't handle this book sometimes. And I'm not even into the real emotional parts of this book. I think rereading this will end me. But it is SO GOOD. I swear to everything good and holy that this woman did not write this book.
I will just write down the quote real fast because I feel like I've ranted on long enough. So, here we go:
"'In so many millennia, the humans never did figure love out. How much is physical, how much in the mind? How much accident and how much fate? Why did perfect matches crumble and impossible couples thrive? I don't know the answers any better than they did. Love simply is where it is.'"
I love this.
Happy Hunger Games and May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor!
Happy reading.
Isabella
Book Club: The Host--Day 1
Question
Body my house
my horse my hound
what will I do
when you are fallen
Where will I sleep
How will I ride
What will I hunt
Where can I go
without my mount
all eager and quick
How will I know
in thicket ahead
is danger or treasure
When Body my good
bright dog is dead
How will it be
to lie in the sky
without roof or door
and wind for an eye
with cloud for a shift
how will I hide?
---May Swenson
The chapters for Day 1 were the Prologue through chapter 2. I marked a few lines that I liked, so I thought I would start the discussion there.
In the prologue, the Healer and his assistant are talking the adult human that has been brought in. They are getting ready to insert the soul, and the Healer is annoyed by the students who came to watch the procedure. The assistant made a comment that the soul they are about to insert has be specifically picked the human on the table. He said that, if the soul was able to, it would have volunteered for this assignment. This is how the Healer responds,
"Who among us would not volunteer if asked to do something for the greater good? But is that really the case here? Is the greater good served by this? The question is not her willingness, but what is right to ask any soul to bear."
As you know, the human put up a pretty good fight to avoid being captured; the human's final act damaged the body a lot. The soul is going to have every single memory of the human. The Healer knows that the soul is going to have to bear a lot. Supposedly this is all for "the greater good", but the Healer is not sure if he is doing the right thing in this case. It makes me think about how even the best intentions may not be appropriate, they could make the situation worse, especially if the actions taken to do the "right thing" is not the right thing in itself. Does this make sense?
My last two quotes come from chapter 2.
"Storytelling was the most honored of all talents, for it benefited everyone." I really like that line. I think storytelling has always been important. Remember, before the written word came about, stories were told orally. These stories were myths, in the sense that it helped them understand the world. I like stories.
"Good citizenship was quintessential to every soul." Does this make you think of the Hunger Games to you? You know, how the citizens of the districts had to obey the laws of the Capitol. The reason why the Games took place was to prove to the Districts that they couldn't beat the Capitol. Remember what happened the last time they tried to revolt? This is what that line makes me think of. The Souls control everything. It is important to obey them. In fact, I think the Seeker could work for the Capitol. She has the same sort of mindset.
These are my thoughts so far. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
---Amelia
Body my house
my horse my hound
what will I do
when you are fallen
Where will I sleep
How will I ride
What will I hunt
Where can I go
without my mount
all eager and quick
How will I know
in thicket ahead
is danger or treasure
When Body my good
bright dog is dead
How will it be
to lie in the sky
without roof or door
and wind for an eye
with cloud for a shift
how will I hide?
---May Swenson
The chapters for Day 1 were the Prologue through chapter 2. I marked a few lines that I liked, so I thought I would start the discussion there.
In the prologue, the Healer and his assistant are talking the adult human that has been brought in. They are getting ready to insert the soul, and the Healer is annoyed by the students who came to watch the procedure. The assistant made a comment that the soul they are about to insert has be specifically picked the human on the table. He said that, if the soul was able to, it would have volunteered for this assignment. This is how the Healer responds,
"Who among us would not volunteer if asked to do something for the greater good? But is that really the case here? Is the greater good served by this? The question is not her willingness, but what is right to ask any soul to bear."
As you know, the human put up a pretty good fight to avoid being captured; the human's final act damaged the body a lot. The soul is going to have every single memory of the human. The Healer knows that the soul is going to have to bear a lot. Supposedly this is all for "the greater good", but the Healer is not sure if he is doing the right thing in this case. It makes me think about how even the best intentions may not be appropriate, they could make the situation worse, especially if the actions taken to do the "right thing" is not the right thing in itself. Does this make sense?
My last two quotes come from chapter 2.
"Storytelling was the most honored of all talents, for it benefited everyone." I really like that line. I think storytelling has always been important. Remember, before the written word came about, stories were told orally. These stories were myths, in the sense that it helped them understand the world. I like stories.
"Good citizenship was quintessential to every soul." Does this make you think of the Hunger Games to you? You know, how the citizens of the districts had to obey the laws of the Capitol. The reason why the Games took place was to prove to the Districts that they couldn't beat the Capitol. Remember what happened the last time they tried to revolt? This is what that line makes me think of. The Souls control everything. It is important to obey them. In fact, I think the Seeker could work for the Capitol. She has the same sort of mindset.
These are my thoughts so far. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
---Amelia
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Not quite sure what to put on here. I've been away from technology for what feels like forever. I've been trying to do the big girl thing and take care of life and crap. How crazy is that? But I kind of feel emotional lately. I guess that's what happens when you start liking a guy who's taken...while you're at AIT. Yeah. This is a problem. Yes, I do hate my life. Yes, he is trying to take full advantage of the situation. I'm not sure what to do anymore. He's the best friend I have here. I'll rant more later, but I'm on a public computer so I don't think that's exactly a safe place to be typing all of this. I'll update you all when I get back to my room tonight.
Love,
Bells
Love,
Bells
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
How in the Hell? (A Post by Isabella)
How in the hell, after three years, are you still making my life suck? How are you possibly ruining me? Ruining everything I touch? I got away! I got out...alive....That in itself is a miracle. But now...now, after 3 years, you're still fucking up my life! I hate everything about you. I hate this. I hate it. I don't know what to do now...I'm lost.
~~~Isabella, explanation to follow.
~~~Isabella, explanation to follow.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Happy Christmas
So, I know I've been failing at this lately and I apologize. I WILL get back into the swing of things, I promise. I just wanted to jump on here and wish everyone a very Happy Christmas. I lovez you guys! Have a great holiday and I will see you on the other side.
Friday, December 16, 2011
The Rest of James and the End of James
Well, I finished the rest of James. It's a short book so I just decided to read the rest of it. It's also fitting because I finally cut out the person in my life who was trying to corrupt my relationship with God...his name was James. So, on the day I finish the book of James, I also get rid of the person James from my life. This seems fitting to me somehow.
Chapter 3 of James is about Taming of the Tongue. This is something I have an issue with whenever I'm angry, but also it is something I've had an issue with over the past couple of days because that "friend" is a curser. Ever other word is a cuss word. I'm realizing now just how many things I need to change in my life to get back on track with God. It'll just take one step at a time I suppose.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
In her post, Amelia wrote about the first part of James 4:8 so I decided to discuss the rest of it since this verse has also spoken to my heart. I feel like I'm kind of filthy spiritually. I feel like I sin left and right and it is just stacked upon me. It feels wrong and gross. I want to be able to blame it on this person I just kicked out of my life, but it is also on me. It is also me giving in to the temptations on my heart. If I were able to go against my temptations better, I wouldn't be as filthy as I am now. But coming to God I can become clean again by washing my hands and purifying my heart. I just need to remember this whenever I feel this way again. Come to God, confess my sins, and He will take them from me.
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." James 5:19-20
This one has a lot to do with Amelia, so pay attention, dear heart. I feel like I've been moving away from God for a while now. I've been wanting to move back toward Him, but never got motivated to pray or read my Bible in those times. Well, Amelia asked about this Bible study and since then it has helped burn it into my conscience that these are things I need to do. In doing so, this has pulled me closer to God and shown me things that I need to change about my life, sins I need to get rid of in my life. I am working on it and taking it one step at a time. But if it weren't for reading James yesterday I wouldn't have realized that I needed to kick the person James out of my life forever. So, by suggesting this Bible study Amelia has really shown me the sins I need to turn against. Thank you, AMELIA. I loves you.
Chapter 3 of James is about Taming of the Tongue. This is something I have an issue with whenever I'm angry, but also it is something I've had an issue with over the past couple of days because that "friend" is a curser. Ever other word is a cuss word. I'm realizing now just how many things I need to change in my life to get back on track with God. It'll just take one step at a time I suppose.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
In her post, Amelia wrote about the first part of James 4:8 so I decided to discuss the rest of it since this verse has also spoken to my heart. I feel like I'm kind of filthy spiritually. I feel like I sin left and right and it is just stacked upon me. It feels wrong and gross. I want to be able to blame it on this person I just kicked out of my life, but it is also on me. It is also me giving in to the temptations on my heart. If I were able to go against my temptations better, I wouldn't be as filthy as I am now. But coming to God I can become clean again by washing my hands and purifying my heart. I just need to remember this whenever I feel this way again. Come to God, confess my sins, and He will take them from me.
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." James 5:19-20
This one has a lot to do with Amelia, so pay attention, dear heart. I feel like I've been moving away from God for a while now. I've been wanting to move back toward Him, but never got motivated to pray or read my Bible in those times. Well, Amelia asked about this Bible study and since then it has helped burn it into my conscience that these are things I need to do. In doing so, this has pulled me closer to God and shown me things that I need to change about my life, sins I need to get rid of in my life. I am working on it and taking it one step at a time. But if it weren't for reading James yesterday I wouldn't have realized that I needed to kick the person James out of my life forever. So, by suggesting this Bible study Amelia has really shown me the sins I need to turn against. Thank you, AMELIA. I loves you.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Beginning of James
Amelia and I decided to start doing a Bible Study over Christmas break because we both have been struggling lately and it'll be good for us. We decided to start with the book of James. We started with chapter one today since it was the first full day of break.
"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my dear brothers." James 1: 13-16.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19
"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." James 1:21
Lately, I've been having a major issue with temptation. Not sexual temptation, but a temptation to behave in a way that is not something my Savior and my God would be happy with. I have been struggling with cutting. I did it on December 4th and again on December 5th. I have no done it since. It has been a struggle. But by being completely transparent about this issue it has been possible for me not to do it. I opened up to three people about this plus all of the people on here and a forum for mental health issues for young adults/adults and my tumblr account. It has been hard owning up to the fact that I hurt myself. It has also been hard to stop. But God did not tempt me to do this. God does not want me hurting myself. He doesn't want me hurting at all. God loves me. God doesn't think this is appropriate behavior for me. This violation of my skin is all on me. I could have and should have called out to God about my PTSD and my depression and my break up with Daryl and my desire to self-harm. Only God could save me from myself. Only God can help me with my issues. But since I've felt so far away from God lately it has been so hard to just ask for the help I need. I never considered the idea that by asking for God's help I am finding my way back into his presence and back into his arms. I am also having an issue of dealing with a friend of mine. A friend of mine and I have been talking a lot over the past few days. I assumed that getting to know each other better meant that we could fix the past mistakes. Turns out every night is a fight and every day isn't. It is hard and it tempts me to get very angry, very quickly. Also, he and I are very different. I never realized just how different until we spoke today. He wants me to become more vulgar in my language and in my thoughts because he thinks it's weird that I'm not. In a way it seems like he's trying to pull me away from God. Um, how about no? Because I dated a jerk who tried to do the same thing. Only at the time I didn't see what was happening. Now I do. And I won't allow it. My relationship with God may not be where it should be right now. But you aren't going to break into my relationship with God simply because you think my behavior is weird. Okay, according to society's standards, my behavior is weird. But it is supposed to be weird. I'm not supposed to fit into this world. I am meant to stand out by my different behavior because of my love for God and Christ in me. And wow that turned into a rant. Ha. I'm sorry.
I am having an issue with my anger. I think it mostly comes from my PTSD because that is a symptom of it, but sometimes I don't even try to control my anger. I just let it take over. Because being angry means I don't have to be sad or hurt or any other negative emotion. I can turn my anger onto someone and be on the attack and feel good about the fact that I'm not the one hurting in the situation. It's terrible. I hate that about me. I think that's one of the worst qualities I have. How horrible of a person am I? But I think if I try to reign in my anger and then rely on God, it'll all get better. Because when I've relied on God for control of my anger in the past then it has gotten better. So, I need to remember to focus on him when it comes to that anger.
I have a hard time kicking people out of my life who need it. Especially if they try to stay. It seems to me that they care whenever this happens. And it's hard for me to let go of people who seem to care about me. But in reality, these people who cling to me might not be doing so for the right reason and they might not be any good for my spiritual walk with Christ. I tried to kick my friend out of my life yesterday. The one who thinks my purity is so weird? I tried to make him leave my life and not come back. He clung on so much. It touched my heart because I thought it showed he cared. I ended up saying that I was sorry and accepting that maybe they should still be in my life if they care so much. Now I see that it's something I need to learn how to do so that I can continually do it for people who try to corrupt my relationship with God. It'll be hard. But it's necessary to save my relationship with God. That should be the most important thing for me from now until the end of eternity. No friends are more important than God in my life. Or that's the way it should be. That's not how it is now. I need to find a way to shift my priorities because they're not okay right now.
What do I do?
"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my dear brothers." James 1: 13-16.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19
"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." James 1:21
Lately, I've been having a major issue with temptation. Not sexual temptation, but a temptation to behave in a way that is not something my Savior and my God would be happy with. I have been struggling with cutting. I did it on December 4th and again on December 5th. I have no done it since. It has been a struggle. But by being completely transparent about this issue it has been possible for me not to do it. I opened up to three people about this plus all of the people on here and a forum for mental health issues for young adults/adults and my tumblr account. It has been hard owning up to the fact that I hurt myself. It has also been hard to stop. But God did not tempt me to do this. God does not want me hurting myself. He doesn't want me hurting at all. God loves me. God doesn't think this is appropriate behavior for me. This violation of my skin is all on me. I could have and should have called out to God about my PTSD and my depression and my break up with Daryl and my desire to self-harm. Only God could save me from myself. Only God can help me with my issues. But since I've felt so far away from God lately it has been so hard to just ask for the help I need. I never considered the idea that by asking for God's help I am finding my way back into his presence and back into his arms. I am also having an issue of dealing with a friend of mine. A friend of mine and I have been talking a lot over the past few days. I assumed that getting to know each other better meant that we could fix the past mistakes. Turns out every night is a fight and every day isn't. It is hard and it tempts me to get very angry, very quickly. Also, he and I are very different. I never realized just how different until we spoke today. He wants me to become more vulgar in my language and in my thoughts because he thinks it's weird that I'm not. In a way it seems like he's trying to pull me away from God. Um, how about no? Because I dated a jerk who tried to do the same thing. Only at the time I didn't see what was happening. Now I do. And I won't allow it. My relationship with God may not be where it should be right now. But you aren't going to break into my relationship with God simply because you think my behavior is weird. Okay, according to society's standards, my behavior is weird. But it is supposed to be weird. I'm not supposed to fit into this world. I am meant to stand out by my different behavior because of my love for God and Christ in me. And wow that turned into a rant. Ha. I'm sorry.
I am having an issue with my anger. I think it mostly comes from my PTSD because that is a symptom of it, but sometimes I don't even try to control my anger. I just let it take over. Because being angry means I don't have to be sad or hurt or any other negative emotion. I can turn my anger onto someone and be on the attack and feel good about the fact that I'm not the one hurting in the situation. It's terrible. I hate that about me. I think that's one of the worst qualities I have. How horrible of a person am I? But I think if I try to reign in my anger and then rely on God, it'll all get better. Because when I've relied on God for control of my anger in the past then it has gotten better. So, I need to remember to focus on him when it comes to that anger.
I have a hard time kicking people out of my life who need it. Especially if they try to stay. It seems to me that they care whenever this happens. And it's hard for me to let go of people who seem to care about me. But in reality, these people who cling to me might not be doing so for the right reason and they might not be any good for my spiritual walk with Christ. I tried to kick my friend out of my life yesterday. The one who thinks my purity is so weird? I tried to make him leave my life and not come back. He clung on so much. It touched my heart because I thought it showed he cared. I ended up saying that I was sorry and accepting that maybe they should still be in my life if they care so much. Now I see that it's something I need to learn how to do so that I can continually do it for people who try to corrupt my relationship with God. It'll be hard. But it's necessary to save my relationship with God. That should be the most important thing for me from now until the end of eternity. No friends are more important than God in my life. Or that's the way it should be. That's not how it is now. I need to find a way to shift my priorities because they're not okay right now.
What do I do?
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
POST BY ISABELLA
I started cutting recently. I don't know for sure exactly how it all started. But the only thing I can think about right now is: I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT.
Maybe putting this out there will help me be accountable in NOT doing it. I don't want this to become an addiction. I'm grossed out by it. I'm sickened by it....when I'm not doing it.
Maybe putting this out there will help me be accountable in NOT doing it. I don't want this to become an addiction. I'm grossed out by it. I'm sickened by it....when I'm not doing it.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Finals Start Soon
Hey guys,
It's Isabella here. I haven't been on here very much at all this semester. I'm so sorry for that. Life has been crazy. I plan on posting a lot more after finals are over. Speaking of finals, they start on Thursday for the rest of the school, but my American Literature professor decided we'd take half of our final on Wednesday for some reason. So, my finals start on Wednesday (Amelia's birthday!). I will take my last final on Tuesday night. I have seven finals to take in less than a full week so we'll see how everything goes. I'm really worried, but also hopeful. Everything will work out, right? Right. If not...well, let's not get into the if not section.
My schedule for the next week or so looks like this:
Monday (today)- Presentation (finished, thank goodness!)
Tuesday- Extra credit due and quiz.
Wednesday-Final part 1 for Am. Lit.
Thursday- Adv. Video Final; Linguistics Final
Friday- Final part 2 for Am. Lit.
Monday- English Lit Final; Young Adult Lit Final
Tuesday- Fantasy Lit Final
I'm pretty worried about my finals, but I need to just take it one step at a time. It'll all work out.
It's Isabella here. I haven't been on here very much at all this semester. I'm so sorry for that. Life has been crazy. I plan on posting a lot more after finals are over. Speaking of finals, they start on Thursday for the rest of the school, but my American Literature professor decided we'd take half of our final on Wednesday for some reason. So, my finals start on Wednesday (Amelia's birthday!). I will take my last final on Tuesday night. I have seven finals to take in less than a full week so we'll see how everything goes. I'm really worried, but also hopeful. Everything will work out, right? Right. If not...well, let's not get into the if not section.
My schedule for the next week or so looks like this:
Monday (today)- Presentation (finished, thank goodness!)
Tuesday- Extra credit due and quiz.
Wednesday-Final part 1 for Am. Lit.
Thursday- Adv. Video Final; Linguistics Final
Friday- Final part 2 for Am. Lit.
Monday- English Lit Final; Young Adult Lit Final
Tuesday- Fantasy Lit Final
I'm pretty worried about my finals, but I need to just take it one step at a time. It'll all work out.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Yes, I am still alive. Thanks for noticing.
Post by Isabella-
I am so sorry for not writing for so long. I have been swept up in the madness that is school. We're about half way through the semester and I'm just now getting a chance to write a real blog so that shows you just how crazy my life has been lately.
I would try to explain the hectic and craziness that is my life lately, but it's not really interesting at the moment. I have been going to school, working out, and not really having time for much else. I guess the only really interesting thing about this semester would be that I started dating a U.S. soldier. He was on his way out for his second tour when we started talking online and started dating shortly after. It was very quick and I know a lot of people probably think I'm crazy for doing it, but it was definitely the right decision for me. Things are rough and that's just how things are going to be for a while.
I have more to say, but I'm currently fighting with my mother. I'm so sick and tired of this. It's been like this all weekend. I'm ready to go back to school all freaking ready. Gah. I'll try to write more later.
I am so sorry for not writing for so long. I have been swept up in the madness that is school. We're about half way through the semester and I'm just now getting a chance to write a real blog so that shows you just how crazy my life has been lately.
I would try to explain the hectic and craziness that is my life lately, but it's not really interesting at the moment. I have been going to school, working out, and not really having time for much else. I guess the only really interesting thing about this semester would be that I started dating a U.S. soldier. He was on his way out for his second tour when we started talking online and started dating shortly after. It was very quick and I know a lot of people probably think I'm crazy for doing it, but it was definitely the right decision for me. Things are rough and that's just how things are going to be for a while.
I have more to say, but I'm currently fighting with my mother. I'm so sick and tired of this. It's been like this all weekend. I'm ready to go back to school all freaking ready. Gah. I'll try to write more later.
Monday, August 8, 2011
The anglophile in me worries
Post by Isabella-
I will add my opinion about these riots later today when I have more time to sit down and write.
There's a riot going on in London right now and I'm sitting here in my dorm watching ignorant people discuss the issue on Omegle.
Here are the facts as they stand now:
- A drug dealer was shot by police officers
- After that, people led a peaceful protest
- The protest turned violent
- Police have been injured, some hospitalized
- Rioting and looting has been going on for three nights
- A mass clean up is underway. For more information on clean up efforts, visit http://www.riotcleanup.co.uk/
- Riots have taken place in London, Birmingham, Liverpool, Bristol, Leeds, Nottingham.
- Parliment to be recalled on Thursday to discuss the riots.
- The Met police plan to deploy 13,000 officers in London over the next 24 hours.
- A 26-year-old man was shot in a car in Croydon last night.
I will add my opinion about these riots later today when I have more time to sit down and write.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Quick Update:
Post by Isabella-
Hey.
I just wanted to do a quick update. I've been a little busy so I'm sorry that I haven't been posting that much. I was up for the entire Pottermore experience, during the same week my A.C. stopped working for two days, I moved back to school, my mom had car problems, I unpacked everything and I read three books. Today roommate and I had a TwiBadMovie marathon. I forgot my ethernet cable at home so I need to buy one soon. Supposedly, I'm going tomorrow to buy another. Besides that I'm just preparing to get back into the swing of things. Everyone moves in on Wednesday so I'm going to enjoy my time away from people while I can.
More soon,
Loves.
Hey.
I just wanted to do a quick update. I've been a little busy so I'm sorry that I haven't been posting that much. I was up for the entire Pottermore experience, during the same week my A.C. stopped working for two days, I moved back to school, my mom had car problems, I unpacked everything and I read three books. Today roommate and I had a TwiBadMovie marathon. I forgot my ethernet cable at home so I need to buy one soon. Supposedly, I'm going tomorrow to buy another. Besides that I'm just preparing to get back into the swing of things. Everyone moves in on Wednesday so I'm going to enjoy my time away from people while I can.
More soon,
Loves.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Invisible Illness Awareness Week
Post by Isabella-
There is apparently an online advocacy thing going on about "Invisible Illness Awareness." It is to raise awareness about mental health disorders and other "invisible" illnesses. I think this is pretty neat. They have a survey that people can take online so here is mine:
1. The illness I live with is:
PTSD and depression.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:
2011
3. But I had symptoms since:
Depression: At least since a friend in high school started talking about killing herself. I ended up turning her in because I was worried. The loss of that relationship afterward caused me to kind of start spiraling downward. But the depression would come and go. PTSD: I noticed early January of 2010.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:
Dealing with the nightmares and panic attacks. Also, having to sensor myself with what I watch/read/listen to when I never had to do so before.
5. Most people assume:
That the nightmares should be easier to deal with than how I handle them.
6. The hardest part about mornings are:
Remembering the nightmares and trying to ground myself. It can take anywhere from 20 minutes to several hours for me to feel safe enough to get out of bed.
7. My favourite medical TV show is:
I don't have one.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
Phone.
9. The hardest part about nights are:
Falling asleep and the nightmares. I wake up anywhere from 2 to 10 times a night from nightmares. Then I start the process of grounding myself so I can be calm enough to go back to bed.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins.
No pills or vitamins. I take Tylenol PM or benedryl whenever I have a really hard time going to bed.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I:
I don’t think I use any? I guess "grounding" could count?
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
I don't know. I know the arguments for invisible: you're able to tell someone about it or choose to hide it, people don't have to know what you're going through...etc. I kind of prefer visible because I wouldn't have to explain or deal with people who don't really understand (or want to understand).
13. Regarding working and career:
I worked for two weeks this summer before I had issues with panic attacks brought on by triggers at work. I have been home for the summer preparing to go back to school this fall.
14. People would be surprised to know:
How rough it can get for me. I just don't think anyone understands or wants to understand.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
The fact that my sense of safety is gone. I will never feel content or safe anywhere. I will always be on my guard. I will always put my keys in between my fingers when I'm walking alone. I will never sit with my back to the door and feel safe. I will always make plans in my head for escape routes when I walk in a new building just in case.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Be comfortable around boys again.
17. The commercials about my illness:
The ones for depression are pretty obvious. There are online ones for PTSD, but they're all about military men and women which is a little frustrating. They aren't the only ones who deal with this issue.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
Well, since this whole thing started: sleeping through the night.
19. It was really hard to have to give up:
The typical giving up a good night of sleep...etc. But something that was difficult to pick up was "grounding." It just seemed really silly and that made it hard to do.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
Going over my nightmares during the daylight hours and trying to analyze them. It's helped me realize what my mind is trying to tell me while I'm asleep, but it's difficult.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
I don’t remember what normal is, but I would probably hang out with friends, watch all the things that I avoid and then go to bed really early so I could sleep well for a while.
22. My illness has taught me:
People are horrible, sick, twisted individuals who do the absolute worst things to each other. People can do crap like that and get away with it. I can fake a good day. I can let myself wallow on a really bad day.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:
"I'm sorry." "Tell me where he lives. I'm going to kick his a**." "You'll be okay." Or if they just give me a pitying look.
24. But I love it when people:
Treat me normally.
Are just there for me.
Cuddle. (Physical contact helps my dissociation more than anything else.)
25. My favourite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
A quote from Firefly:
-“Well, we’re still flying.”
-“That’s not much.”
-“It’s enough.”
I also like this quote from “Concrete Angel”: “Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone.”
**These were not mine originally, but reading them from another person with depression and PTSD was really uplifting. I love it.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
It's really hard, but I'm here for you. I understand what you're going through and whatever you need from me, you got it.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
How strong certain things can hit. Like a post I made a while back about my mom and I.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:
Sat up with me on the phone when I just woke up from a nightmare.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
I had no idea what that is. I just saw this under the PTSD tag on Tumblr. Then I did some research and fell in love with this idea. So many people don't understand how big of an issue this actually is, don't understand how much people suffer every single day.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:
Surprised, cared for, happy.
I know that's a lot of stuff, but it felt really good to get all of it out. I also really hope that IIA Week can go well and people can become more informed about mental health and mental health issues along with other "invisible" illnesses.
"If you are in pain, you are not alone."
Monday, July 25, 2011
I'll See Her There
Post by Isabella-
This weekend was fun and kinda different for me. I don't spend a lot of my time going to Wizard Rock concerts that are out of my way. We drove to Oklahoma City on Saturday, checked into a hotel then had about an hour to waste until the concert.
We grabbed some food on the way to the show. If I remember correctly, this was the line up: Jason Munday, Mike Lombardo, Luke Conard (Kristina was sick so no ALL CAPS, but Luke was still good) and Alex Carpenter. Jason's set was good. Mike sang with him for a song which was amazing. Alex and Mike had a lightsaber battle during one of Jason's songs. This was the first time I had seen Mike Lombardo live and I have to say that it was awesome. I also loved his tree tattoo which I didn't notice until after the show when Lucy or someone asked him about it. Luke played a mixture of ALL CAPS and his music. During "Summer of '09" (which he obviously didn't intend to do, but the crowd--cheered on by Alex--peer pressured him into doing it), Luke mostly had the audience sing on Kristina's parts. I really don't know what else to say about Luke's set. He's always good. Alex wrapped up the show. I noticed he's really good with the audience which I think is great. I wish he would have just accepted the "wooooo"s and hand waving without question. But he got a lot of grown people howling instead which is always good for a laugh, I guess. After the concert people got hugs and photos (of course I took the photos and stood awkwardly to the side, like always) and bought merch. I ended up picking up the ALL CAPS CD "Lowercase." It has a lot of songs I've already heard on it, but I'm glad I bought it. I already have one of their other CDs. Oh, and Alex gave my little group a "mission" for the show on Sunday.
After the concert, we went to bricktown and bought tickets for a showing of the HP movie. We had some time before the show so we walked around and stopped at Sonic. Then the movie. I cried. Of course. But there was this family with a lot of children in the theater so that kind of took away from the emotional aspect--you know since they were yelling at each other in Spanish and running around. Then we went back to the hotel and went to bed.
Sunday--
We ate breakfast at the hotel and relaxed until check out time. Then we had lunch at Chili's before going to see X-Men First Class. Okay, the dork in me really (x10) wants to nerd out about this movie since it was the first time I've seen it, but I'll just say that it was good, but it doesn't stand up to the other movies and comics as far as story lines go. Okay. Back to the other stuff. We went to the mall. I found a Ravenclaw-esk blouse and a Hunger Games shirt. Then we had dinner before heading to the other show.
Tonks and the Aurors played first. It was a good show. I've seen Steph three times so far so obviously I like her music. Of course, she broke a string on her guitar. She was sweet and I loved her merch. I wish I could have bought some, but I got distracted by other merch. After Steph was Justin Finch-Fletchly and the Sugar Quills. I liked his show. I hadn't really heard a lot of his music before, but I really liked it. Of course, he broke a string on his guitar. I signed up for his e-mail list and bought a button. I liked his stuff (and he was kinda cute...don't judge me), but I think I'll wait to buy any of his music. Then, ah, was Lauren Fairweather. Now, I've only heard of one of her songs before this show. But she had Lucy crying...twice. And I absolutely loved her stuff. I ended up buying Devil's Snare. I was considering buying a copy of her Snape/Lily album even though Lucy already has it. I decided that Devil's Snare was a better option since I wanted "Post-Potter Depression," "I'm Going to Hogwarts," and "Nerdfighterlike." Of course, Lauren did not break any strings on her guitar. Then came the mission: Matt Maggiacomo. After last night's show, Alex had given my group the mission to do the "woooooo" *hand motions* every time someone claps and shouts for Matt. So that's what we did. You could tell he was super freaked out for the first part of his set, but after a while he just kind of accepted it. Which meant that he didn't ever ask what it was about. So, after the show we shoved Lucy at Matt to explain what it was about. Of course, Matt broke a string on his guitar. (They should really rename their show the "Broken Strings Tour.") After the show, we bought merch and got hugs and high fives. And by we "...got hugs and high fives" I mean they got hugs and high fives while I took the pics and stood to the side awkwardly. But I did have a good talk with Lauren for a while.
Then we drove back to Tulsa. I got home and pretty much crashed. It was a good, but kind of long weekend. I'm not usually the "follow bands around and go to several shows in a few days" kind of person. I was kinda forced to go to these shows, but I don't regret it. I love these musicians and it was great. I just don't like the idea of going way out of my way for shows. Of course, wrockstock was different. I don't know. A few kids who were at the show last night had gone to all of the JFF (and Co.) shows that were in the state or from the past month. Or something. I don't remember. I just think that's borderline obsessive and kinda creepy. I like all these bands, don't get me wrong. I just don't have any kind of obsession towards them or their music. Ehh. *shrugs shoulder* It was a good weekend for the most part. It got me more music and merch which I always like.
Note: The title comes from the song "I'll See Her There" by Jason Munday ft. Mike Lombardo. That song was so good live this weekend. I hadn't been exposed to a lot of Mike Lombardo's music before, but I have to say that his voice is so pretty.
This weekend was fun and kinda different for me. I don't spend a lot of my time going to Wizard Rock concerts that are out of my way. We drove to Oklahoma City on Saturday, checked into a hotel then had about an hour to waste until the concert.
We grabbed some food on the way to the show. If I remember correctly, this was the line up: Jason Munday, Mike Lombardo, Luke Conard (Kristina was sick so no ALL CAPS, but Luke was still good) and Alex Carpenter. Jason's set was good. Mike sang with him for a song which was amazing. Alex and Mike had a lightsaber battle during one of Jason's songs. This was the first time I had seen Mike Lombardo live and I have to say that it was awesome. I also loved his tree tattoo which I didn't notice until after the show when Lucy or someone asked him about it. Luke played a mixture of ALL CAPS and his music. During "Summer of '09" (which he obviously didn't intend to do, but the crowd--cheered on by Alex--peer pressured him into doing it), Luke mostly had the audience sing on Kristina's parts. I really don't know what else to say about Luke's set. He's always good. Alex wrapped up the show. I noticed he's really good with the audience which I think is great. I wish he would have just accepted the "wooooo"s and hand waving without question. But he got a lot of grown people howling instead which is always good for a laugh, I guess. After the concert people got hugs and photos (of course I took the photos and stood awkwardly to the side, like always) and bought merch. I ended up picking up the ALL CAPS CD "Lowercase." It has a lot of songs I've already heard on it, but I'm glad I bought it. I already have one of their other CDs. Oh, and Alex gave my little group a "mission" for the show on Sunday.
After the concert, we went to bricktown and bought tickets for a showing of the HP movie. We had some time before the show so we walked around and stopped at Sonic. Then the movie. I cried. Of course. But there was this family with a lot of children in the theater so that kind of took away from the emotional aspect--you know since they were yelling at each other in Spanish and running around. Then we went back to the hotel and went to bed.
Sunday--
We ate breakfast at the hotel and relaxed until check out time. Then we had lunch at Chili's before going to see X-Men First Class. Okay, the dork in me really (x10) wants to nerd out about this movie since it was the first time I've seen it, but I'll just say that it was good, but it doesn't stand up to the other movies and comics as far as story lines go. Okay. Back to the other stuff. We went to the mall. I found a Ravenclaw-esk blouse and a Hunger Games shirt. Then we had dinner before heading to the other show.
Tonks and the Aurors played first. It was a good show. I've seen Steph three times so far so obviously I like her music. Of course, she broke a string on her guitar. She was sweet and I loved her merch. I wish I could have bought some, but I got distracted by other merch. After Steph was Justin Finch-Fletchly and the Sugar Quills. I liked his show. I hadn't really heard a lot of his music before, but I really liked it. Of course, he broke a string on his guitar. I signed up for his e-mail list and bought a button. I liked his stuff (and he was kinda cute...don't judge me), but I think I'll wait to buy any of his music. Then, ah, was Lauren Fairweather. Now, I've only heard of one of her songs before this show. But she had Lucy crying...twice. And I absolutely loved her stuff. I ended up buying Devil's Snare. I was considering buying a copy of her Snape/Lily album even though Lucy already has it. I decided that Devil's Snare was a better option since I wanted "Post-Potter Depression," "I'm Going to Hogwarts," and "Nerdfighterlike." Of course, Lauren did not break any strings on her guitar. Then came the mission: Matt Maggiacomo. After last night's show, Alex had given my group the mission to do the "woooooo" *hand motions* every time someone claps and shouts for Matt. So that's what we did. You could tell he was super freaked out for the first part of his set, but after a while he just kind of accepted it. Which meant that he didn't ever ask what it was about. So, after the show we shoved Lucy at Matt to explain what it was about. Of course, Matt broke a string on his guitar. (They should really rename their show the "Broken Strings Tour.") After the show, we bought merch and got hugs and high fives. And by we "...got hugs and high fives" I mean they got hugs and high fives while I took the pics and stood to the side awkwardly. But I did have a good talk with Lauren for a while.
Then we drove back to Tulsa. I got home and pretty much crashed. It was a good, but kind of long weekend. I'm not usually the "follow bands around and go to several shows in a few days" kind of person. I was kinda forced to go to these shows, but I don't regret it. I love these musicians and it was great. I just don't like the idea of going way out of my way for shows. Of course, wrockstock was different. I don't know. A few kids who were at the show last night had gone to all of the JFF (and Co.) shows that were in the state or from the past month. Or something. I don't remember. I just think that's borderline obsessive and kinda creepy. I like all these bands, don't get me wrong. I just don't have any kind of obsession towards them or their music. Ehh. *shrugs shoulder* It was a good weekend for the most part. It got me more music and merch which I always like.
Note: The title comes from the song "I'll See Her There" by Jason Munday ft. Mike Lombardo. That song was so good live this weekend. I hadn't been exposed to a lot of Mike Lombardo's music before, but I have to say that his voice is so pretty.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Like a Yo-Yo I'm Up and Down and Up and Down
Post by Isabella-
I'm not the type of person who would run away from things that bother me. Usually, I confront them head on. Sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes, for the worst. But that feeling's been creeping up my legs for the past day or so now.
When things get really rough for me mentally, I tend to want to confront or run. Fight or flight. Most of the time I fight. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I'm sucked under the pain and anguish. The nightmares and the flashbacks. There have been very few times I wanted to run. Far. The time I wanted to switch schools in the middle of junior year of college, but didn't. The time I had packed my duffle bag the summer between high school and college, but didn't go anywhere. Now.
Things have been going well. I finished three books in three days. I have been preparing to go back to school. I've been having fewer nightmares per night. Then today happened. I was taking a break from reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins to eat lunch at my computer while I check my e-mail. Then I hear the movie my mom is watching in the same room. A guy is yelling at his fiancee for spend a few hundred dollars of their wedding money on helping crippled children who were sitting on the street corner. He was wanting a necklace he gave her back so that he could use it for the couple of hundred dollars she spent. She refused to give it back. Then the screaming started. She was backing out of the room while he advanced on her. All that I could see was yelling and screaming and advancing and backing up. I freaked. I screamed at my mom to change the channel. She wouldn't. She didn't know why I was so upset and kept trying to talk to me while the people on the screen were yelling and advancing and pulling their hand back and cowering... I ran out of the room.
I eventually went back to the front room and yelled at my mom. I shouted about "yeah, I don't know what about that scene could possibly have upset me." She eventually said "I'm sorry. I didn't know." I explained that she should have just respected what I was, well, shouting, at her about changing the channel. She talked about how she's not a mind reader and didn't understand what was going on and how she was sorry she upset me. She said something about how she forgot. To which I replied, "because you don't live with it every day."
This is the worst--I don't even know what to call it--I've had in a long time. Episode? Flashback? Trigger? I don't know. I'm kind of freaked out about that. I'm afraid to go to bed now. I don't want to have nightmares. I'm sure I will have bad ones tonight.
I don't know much these days. This is a pretty depressing post. I'll do better next time. Promise. *holds out pinky for a pinky promise*
I'm not the type of person who would run away from things that bother me. Usually, I confront them head on. Sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes, for the worst. But that feeling's been creeping up my legs for the past day or so now.
When things get really rough for me mentally, I tend to want to confront or run. Fight or flight. Most of the time I fight. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I'm sucked under the pain and anguish. The nightmares and the flashbacks. There have been very few times I wanted to run. Far. The time I wanted to switch schools in the middle of junior year of college, but didn't. The time I had packed my duffle bag the summer between high school and college, but didn't go anywhere. Now.
Things have been going well. I finished three books in three days. I have been preparing to go back to school. I've been having fewer nightmares per night. Then today happened. I was taking a break from reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins to eat lunch at my computer while I check my e-mail. Then I hear the movie my mom is watching in the same room. A guy is yelling at his fiancee for spend a few hundred dollars of their wedding money on helping crippled children who were sitting on the street corner. He was wanting a necklace he gave her back so that he could use it for the couple of hundred dollars she spent. She refused to give it back. Then the screaming started. She was backing out of the room while he advanced on her. All that I could see was yelling and screaming and advancing and backing up. I freaked. I screamed at my mom to change the channel. She wouldn't. She didn't know why I was so upset and kept trying to talk to me while the people on the screen were yelling and advancing and pulling their hand back and cowering... I ran out of the room.
I eventually went back to the front room and yelled at my mom. I shouted about "yeah, I don't know what about that scene could possibly have upset me." She eventually said "I'm sorry. I didn't know." I explained that she should have just respected what I was, well, shouting, at her about changing the channel. She talked about how she's not a mind reader and didn't understand what was going on and how she was sorry she upset me. She said something about how she forgot. To which I replied, "because you don't live with it every day."
This is the worst--I don't even know what to call it--I've had in a long time. Episode? Flashback? Trigger? I don't know. I'm kind of freaked out about that. I'm afraid to go to bed now. I don't want to have nightmares. I'm sure I will have bad ones tonight.
I don't know much these days. This is a pretty depressing post. I'll do better next time. Promise. *holds out pinky for a pinky promise*
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Ramble
Post by Isabella-
Hello, all.
It seems like things have quieted down on the internet over the past few days. Is everyone okay? Or should I just assume that this is all part of a diversion method until you all come out of the woodwork to kill us?
Well, I have just received a brand new, shiny capstone advisor! *imitates yelling crowd* Whoo hoo. Yea! What? Okay, so it's not that exciting. But it has made me all nervous. I don't know what I'm doing anymore! Side note, I'm on the fourth book out of 20 for my fall literature classes and I'm FREAKING OUT that I won't finish them all before classes start IN LESS THAN A MONTH. Oh, Godric. I'm gonna die.
Okay, time to get back to the book. Byee! *waves while walking away slowly*
*runs back* Oh, and boys are creepy. Bye!
*runs away*
Hello, all.
It seems like things have quieted down on the internet over the past few days. Is everyone okay? Or should I just assume that this is all part of a diversion method until you all come out of the woodwork to kill us?
Well, I have just received a brand new, shiny capstone advisor! *imitates yelling crowd* Whoo hoo. Yea! What? Okay, so it's not that exciting. But it has made me all nervous. I don't know what I'm doing anymore! Side note, I'm on the fourth book out of 20 for my fall literature classes and I'm FREAKING OUT that I won't finish them all before classes start IN LESS THAN A MONTH. Oh, Godric. I'm gonna die.
Okay, time to get back to the book. Byee! *waves while walking away slowly*
*runs back* Oh, and boys are creepy. Bye!
*runs away*
Saturday, July 16, 2011
NaNoWriMo and More
Post by a slightly overly hyper Isabella-
I'm sure everyone around me knows by now what NaNoWriMo is so I won't go into details trying to explain it. But I have come up with a new story idea for this year...kind of. It's an old concept kind of revamped and it's also something that is kind of (read greatly) influenced by my personal history. Not too sure how I feel about that.
Anyway, here is the plot synopsis I've come up with: A college student in Middle of Nowhere, USA begins struggling in classes, friendships, and life when her world comes crashing down around her.
I know it's not the most imaginative thing out there but the writing bug just kind of hit me earlier. Plus, it's NaNoWriMo, it's not supposed to be perfect. I've also created a calendar, but I don't have Photoshop on any of the school computers so I can't make it right now, but here are a few highlights from the calendar: November 3, Fingers hurting? Be sure to stretch them inbetween silly character banter.; November 6, Your inner critic may be nagging. Kill him.; November 11, Challenge: Include the word "salty."; November 19, Dear diary, all sense of plot is gone and Neville Longbottom made a cameo.; November 25, Everybody loves a penguin or twelve, why don't you add some to your novel?; November 29, Pull out everything you got for the last two days. Throw in a plot twist if you need it. Etcetera. It's a cute calendar...If I could ever get to Photoshop to make it.
On another note: I've read well over 1,000 pages in the past week. I finished three books. Two from roughly the middle and one from beginning to end. I also started reading another, but I was so depressed/sleepy from the midnight showing of HP that I have spent the past two days watching Gilmore Girls and sleeping. Actually, I've also been preparing stuff for my graduate school applications and my capstone project. So, I've been productive, just not as productive as I have wanted to be.
Okay, done ranting. My roommate is off work for dinner and wants to hang out so I am going to leave this right here.
Also, I have no idea what's going on with the background, font and font color. So, don't ask me. Evil technology...
I'm sure everyone around me knows by now what NaNoWriMo is so I won't go into details trying to explain it. But I have come up with a new story idea for this year...kind of. It's an old concept kind of revamped and it's also something that is kind of (read greatly) influenced by my personal history. Not too sure how I feel about that.
Anyway, here is the plot synopsis I've come up with: A college student in Middle of Nowhere, USA begins struggling in classes, friendships, and life when her world comes crashing down around her.
I know it's not the most imaginative thing out there but the writing bug just kind of hit me earlier. Plus, it's NaNoWriMo, it's not supposed to be perfect. I've also created a calendar, but I don't have Photoshop on any of the school computers so I can't make it right now, but here are a few highlights from the calendar: November 3, Fingers hurting? Be sure to stretch them inbetween silly character banter.; November 6, Your inner critic may be nagging. Kill him.; November 11, Challenge: Include the word "salty."; November 19, Dear diary, all sense of plot is gone and Neville Longbottom made a cameo.; November 25, Everybody loves a penguin or twelve, why don't you add some to your novel?; November 29, Pull out everything you got for the last two days. Throw in a plot twist if you need it. Etcetera. It's a cute calendar...If I could ever get to Photoshop to make it.
On another note: I've read well over 1,000 pages in the past week. I finished three books. Two from roughly the middle and one from beginning to end. I also started reading another, but I was so depressed/sleepy from the midnight showing of HP that I have spent the past two days watching Gilmore Girls and sleeping. Actually, I've also been preparing stuff for my graduate school applications and my capstone project. So, I've been productive, just not as productive as I have wanted to be.
Okay, done ranting. My roommate is off work for dinner and wants to hang out so I am going to leave this right here.
Also, I have no idea what's going on with the background, font and font color. So, don't ask me. Evil technology...
Thursday, July 14, 2011
My body will lie in the theater forever
Post by Isabella-
I should probably start this off by saying that I'm sorry it has taken us so long to update the blog. Things got busy when it started getting close to today's date. As many of you know, today is the day Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 comes out. The roommate and I have been freaking out about that since July started--actually it was probably before then. So, again I apologize for our absence.
The plan for today is that I'll be getting to the theater around five this afternoon. I'm sure people are going to get there way before me, but I'm also kind of nervous that I'll be the first one there. That would be so awkward for me. Then one of the roommate's summer roommates is going to get there in between 6 and 8 or so. The roommate won't actually get there until after she gets off work at 10. Then there's the usual line games. Movie at 12.
I'm not prepared. I am so not prepared. It feels like this, the end, has been sneaking up on me from day one. I also sort of feel like a doofus for being so emotional. I've loved this series for so long and everything is coming to an end. It feels less like the end of something and more like the death of a really close friend. I know that the series doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to others. For some people it's just a book series, just a movie franchise. They don't understand the connection that I, and about a milion other people, have made with the series. They may feel that I'm pathetic or weak or stupid or sad or other ridiculous things, but I feel sorry for them. They don't understand the joy of truly geeking out about something. Of being a nerd and absolutely LOVING something. That it what seems truly sad to me.
I know that it's not truly the end, but this feels like the end of something big.
Rupert Grint: "After being in Harry Potter, I believe a bit more in magic than I did before."
Daniel Radcliffe: "Harry Potter is rather like the mafia, I guess. Once you're in, you never get out."
Emma Watson: "It's got be 'magical,' hasn't it?"
I should probably start this off by saying that I'm sorry it has taken us so long to update the blog. Things got busy when it started getting close to today's date. As many of you know, today is the day Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 comes out. The roommate and I have been freaking out about that since July started--actually it was probably before then. So, again I apologize for our absence.
The plan for today is that I'll be getting to the theater around five this afternoon. I'm sure people are going to get there way before me, but I'm also kind of nervous that I'll be the first one there. That would be so awkward for me. Then one of the roommate's summer roommates is going to get there in between 6 and 8 or so. The roommate won't actually get there until after she gets off work at 10. Then there's the usual line games. Movie at 12.
I'm not prepared. I am so not prepared. It feels like this, the end, has been sneaking up on me from day one. I also sort of feel like a doofus for being so emotional. I've loved this series for so long and everything is coming to an end. It feels less like the end of something and more like the death of a really close friend. I know that the series doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to others. For some people it's just a book series, just a movie franchise. They don't understand the connection that I, and about a milion other people, have made with the series. They may feel that I'm pathetic or weak or stupid or sad or other ridiculous things, but I feel sorry for them. They don't understand the joy of truly geeking out about something. Of being a nerd and absolutely LOVING something. That it what seems truly sad to me.
I know that it's not truly the end, but this feels like the end of something big.
Rupert Grint: "After being in Harry Potter, I believe a bit more in magic than I did before."
Daniel Radcliffe: "Harry Potter is rather like the mafia, I guess. Once you're in, you never get out."
Emma Watson: "It's got be 'magical,' hasn't it?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)