"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." v 5-6
When you ask God for something, don't doubt. God already knows what you want. He hears all your prayers, and answers all of them. They may not be want you want the answers to be, and he might be telling you to wait. Trust him. He knows what he is doing.
I have been dealing with some stuff. Actually, both Isabella and myself have been dealing with stuff. Depression, PTSD, money problems, breakups. For me, what I'm stressing about right now is money problems. I still owe money to the school, which means there is a hold on my record, which means I can't enroll for next semester. I cried about it. A lot. But I never asked God for help. Why? Because I felt that, since I have been ignoring him for a long time now, that it would be selfish of me to ask. Like, the only reason I am going to him is because I need help. Instead, I tried to deal with it on my own. I went to the bank first for a loan. The first time I went, I needed a cosigner. The second time I went, because of my income, they said they couldn't help me. Unless I had something to use as collateral.
When the loan option failed, I asked a friend. She offered to help me before I went to the bank, but I turned her down, because I just wasn't comfortable taking money from her. So after the bank said they couldn't help, I decided to take her up on the offer. I have also been making small payments myself. I'm worried that it won't be enough. I'm not going to have everything paid off before I go home for Christmas, and neither my job nor the admin building will be open again until Jan (everything closes 21 Dec). I will have two weeks once classes start to get everything paid off. After that, I get kicked out of the dorm. Where will I go? What will I do?
I have got my bills down to a little under $400. I will have at least two more paychecks coming up (I'm not sure if there will be a third one or not). I have paid my phone bill for the month, so I shouldn't need to worry about that until Jan.
I know that I need God's guidance. When I ask him, I need to be confident. Not like, "God, I know that you are going to give me money to pay everything off before I get kicked out of the dorms." More like, "God, this is what I need. I trust you to help me through this. No matter what happens, it is in your hands." As I said, God knows what I need. I just need to let go, and let him take care of it.
How do I let go?
1 comment:
I don't know about you, but the first two chapters of this book kicked me in the teeth. So much. I think this is some great insight.
God not only hears what your prayers, but He knows what you're going to pray about before you do it. So, be confident in your prayer and be confident in the result of praying. There is so much power in prayer. Asking for help when we need it can be scary, I know. But it is far better than what happens when we don't ask for help.
Of course, I'm being a completely hypocrite about this because I don't do that when I need help. I try to deal with the PTSD and depression and breakups on my own. How ridiculous. I can't handle all of that. I can't even handle one aspect of that on my own. That would explain my downhill slide over the past few weeks and why I still cannot let go of Daryl. I think both us grasping on to our problems and being unwilling to let God in is the cause of the extra hurt.
I feel more confident now that you will be able to pay off everything and get everything taken care of in time. But if it doesn't happen, there is a God who loves you and has a plan for you. It all happens for a reason. Trust in that. God loves you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. If the time comes where you need to consider what would happen if you don't get it paid off then we'll figure it out. With God's help. He is the only one who knows what the right decision would be.
God should become the foundation we both rely on for any type of decision and any kind of help we need. Letting go is hard, but if you can ask God for help with these issues it will help tremendously.
I will make my own post about what we read today in a minute or two. Just remember to breathe and know that God and I love you.
~Isabella
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