Post by Amelia--
So, I waited a long time for the clue to be revealed. Then, had trouble getting to the actual quill page. Then, had trouble getting past the "explore" stage. Now, waiting for the welcome email.
*headdeask*
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Invisible Illness Awareness Week
Post by Isabella-
There is apparently an online advocacy thing going on about "Invisible Illness Awareness." It is to raise awareness about mental health disorders and other "invisible" illnesses. I think this is pretty neat. They have a survey that people can take online so here is mine:
1. The illness I live with is:
PTSD and depression.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:
2011
3. But I had symptoms since:
Depression: At least since a friend in high school started talking about killing herself. I ended up turning her in because I was worried. The loss of that relationship afterward caused me to kind of start spiraling downward. But the depression would come and go. PTSD: I noticed early January of 2010.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:
Dealing with the nightmares and panic attacks. Also, having to sensor myself with what I watch/read/listen to when I never had to do so before.
5. Most people assume:
That the nightmares should be easier to deal with than how I handle them.
6. The hardest part about mornings are:
Remembering the nightmares and trying to ground myself. It can take anywhere from 20 minutes to several hours for me to feel safe enough to get out of bed.
7. My favourite medical TV show is:
I don't have one.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
Phone.
9. The hardest part about nights are:
Falling asleep and the nightmares. I wake up anywhere from 2 to 10 times a night from nightmares. Then I start the process of grounding myself so I can be calm enough to go back to bed.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins.
No pills or vitamins. I take Tylenol PM or benedryl whenever I have a really hard time going to bed.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I:
I don’t think I use any? I guess "grounding" could count?
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
I don't know. I know the arguments for invisible: you're able to tell someone about it or choose to hide it, people don't have to know what you're going through...etc. I kind of prefer visible because I wouldn't have to explain or deal with people who don't really understand (or want to understand).
13. Regarding working and career:
I worked for two weeks this summer before I had issues with panic attacks brought on by triggers at work. I have been home for the summer preparing to go back to school this fall.
14. People would be surprised to know:
How rough it can get for me. I just don't think anyone understands or wants to understand.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
The fact that my sense of safety is gone. I will never feel content or safe anywhere. I will always be on my guard. I will always put my keys in between my fingers when I'm walking alone. I will never sit with my back to the door and feel safe. I will always make plans in my head for escape routes when I walk in a new building just in case.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Be comfortable around boys again.
17. The commercials about my illness:
The ones for depression are pretty obvious. There are online ones for PTSD, but they're all about military men and women which is a little frustrating. They aren't the only ones who deal with this issue.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
Well, since this whole thing started: sleeping through the night.
19. It was really hard to have to give up:
The typical giving up a good night of sleep...etc. But something that was difficult to pick up was "grounding." It just seemed really silly and that made it hard to do.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
Going over my nightmares during the daylight hours and trying to analyze them. It's helped me realize what my mind is trying to tell me while I'm asleep, but it's difficult.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
I don’t remember what normal is, but I would probably hang out with friends, watch all the things that I avoid and then go to bed really early so I could sleep well for a while.
22. My illness has taught me:
People are horrible, sick, twisted individuals who do the absolute worst things to each other. People can do crap like that and get away with it. I can fake a good day. I can let myself wallow on a really bad day.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:
"I'm sorry." "Tell me where he lives. I'm going to kick his a**." "You'll be okay." Or if they just give me a pitying look.
24. But I love it when people:
Treat me normally.
Are just there for me.
Cuddle. (Physical contact helps my dissociation more than anything else.)
25. My favourite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
A quote from Firefly:
-“Well, we’re still flying.”
-“That’s not much.”
-“It’s enough.”
I also like this quote from “Concrete Angel”: “Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone.”
**These were not mine originally, but reading them from another person with depression and PTSD was really uplifting. I love it.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
It's really hard, but I'm here for you. I understand what you're going through and whatever you need from me, you got it.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
How strong certain things can hit. Like a post I made a while back about my mom and I.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:
Sat up with me on the phone when I just woke up from a nightmare.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
I had no idea what that is. I just saw this under the PTSD tag on Tumblr. Then I did some research and fell in love with this idea. So many people don't understand how big of an issue this actually is, don't understand how much people suffer every single day.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:
Surprised, cared for, happy.
I know that's a lot of stuff, but it felt really good to get all of it out. I also really hope that IIA Week can go well and people can become more informed about mental health and mental health issues along with other "invisible" illnesses.
"If you are in pain, you are not alone."
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
What does your name mean?
Post by Amelia--
So, Isabella, I don't know if you saw my status or not, but it says to go to urbandictionary.com and find the meaning of your name. I saw this on another friend's status, so I decided to do it. I posted the comment from a different name, but here is the first definition for Amelia:
A crazy, awesome, loud, lovable girl. Impossible not to be smiling when around her. She lights up the entire room when she comes in. The bestest friend you will ever have.
I thought this would be appropriate :)
You should do it too!
So, Isabella, I don't know if you saw my status or not, but it says to go to urbandictionary.com and find the meaning of your name. I saw this on another friend's status, so I decided to do it. I posted the comment from a different name, but here is the first definition for Amelia:
A crazy, awesome, loud, lovable girl. Impossible not to be smiling when around her. She lights up the entire room when she comes in. The bestest friend you will ever have.
I thought this would be appropriate :)
You should do it too!
Post by Amelia--
So, I mentioned in a previous post that I am looking for a job. I can't remember if the last post was for an extra summer job, or a job to start in the fall at the time I wrote it. But my postion now, obviously, is to find a job for the fall and spring semesters. Trouble is, my schedule, like always is crazy. Not just with classes, but also with theatre, and SDS, and theatre. I decided to just drop on of my theatre classes (it's an elective and I can always try to take it another semester). That would free up a little more of my mornings. But still doesn't really do much for me. Other than dropping my hours down to 15. I really only put in two applications, one for the mail room/drop zone, and one for the NSU bookstore. I went back to talk to those places today. Mail room guy said he couldn't really do much for me, but that if I was still looking for something, he would find some way to plug me in. The bookstore hiring guy was not there, but the guy I talked to said they were still going over applications, and to just leave my name and he would give it to the hiring guy. Hopefully that will pay off somehow.
So, I mentioned in a previous post that I am looking for a job. I can't remember if the last post was for an extra summer job, or a job to start in the fall at the time I wrote it. But my postion now, obviously, is to find a job for the fall and spring semesters. Trouble is, my schedule, like always is crazy. Not just with classes, but also with theatre, and SDS, and theatre. I decided to just drop on of my theatre classes (it's an elective and I can always try to take it another semester). That would free up a little more of my mornings. But still doesn't really do much for me. Other than dropping my hours down to 15. I really only put in two applications, one for the mail room/drop zone, and one for the NSU bookstore. I went back to talk to those places today. Mail room guy said he couldn't really do much for me, but that if I was still looking for something, he would find some way to plug me in. The bookstore hiring guy was not there, but the guy I talked to said they were still going over applications, and to just leave my name and he would give it to the hiring guy. Hopefully that will pay off somehow.
Monday, July 25, 2011
I'll See Her There
Post by Isabella-
This weekend was fun and kinda different for me. I don't spend a lot of my time going to Wizard Rock concerts that are out of my way. We drove to Oklahoma City on Saturday, checked into a hotel then had about an hour to waste until the concert.
We grabbed some food on the way to the show. If I remember correctly, this was the line up: Jason Munday, Mike Lombardo, Luke Conard (Kristina was sick so no ALL CAPS, but Luke was still good) and Alex Carpenter. Jason's set was good. Mike sang with him for a song which was amazing. Alex and Mike had a lightsaber battle during one of Jason's songs. This was the first time I had seen Mike Lombardo live and I have to say that it was awesome. I also loved his tree tattoo which I didn't notice until after the show when Lucy or someone asked him about it. Luke played a mixture of ALL CAPS and his music. During "Summer of '09" (which he obviously didn't intend to do, but the crowd--cheered on by Alex--peer pressured him into doing it), Luke mostly had the audience sing on Kristina's parts. I really don't know what else to say about Luke's set. He's always good. Alex wrapped up the show. I noticed he's really good with the audience which I think is great. I wish he would have just accepted the "wooooo"s and hand waving without question. But he got a lot of grown people howling instead which is always good for a laugh, I guess. After the concert people got hugs and photos (of course I took the photos and stood awkwardly to the side, like always) and bought merch. I ended up picking up the ALL CAPS CD "Lowercase." It has a lot of songs I've already heard on it, but I'm glad I bought it. I already have one of their other CDs. Oh, and Alex gave my little group a "mission" for the show on Sunday.
After the concert, we went to bricktown and bought tickets for a showing of the HP movie. We had some time before the show so we walked around and stopped at Sonic. Then the movie. I cried. Of course. But there was this family with a lot of children in the theater so that kind of took away from the emotional aspect--you know since they were yelling at each other in Spanish and running around. Then we went back to the hotel and went to bed.
Sunday--
We ate breakfast at the hotel and relaxed until check out time. Then we had lunch at Chili's before going to see X-Men First Class. Okay, the dork in me really (x10) wants to nerd out about this movie since it was the first time I've seen it, but I'll just say that it was good, but it doesn't stand up to the other movies and comics as far as story lines go. Okay. Back to the other stuff. We went to the mall. I found a Ravenclaw-esk blouse and a Hunger Games shirt. Then we had dinner before heading to the other show.
Tonks and the Aurors played first. It was a good show. I've seen Steph three times so far so obviously I like her music. Of course, she broke a string on her guitar. She was sweet and I loved her merch. I wish I could have bought some, but I got distracted by other merch. After Steph was Justin Finch-Fletchly and the Sugar Quills. I liked his show. I hadn't really heard a lot of his music before, but I really liked it. Of course, he broke a string on his guitar. I signed up for his e-mail list and bought a button. I liked his stuff (and he was kinda cute...don't judge me), but I think I'll wait to buy any of his music. Then, ah, was Lauren Fairweather. Now, I've only heard of one of her songs before this show. But she had Lucy crying...twice. And I absolutely loved her stuff. I ended up buying Devil's Snare. I was considering buying a copy of her Snape/Lily album even though Lucy already has it. I decided that Devil's Snare was a better option since I wanted "Post-Potter Depression," "I'm Going to Hogwarts," and "Nerdfighterlike." Of course, Lauren did not break any strings on her guitar. Then came the mission: Matt Maggiacomo. After last night's show, Alex had given my group the mission to do the "woooooo" *hand motions* every time someone claps and shouts for Matt. So that's what we did. You could tell he was super freaked out for the first part of his set, but after a while he just kind of accepted it. Which meant that he didn't ever ask what it was about. So, after the show we shoved Lucy at Matt to explain what it was about. Of course, Matt broke a string on his guitar. (They should really rename their show the "Broken Strings Tour.") After the show, we bought merch and got hugs and high fives. And by we "...got hugs and high fives" I mean they got hugs and high fives while I took the pics and stood to the side awkwardly. But I did have a good talk with Lauren for a while.
Then we drove back to Tulsa. I got home and pretty much crashed. It was a good, but kind of long weekend. I'm not usually the "follow bands around and go to several shows in a few days" kind of person. I was kinda forced to go to these shows, but I don't regret it. I love these musicians and it was great. I just don't like the idea of going way out of my way for shows. Of course, wrockstock was different. I don't know. A few kids who were at the show last night had gone to all of the JFF (and Co.) shows that were in the state or from the past month. Or something. I don't remember. I just think that's borderline obsessive and kinda creepy. I like all these bands, don't get me wrong. I just don't have any kind of obsession towards them or their music. Ehh. *shrugs shoulder* It was a good weekend for the most part. It got me more music and merch which I always like.
Note: The title comes from the song "I'll See Her There" by Jason Munday ft. Mike Lombardo. That song was so good live this weekend. I hadn't been exposed to a lot of Mike Lombardo's music before, but I have to say that his voice is so pretty.
This weekend was fun and kinda different for me. I don't spend a lot of my time going to Wizard Rock concerts that are out of my way. We drove to Oklahoma City on Saturday, checked into a hotel then had about an hour to waste until the concert.
We grabbed some food on the way to the show. If I remember correctly, this was the line up: Jason Munday, Mike Lombardo, Luke Conard (Kristina was sick so no ALL CAPS, but Luke was still good) and Alex Carpenter. Jason's set was good. Mike sang with him for a song which was amazing. Alex and Mike had a lightsaber battle during one of Jason's songs. This was the first time I had seen Mike Lombardo live and I have to say that it was awesome. I also loved his tree tattoo which I didn't notice until after the show when Lucy or someone asked him about it. Luke played a mixture of ALL CAPS and his music. During "Summer of '09" (which he obviously didn't intend to do, but the crowd--cheered on by Alex--peer pressured him into doing it), Luke mostly had the audience sing on Kristina's parts. I really don't know what else to say about Luke's set. He's always good. Alex wrapped up the show. I noticed he's really good with the audience which I think is great. I wish he would have just accepted the "wooooo"s and hand waving without question. But he got a lot of grown people howling instead which is always good for a laugh, I guess. After the concert people got hugs and photos (of course I took the photos and stood awkwardly to the side, like always) and bought merch. I ended up picking up the ALL CAPS CD "Lowercase." It has a lot of songs I've already heard on it, but I'm glad I bought it. I already have one of their other CDs. Oh, and Alex gave my little group a "mission" for the show on Sunday.
After the concert, we went to bricktown and bought tickets for a showing of the HP movie. We had some time before the show so we walked around and stopped at Sonic. Then the movie. I cried. Of course. But there was this family with a lot of children in the theater so that kind of took away from the emotional aspect--you know since they were yelling at each other in Spanish and running around. Then we went back to the hotel and went to bed.
Sunday--
We ate breakfast at the hotel and relaxed until check out time. Then we had lunch at Chili's before going to see X-Men First Class. Okay, the dork in me really (x10) wants to nerd out about this movie since it was the first time I've seen it, but I'll just say that it was good, but it doesn't stand up to the other movies and comics as far as story lines go. Okay. Back to the other stuff. We went to the mall. I found a Ravenclaw-esk blouse and a Hunger Games shirt. Then we had dinner before heading to the other show.
Tonks and the Aurors played first. It was a good show. I've seen Steph three times so far so obviously I like her music. Of course, she broke a string on her guitar. She was sweet and I loved her merch. I wish I could have bought some, but I got distracted by other merch. After Steph was Justin Finch-Fletchly and the Sugar Quills. I liked his show. I hadn't really heard a lot of his music before, but I really liked it. Of course, he broke a string on his guitar. I signed up for his e-mail list and bought a button. I liked his stuff (and he was kinda cute...don't judge me), but I think I'll wait to buy any of his music. Then, ah, was Lauren Fairweather. Now, I've only heard of one of her songs before this show. But she had Lucy crying...twice. And I absolutely loved her stuff. I ended up buying Devil's Snare. I was considering buying a copy of her Snape/Lily album even though Lucy already has it. I decided that Devil's Snare was a better option since I wanted "Post-Potter Depression," "I'm Going to Hogwarts," and "Nerdfighterlike." Of course, Lauren did not break any strings on her guitar. Then came the mission: Matt Maggiacomo. After last night's show, Alex had given my group the mission to do the "woooooo" *hand motions* every time someone claps and shouts for Matt. So that's what we did. You could tell he was super freaked out for the first part of his set, but after a while he just kind of accepted it. Which meant that he didn't ever ask what it was about. So, after the show we shoved Lucy at Matt to explain what it was about. Of course, Matt broke a string on his guitar. (They should really rename their show the "Broken Strings Tour.") After the show, we bought merch and got hugs and high fives. And by we "...got hugs and high fives" I mean they got hugs and high fives while I took the pics and stood to the side awkwardly. But I did have a good talk with Lauren for a while.
Then we drove back to Tulsa. I got home and pretty much crashed. It was a good, but kind of long weekend. I'm not usually the "follow bands around and go to several shows in a few days" kind of person. I was kinda forced to go to these shows, but I don't regret it. I love these musicians and it was great. I just don't like the idea of going way out of my way for shows. Of course, wrockstock was different. I don't know. A few kids who were at the show last night had gone to all of the JFF (and Co.) shows that were in the state or from the past month. Or something. I don't remember. I just think that's borderline obsessive and kinda creepy. I like all these bands, don't get me wrong. I just don't have any kind of obsession towards them or their music. Ehh. *shrugs shoulder* It was a good weekend for the most part. It got me more music and merch which I always like.
Note: The title comes from the song "I'll See Her There" by Jason Munday ft. Mike Lombardo. That song was so good live this weekend. I hadn't been exposed to a lot of Mike Lombardo's music before, but I have to say that his voice is so pretty.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Like a Yo-Yo I'm Up and Down and Up and Down
Post by Isabella-
I'm not the type of person who would run away from things that bother me. Usually, I confront them head on. Sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes, for the worst. But that feeling's been creeping up my legs for the past day or so now.
When things get really rough for me mentally, I tend to want to confront or run. Fight or flight. Most of the time I fight. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I'm sucked under the pain and anguish. The nightmares and the flashbacks. There have been very few times I wanted to run. Far. The time I wanted to switch schools in the middle of junior year of college, but didn't. The time I had packed my duffle bag the summer between high school and college, but didn't go anywhere. Now.
Things have been going well. I finished three books in three days. I have been preparing to go back to school. I've been having fewer nightmares per night. Then today happened. I was taking a break from reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins to eat lunch at my computer while I check my e-mail. Then I hear the movie my mom is watching in the same room. A guy is yelling at his fiancee for spend a few hundred dollars of their wedding money on helping crippled children who were sitting on the street corner. He was wanting a necklace he gave her back so that he could use it for the couple of hundred dollars she spent. She refused to give it back. Then the screaming started. She was backing out of the room while he advanced on her. All that I could see was yelling and screaming and advancing and backing up. I freaked. I screamed at my mom to change the channel. She wouldn't. She didn't know why I was so upset and kept trying to talk to me while the people on the screen were yelling and advancing and pulling their hand back and cowering... I ran out of the room.
I eventually went back to the front room and yelled at my mom. I shouted about "yeah, I don't know what about that scene could possibly have upset me." She eventually said "I'm sorry. I didn't know." I explained that she should have just respected what I was, well, shouting, at her about changing the channel. She talked about how she's not a mind reader and didn't understand what was going on and how she was sorry she upset me. She said something about how she forgot. To which I replied, "because you don't live with it every day."
This is the worst--I don't even know what to call it--I've had in a long time. Episode? Flashback? Trigger? I don't know. I'm kind of freaked out about that. I'm afraid to go to bed now. I don't want to have nightmares. I'm sure I will have bad ones tonight.
I don't know much these days. This is a pretty depressing post. I'll do better next time. Promise. *holds out pinky for a pinky promise*
I'm not the type of person who would run away from things that bother me. Usually, I confront them head on. Sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes, for the worst. But that feeling's been creeping up my legs for the past day or so now.
When things get really rough for me mentally, I tend to want to confront or run. Fight or flight. Most of the time I fight. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I'm sucked under the pain and anguish. The nightmares and the flashbacks. There have been very few times I wanted to run. Far. The time I wanted to switch schools in the middle of junior year of college, but didn't. The time I had packed my duffle bag the summer between high school and college, but didn't go anywhere. Now.
Things have been going well. I finished three books in three days. I have been preparing to go back to school. I've been having fewer nightmares per night. Then today happened. I was taking a break from reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins to eat lunch at my computer while I check my e-mail. Then I hear the movie my mom is watching in the same room. A guy is yelling at his fiancee for spend a few hundred dollars of their wedding money on helping crippled children who were sitting on the street corner. He was wanting a necklace he gave her back so that he could use it for the couple of hundred dollars she spent. She refused to give it back. Then the screaming started. She was backing out of the room while he advanced on her. All that I could see was yelling and screaming and advancing and backing up. I freaked. I screamed at my mom to change the channel. She wouldn't. She didn't know why I was so upset and kept trying to talk to me while the people on the screen were yelling and advancing and pulling their hand back and cowering... I ran out of the room.
I eventually went back to the front room and yelled at my mom. I shouted about "yeah, I don't know what about that scene could possibly have upset me." She eventually said "I'm sorry. I didn't know." I explained that she should have just respected what I was, well, shouting, at her about changing the channel. She talked about how she's not a mind reader and didn't understand what was going on and how she was sorry she upset me. She said something about how she forgot. To which I replied, "because you don't live with it every day."
This is the worst--I don't even know what to call it--I've had in a long time. Episode? Flashback? Trigger? I don't know. I'm kind of freaked out about that. I'm afraid to go to bed now. I don't want to have nightmares. I'm sure I will have bad ones tonight.
I don't know much these days. This is a pretty depressing post. I'll do better next time. Promise. *holds out pinky for a pinky promise*
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Post by Amelia--
I'm really burnt out right now. I'm behind on my readings for my lit class. We are on the final book right now, The Shining, but I still havent finished reading Dracula yet. So I have been a bunch of reading to try to keep up. I also have to start on my essay. It has already been extended twice. I plan on working on it tonight. Probably start before I go into work, or just work on it during my breaks. Which I don't get much of. We will see how it goes. I may have to watch a movie tonight after I get off work.
I just feel really tired (and hungry). I don't feel like I have a lot of energy. I need a break, but I don't feel like I can give myself one.
I think I'm slipping back into my depression.
I'm really burnt out right now. I'm behind on my readings for my lit class. We are on the final book right now, The Shining, but I still havent finished reading Dracula yet. So I have been a bunch of reading to try to keep up. I also have to start on my essay. It has already been extended twice. I plan on working on it tonight. Probably start before I go into work, or just work on it during my breaks. Which I don't get much of. We will see how it goes. I may have to watch a movie tonight after I get off work.
I just feel really tired (and hungry). I don't feel like I have a lot of energy. I need a break, but I don't feel like I can give myself one.
I think I'm slipping back into my depression.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Ramble
Post by Isabella-
Hello, all.
It seems like things have quieted down on the internet over the past few days. Is everyone okay? Or should I just assume that this is all part of a diversion method until you all come out of the woodwork to kill us?
Well, I have just received a brand new, shiny capstone advisor! *imitates yelling crowd* Whoo hoo. Yea! What? Okay, so it's not that exciting. But it has made me all nervous. I don't know what I'm doing anymore! Side note, I'm on the fourth book out of 20 for my fall literature classes and I'm FREAKING OUT that I won't finish them all before classes start IN LESS THAN A MONTH. Oh, Godric. I'm gonna die.
Okay, time to get back to the book. Byee! *waves while walking away slowly*
*runs back* Oh, and boys are creepy. Bye!
*runs away*
Hello, all.
It seems like things have quieted down on the internet over the past few days. Is everyone okay? Or should I just assume that this is all part of a diversion method until you all come out of the woodwork to kill us?
Well, I have just received a brand new, shiny capstone advisor! *imitates yelling crowd* Whoo hoo. Yea! What? Okay, so it's not that exciting. But it has made me all nervous. I don't know what I'm doing anymore! Side note, I'm on the fourth book out of 20 for my fall literature classes and I'm FREAKING OUT that I won't finish them all before classes start IN LESS THAN A MONTH. Oh, Godric. I'm gonna die.
Okay, time to get back to the book. Byee! *waves while walking away slowly*
*runs back* Oh, and boys are creepy. Bye!
*runs away*
Monday, July 18, 2011
Where do we go from here?
Post by Amelia--
My roommate, suitemate, and I didn't leave the theater until after the final credits were over. As we were heading back to the suites, I was at a loss for words. I kept thinking, "What do I do now?" I'm sure a lot of people felt that way too. It took me a couple days before I felt like reading something other than Harry Potter. It is just really hard to think that the books and movies of the Harry Potter series are now over. Life will never be the same.
My roommate, suitemate, and I didn't leave the theater until after the final credits were over. As we were heading back to the suites, I was at a loss for words. I kept thinking, "What do I do now?" I'm sure a lot of people felt that way too. It took me a couple days before I felt like reading something other than Harry Potter. It is just really hard to think that the books and movies of the Harry Potter series are now over. Life will never be the same.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Rest in Peace
In memory of:
James "Prongs" Potter
Lily Evans Potter
Frank Bryce
Cedric Diggory
Sirius "Padfoot" Black
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Hedwig
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
Charity Burbage
Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew
Dobby
Fred Weasley
Remus John "Moony" Lupin
Nymphadora Tonks Lupin
Ted Tonks
Colin Creevey
Severus Snape
Lavender Brown
Vincent Crabbe
Marvolo Gaunt
The Riddle Family
Regulus Arcturus Black
Bertha Jorkins
Barty Crouch Sr.
Broderick Bode
Hepzibah Smith
Amelia Bones
Emmeline Vance
Florean Fortescue
Mrs. Abbott
Igor Karkaroff
Rufus Scrimgeour
Gregorovitch
Grindelwald
Bathilda Bagshot
Dirk Cresswell
Gornuk
And to all the muggles, witches, wizards, and magical creatures who were not mentioned by name and died by the hand of Voldemort and his followers.
James "Prongs" Potter
Lily Evans Potter
Frank Bryce
Cedric Diggory
Sirius "Padfoot" Black
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Hedwig
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
Charity Burbage
Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew
Dobby
Fred Weasley
Remus John "Moony" Lupin
Nymphadora Tonks Lupin
Ted Tonks
Colin Creevey
Severus Snape
Lavender Brown
Vincent Crabbe
Marvolo Gaunt
The Riddle Family
Regulus Arcturus Black
Bertha Jorkins
Barty Crouch Sr.
Broderick Bode
Hepzibah Smith
Amelia Bones
Emmeline Vance
Florean Fortescue
Mrs. Abbott
Igor Karkaroff
Rufus Scrimgeour
Gregorovitch
Grindelwald
Bathilda Bagshot
Dirk Cresswell
Gornuk
And to all the muggles, witches, wizards, and magical creatures who were not mentioned by name and died by the hand of Voldemort and his followers.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
NaNoWriMo and More
Post by a slightly overly hyper Isabella-
I'm sure everyone around me knows by now what NaNoWriMo is so I won't go into details trying to explain it. But I have come up with a new story idea for this year...kind of. It's an old concept kind of revamped and it's also something that is kind of (read greatly) influenced by my personal history. Not too sure how I feel about that.
Anyway, here is the plot synopsis I've come up with: A college student in Middle of Nowhere, USA begins struggling in classes, friendships, and life when her world comes crashing down around her.
I know it's not the most imaginative thing out there but the writing bug just kind of hit me earlier. Plus, it's NaNoWriMo, it's not supposed to be perfect. I've also created a calendar, but I don't have Photoshop on any of the school computers so I can't make it right now, but here are a few highlights from the calendar: November 3, Fingers hurting? Be sure to stretch them inbetween silly character banter.; November 6, Your inner critic may be nagging. Kill him.; November 11, Challenge: Include the word "salty."; November 19, Dear diary, all sense of plot is gone and Neville Longbottom made a cameo.; November 25, Everybody loves a penguin or twelve, why don't you add some to your novel?; November 29, Pull out everything you got for the last two days. Throw in a plot twist if you need it. Etcetera. It's a cute calendar...If I could ever get to Photoshop to make it.
On another note: I've read well over 1,000 pages in the past week. I finished three books. Two from roughly the middle and one from beginning to end. I also started reading another, but I was so depressed/sleepy from the midnight showing of HP that I have spent the past two days watching Gilmore Girls and sleeping. Actually, I've also been preparing stuff for my graduate school applications and my capstone project. So, I've been productive, just not as productive as I have wanted to be.
Okay, done ranting. My roommate is off work for dinner and wants to hang out so I am going to leave this right here.
Also, I have no idea what's going on with the background, font and font color. So, don't ask me. Evil technology...
I'm sure everyone around me knows by now what NaNoWriMo is so I won't go into details trying to explain it. But I have come up with a new story idea for this year...kind of. It's an old concept kind of revamped and it's also something that is kind of (read greatly) influenced by my personal history. Not too sure how I feel about that.
Anyway, here is the plot synopsis I've come up with: A college student in Middle of Nowhere, USA begins struggling in classes, friendships, and life when her world comes crashing down around her.
I know it's not the most imaginative thing out there but the writing bug just kind of hit me earlier. Plus, it's NaNoWriMo, it's not supposed to be perfect. I've also created a calendar, but I don't have Photoshop on any of the school computers so I can't make it right now, but here are a few highlights from the calendar: November 3, Fingers hurting? Be sure to stretch them inbetween silly character banter.; November 6, Your inner critic may be nagging. Kill him.; November 11, Challenge: Include the word "salty."; November 19, Dear diary, all sense of plot is gone and Neville Longbottom made a cameo.; November 25, Everybody loves a penguin or twelve, why don't you add some to your novel?; November 29, Pull out everything you got for the last two days. Throw in a plot twist if you need it. Etcetera. It's a cute calendar...If I could ever get to Photoshop to make it.
On another note: I've read well over 1,000 pages in the past week. I finished three books. Two from roughly the middle and one from beginning to end. I also started reading another, but I was so depressed/sleepy from the midnight showing of HP that I have spent the past two days watching Gilmore Girls and sleeping. Actually, I've also been preparing stuff for my graduate school applications and my capstone project. So, I've been productive, just not as productive as I have wanted to be.
Okay, done ranting. My roommate is off work for dinner and wants to hang out so I am going to leave this right here.
Also, I have no idea what's going on with the background, font and font color. So, don't ask me. Evil technology...
Thursday, July 14, 2011
End of an Era by Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls
Don't you ever wonder what will happen when it ends?
How can we let go of the ones who we call friends?
And I know it's only a story, but for so many it's more than that.
It's a world all on its own where we want to put on that sorting hat.
I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
Though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
Could there ever be, again, another one like this?
One that's brought us together and started its own music movement.
So, I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So we will see it closed.
The final chapter exposed.
It's an end of an era and I see it clearer,
That nothing will ever be the same.
And I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So, don't you ever wonder what will happen when it ends?
How can we let go of the ones who we call friends?
And I know it's only a story, but for so many it's more than that.
It's a world all on its own where we want to put on that sorting hat.
I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
Though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
Could there ever be, again, another one like this?
One that's brought us together and started its own music movement.
So, I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So we will see it closed.
The final chapter exposed.
It's an end of an era and I see it clearer,
That nothing will ever be the same.
And I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So, don't you ever wonder what will happen when it ends?
My body will lie in the theater forever
Post by Isabella-
I should probably start this off by saying that I'm sorry it has taken us so long to update the blog. Things got busy when it started getting close to today's date. As many of you know, today is the day Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 comes out. The roommate and I have been freaking out about that since July started--actually it was probably before then. So, again I apologize for our absence.
The plan for today is that I'll be getting to the theater around five this afternoon. I'm sure people are going to get there way before me, but I'm also kind of nervous that I'll be the first one there. That would be so awkward for me. Then one of the roommate's summer roommates is going to get there in between 6 and 8 or so. The roommate won't actually get there until after she gets off work at 10. Then there's the usual line games. Movie at 12.
I'm not prepared. I am so not prepared. It feels like this, the end, has been sneaking up on me from day one. I also sort of feel like a doofus for being so emotional. I've loved this series for so long and everything is coming to an end. It feels less like the end of something and more like the death of a really close friend. I know that the series doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to others. For some people it's just a book series, just a movie franchise. They don't understand the connection that I, and about a milion other people, have made with the series. They may feel that I'm pathetic or weak or stupid or sad or other ridiculous things, but I feel sorry for them. They don't understand the joy of truly geeking out about something. Of being a nerd and absolutely LOVING something. That it what seems truly sad to me.
I know that it's not truly the end, but this feels like the end of something big.
Rupert Grint: "After being in Harry Potter, I believe a bit more in magic than I did before."
Daniel Radcliffe: "Harry Potter is rather like the mafia, I guess. Once you're in, you never get out."
Emma Watson: "It's got be 'magical,' hasn't it?"
I should probably start this off by saying that I'm sorry it has taken us so long to update the blog. Things got busy when it started getting close to today's date. As many of you know, today is the day Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 comes out. The roommate and I have been freaking out about that since July started--actually it was probably before then. So, again I apologize for our absence.
The plan for today is that I'll be getting to the theater around five this afternoon. I'm sure people are going to get there way before me, but I'm also kind of nervous that I'll be the first one there. That would be so awkward for me. Then one of the roommate's summer roommates is going to get there in between 6 and 8 or so. The roommate won't actually get there until after she gets off work at 10. Then there's the usual line games. Movie at 12.
I'm not prepared. I am so not prepared. It feels like this, the end, has been sneaking up on me from day one. I also sort of feel like a doofus for being so emotional. I've loved this series for so long and everything is coming to an end. It feels less like the end of something and more like the death of a really close friend. I know that the series doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to others. For some people it's just a book series, just a movie franchise. They don't understand the connection that I, and about a milion other people, have made with the series. They may feel that I'm pathetic or weak or stupid or sad or other ridiculous things, but I feel sorry for them. They don't understand the joy of truly geeking out about something. Of being a nerd and absolutely LOVING something. That it what seems truly sad to me.
I know that it's not truly the end, but this feels like the end of something big.
Rupert Grint: "After being in Harry Potter, I believe a bit more in magic than I did before."
Daniel Radcliffe: "Harry Potter is rather like the mafia, I guess. Once you're in, you never get out."
Emma Watson: "It's got be 'magical,' hasn't it?"
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Just a Quick Note
I understand that PTSD, and any mental health problem really, cannot be overcome without help. I really do, but I wish that people would stop telling me that I have to go to therapy when I get back to school in August. I love you guys and I appreciate that you want me to get better. But really? Telling me to go to therapy doesn't help. Especially with the experience I had with therapy before. The therapist blamed everything on my break up with my ex-fiance. She didn't want to discuss anything else. Discussing how we broke up and how I felt afterward over and over and over and over didn't help anything. All it did was make me worse. So, why should I expect therapy to be any different this time?
I love you guys and I want to be better and I know you want me to be better.
I love you guys and I want to be better and I know you want me to be better.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Harry Potter
I don't know how I could ever love anything more than I love everything surrounding Harry Potter.
For some people, Harry Potter is just a book series, a movie franchise, but, for some people, this series is everything.
For some people, they're never going home, not really. Because this world, this beautiful world by J. K. Rowling, will always be their home.
Maybe this world has had its ups and downs. But the world of Harry Potter has taught me more about life than anything else.
For some people, Harry Potter is just a book series, a movie franchise, but, for some people, this series is everything.
For some people, they're never going home, not really. Because this world, this beautiful world by J. K. Rowling, will always be their home.
Maybe this world has had its ups and downs. But the world of Harry Potter has taught me more about life than anything else.
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Third Task
First think of the person who lives in disguise,
Who deals in secrets and tells naught by lies.
Next, tell me what's always the last thing to mend,
The middle of middle and end of end?
And finally give me the sound often heard
During the search for a hard-to-find word.
Now string them together, and answer me this,
Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
Who deals in secrets and tells naught by lies.
Next, tell me what's always the last thing to mend,
The middle of middle and end of end?
And finally give me the sound often heard
During the search for a hard-to-find word.
Now string them together, and answer me this,
Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Stare down with a fish
Post by Amelia--
I am currently having a staring contest with my suitemate's fish.
Isabella, I don't think that your food issues, your penguin dance, ect, is not messed up. They are just stuff you do.
I know that you have been through a lot. Everything you mentioned relating to that, I would be surprised if you weren't scared. I hope that this doesn't make you mad, but at some point you are going to need to deal with your issues. Only then, plus time, will help you not be afraid anymore. I would like to see you go back to counseling. I would like to see myself go back to counseling. I know that it might be awkward going back to school counseling, but I believe that talking to someone might help, especially someone trained. I'm not saying that it will fix everything, I just think that it will help to get you fixed.
When you think about yourself, think about how awesome you are. You are a great friend. You listen to my rants, even if they get old and don't change much. You love books and music and learning and dinosaurs. You usually know what to say to make other people laugh, even if you don't know you know, you know? You like writing stuff and love all your animals, as well as all my animals (Lambchop says "hi" btw). You are a ravenclaw.
Do you remeber in the first HP book, where Malfoy had been teasing Neville, and Ron gave him a chocolate frog and said, "You are worth twelve of him" (or was it Harry that said that)? I don't know if that will help anything, but it came to mind.
I beat your face.
I am currently having a staring contest with my suitemate's fish.
Isabella, I don't think that your food issues, your penguin dance, ect, is not messed up. They are just stuff you do.
I know that you have been through a lot. Everything you mentioned relating to that, I would be surprised if you weren't scared. I hope that this doesn't make you mad, but at some point you are going to need to deal with your issues. Only then, plus time, will help you not be afraid anymore. I would like to see you go back to counseling. I would like to see myself go back to counseling. I know that it might be awkward going back to school counseling, but I believe that talking to someone might help, especially someone trained. I'm not saying that it will fix everything, I just think that it will help to get you fixed.
When you think about yourself, think about how awesome you are. You are a great friend. You listen to my rants, even if they get old and don't change much. You love books and music and learning and dinosaurs. You usually know what to say to make other people laugh, even if you don't know you know, you know? You like writing stuff and love all your animals, as well as all my animals (Lambchop says "hi" btw). You are a ravenclaw.
Do you remeber in the first HP book, where Malfoy had been teasing Neville, and Ron gave him a chocolate frog and said, "You are worth twelve of him" (or was it Harry that said that)? I don't know if that will help anything, but it came to mind.
I beat your face.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
Post by Isabella-
It is amazing how you can sit down for two seconds and realize just how messed up you truly are.
I sat down for a few minutes today and just thought about who I am and it's amazing how many things are wrong with me.
First, you have the funny stuff: my food issues, walking like a penguin when I get excited, the funny voices I make.
And then you have the messed up stuff: I have PTSD, I have trust issues, I get twitchy when I'm alone with someone when we're not in a public place, I am paranoid, I have a problem with people touching me unexpectedly--like if I don't see you coming up and you tap me on the shoulders. I am so not normal.
When I walk alone at night, I put my cell phone in one hand and my keys in between the fingers of my other. When I meet someone I don't know for the first time, I keep a close eye on them until I decide that I have nothing to worry about. I don't like having my back to a door, ever. I don't like people walking behind me. I don't like being in large groups. It's like I'm always prepared for an attack. It's like I always expect something to happen to me. I'm always on my guard.
How do I stop being on my guard??? How do I shut that down? How do I make myself normal again? Whatever "normal" is for me anymore...
I used to boast that I had no fear. I could do whatever, whenever. It didn't matter. Now, I'm so afraid of so much. That's not normal. That's never going to be normal. It's not okay for me to be afraid of my own shadow. Not when I used to be fearless.
I guess I'll explain something I do every night when I wake up from a nightmare-
Count down from five-
5. I am laying down with my head on a pillow. 4. My foot is sticking out of the comforter. 3. The T.V. is still on. 2. The A.C. just came on. 1. I am alone. I am safe.
Then I know everything's okay. Take a deep breath and try to go back to bed.
Roommate, you have such a messed up roommate.
It is amazing how you can sit down for two seconds and realize just how messed up you truly are.
I sat down for a few minutes today and just thought about who I am and it's amazing how many things are wrong with me.
First, you have the funny stuff: my food issues, walking like a penguin when I get excited, the funny voices I make.
And then you have the messed up stuff: I have PTSD, I have trust issues, I get twitchy when I'm alone with someone when we're not in a public place, I am paranoid, I have a problem with people touching me unexpectedly--like if I don't see you coming up and you tap me on the shoulders. I am so not normal.
When I walk alone at night, I put my cell phone in one hand and my keys in between the fingers of my other. When I meet someone I don't know for the first time, I keep a close eye on them until I decide that I have nothing to worry about. I don't like having my back to a door, ever. I don't like people walking behind me. I don't like being in large groups. It's like I'm always prepared for an attack. It's like I always expect something to happen to me. I'm always on my guard.
How do I stop being on my guard??? How do I shut that down? How do I make myself normal again? Whatever "normal" is for me anymore...
I used to boast that I had no fear. I could do whatever, whenever. It didn't matter. Now, I'm so afraid of so much. That's not normal. That's never going to be normal. It's not okay for me to be afraid of my own shadow. Not when I used to be fearless.
I guess I'll explain something I do every night when I wake up from a nightmare-
Count down from five-
5. I am laying down with my head on a pillow. 4. My foot is sticking out of the comforter. 3. The T.V. is still on. 2. The A.C. just came on. 1. I am alone. I am safe.
Then I know everything's okay. Take a deep breath and try to go back to bed.
Roommate, you have such a messed up roommate.
Lumos Flies by All Caps
You would not believe your eyes
I know that it sounds unwise
she's so smart and yeah, she's just a friend
But she lit up the Yule Ball
My heart pushed against a wall
Just frozen staring here in the Great Hall
I'd like to make myself believe
That she would look back at me
It's hard to say that I'd rather leave than see her here with him
but everything is never as it seems (with hermione)
I've gotten a thousand hugs
just tonight from Victor Krum
that Durmstrang boy who gave me a chance
but something just isn't right
it's not how I viewed tonight
I wasted time waiting for Ron's invite
I'd like to make myself believe
that stupid boy would ask me
it's hard to say cause he's stubborn and a pig and fights with me
but everything is never as it seems (with ron weasley)
Oh Ronald Weasley you're the worst
please take me away from here
Maybe next time you should ask me first
please take me away from here
Victor's dumb but he treats me right
please take me away from here
now excuse me while I enjoy my night
cause I'd cast a thousand charms
she makes me feel so unarmed
I wonder if Harry's noticed yet
oh he can be such a swine
and even though she's not mine
I wont give up, these things just take time
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'll fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
but 'till it happens I'll still have my dreams (of you and me)
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'd fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
because I'm too afraid you'd disagree
I know that it sounds unwise
she's so smart and yeah, she's just a friend
But she lit up the Yule Ball
My heart pushed against a wall
Just frozen staring here in the Great Hall
I'd like to make myself believe
That she would look back at me
It's hard to say that I'd rather leave than see her here with him
but everything is never as it seems (with hermione)
I've gotten a thousand hugs
just tonight from Victor Krum
that Durmstrang boy who gave me a chance
but something just isn't right
it's not how I viewed tonight
I wasted time waiting for Ron's invite
I'd like to make myself believe
that stupid boy would ask me
it's hard to say cause he's stubborn and a pig and fights with me
but everything is never as it seems (with ron weasley)
Oh Ronald Weasley you're the worst
please take me away from here
Maybe next time you should ask me first
please take me away from here
Victor's dumb but he treats me right
please take me away from here
now excuse me while I enjoy my night
cause I'd cast a thousand charms
she makes me feel so unarmed
I wonder if Harry's noticed yet
oh he can be such a swine
and even though she's not mine
I wont give up, these things just take time
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'll fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
but 'till it happens I'll still have my dreams (of you and me)
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'd fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
because I'm too afraid you'd disagree
Friday, July 1, 2011
School Song
Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald
Or young with scabby knees,
Our heads could do with filling
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot.
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald
Or young with scabby knees,
Our heads could do with filling
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot.
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