Sunday, December 25, 2011
Happy Christmas
So, I know I've been failing at this lately and I apologize. I WILL get back into the swing of things, I promise. I just wanted to jump on here and wish everyone a very Happy Christmas. I lovez you guys! Have a great holiday and I will see you on the other side.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Hebrews 4:12
"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."
The word of God is powerful. When reading the Bible, God speaks to you (or he should at least, if you ask him to speak to you). It can bring you comfort, assurance, and it can tell you something that you may not want to hear, but need to. It penetrates deep.
I'm having trouble getting my thoughts right now, so I found a short devotion over this verse.
v.12 “‘Living and active’ shows that there is a dynamic quality about God’s revelation. It does things. Specifically it penetrates and, in this capacity, is likened to a ‘double-edged sword’ (for the sword, cf. Isa 49:2; Eph 6:17; Rev 19:15; and for the double-edged idea, cf. Rev 1:16; 2:12).
The Word of God is unique. No sword can penetrate as it can.”
“What the author is saying is that God’s Word can reach to the innermost recesses of our being. We must not think that we can bluff our way out of anything, for there are no secrets hidden from God. We cannot keep our thoughts to ourselves. There may also be the thought that the whole of man’s nature, however we divide it, physical as well as nonmaterial, is open to God. With ‘judges’ we move to legal terminology. The Word of God passes judgment on men’s feelings (enthymeseon) and on their thoughts (ennoion). Nothing evades the scope of this Word. What man holds as most secret he finds subject to its scrutiny and judgment.”
(gracepointdevotions.org)
The word of God is powerful. When reading the Bible, God speaks to you (or he should at least, if you ask him to speak to you). It can bring you comfort, assurance, and it can tell you something that you may not want to hear, but need to. It penetrates deep.
I'm having trouble getting my thoughts right now, so I found a short devotion over this verse.
v.12 “‘Living and active’ shows that there is a dynamic quality about God’s revelation. It does things. Specifically it penetrates and, in this capacity, is likened to a ‘double-edged sword’ (for the sword, cf. Isa 49:2; Eph 6:17; Rev 19:15; and for the double-edged idea, cf. Rev 1:16; 2:12).
The Word of God is unique. No sword can penetrate as it can.”
“What the author is saying is that God’s Word can reach to the innermost recesses of our being. We must not think that we can bluff our way out of anything, for there are no secrets hidden from God. We cannot keep our thoughts to ourselves. There may also be the thought that the whole of man’s nature, however we divide it, physical as well as nonmaterial, is open to God. With ‘judges’ we move to legal terminology. The Word of God passes judgment on men’s feelings (enthymeseon) and on their thoughts (ennoion). Nothing evades the scope of this Word. What man holds as most secret he finds subject to its scrutiny and judgment.”
(gracepointdevotions.org)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Hebrews
"You, Lord, laid the foundation of the earth in the beginning, and the heavens are the work of your hands; they will perish, but you remain...you are the same, and your years will have no end." 1:10-12
Everything on this earth will eventually die. The buildings and cars will corrode, people die, animals die, plants die. Mountains will crumble. The sun will eventually burn out. The only thing that will stay forever is God. He has always been here. Since he created the world, he was obviously here before the world. It is kind of hard to wrap your mind around that. We should be putting all of our trust in God, since he is eternal (okay, that is not the only reason to put your trust in him), instead of putting our trust into things that will eventually die.
"Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it...how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" 2:1, 2b
Both Isabella and myself have mentioned how we have neglected our walk with God. I think these verses goes with that. Thinking about the depression and money problems and whatnot that we have gone through. It was stupid to think that we could do it on our own. Had we listened to God during these times, things would have worked out differently. But then if we had listened to God, I doubt we would be doing these blogs. If Isabella had talked with God before now, she probably would not have cut herself. She would not be having such a hard time with her breakup. If I had listened to God, I would have had my bills paid off and would not be worrying about it. There is a lot of "what-ifs" in this paragraph. We did neglect our salvation, so we are struggling. Only by building on it now will we get out of our situations. Not saying it will be easy, or that it will happen right away, or that things will go that way that we want it to. But God will deliver us in the way we need to be.
"What is man, that you are mindful of him?"
Why does God care for us so much? We are sinful. We misuse his name. Fight with each other over something as stupid as stealing someone's pencil, or suing someone because the coffee that spilled on them was hot. There is no reason for him to take notice of us. But for some reason, he does. He loves us. He wants us to be close to him. There is something about us that is beautiful to him. He did makes us from his image. If he is beautiful, it makes sense that we are too. We just let the world get in our way. We can't see God so he doesn't really exist. If he didn't exist, how do you explain the world?
Everything on this earth will eventually die. The buildings and cars will corrode, people die, animals die, plants die. Mountains will crumble. The sun will eventually burn out. The only thing that will stay forever is God. He has always been here. Since he created the world, he was obviously here before the world. It is kind of hard to wrap your mind around that. We should be putting all of our trust in God, since he is eternal (okay, that is not the only reason to put your trust in him), instead of putting our trust into things that will eventually die.
"Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it...how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" 2:1, 2b
Both Isabella and myself have mentioned how we have neglected our walk with God. I think these verses goes with that. Thinking about the depression and money problems and whatnot that we have gone through. It was stupid to think that we could do it on our own. Had we listened to God during these times, things would have worked out differently. But then if we had listened to God, I doubt we would be doing these blogs. If Isabella had talked with God before now, she probably would not have cut herself. She would not be having such a hard time with her breakup. If I had listened to God, I would have had my bills paid off and would not be worrying about it. There is a lot of "what-ifs" in this paragraph. We did neglect our salvation, so we are struggling. Only by building on it now will we get out of our situations. Not saying it will be easy, or that it will happen right away, or that things will go that way that we want it to. But God will deliver us in the way we need to be.
"What is man, that you are mindful of him?"
Why does God care for us so much? We are sinful. We misuse his name. Fight with each other over something as stupid as stealing someone's pencil, or suing someone because the coffee that spilled on them was hot. There is no reason for him to take notice of us. But for some reason, he does. He loves us. He wants us to be close to him. There is something about us that is beautiful to him. He did makes us from his image. If he is beautiful, it makes sense that we are too. We just let the world get in our way. We can't see God so he doesn't really exist. If he didn't exist, how do you explain the world?
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The Prayer of Faith
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." James 5: 13-15
This goes along with my first blog. God already knows what you need before you ask him. It doesn't matter what you are going through, whether happy or sad. God wants us to talk to him. We shouldn't just come to him in the bad times. We should go to him in the good times.
I mentioned before that I felt guilty about praying for help when I had been neglecting him for so long. I prayed last night. At least, I think it was last night, might have been the night before. I was pretty much like, "God, you know what I'm going through, but I'm going to tell you again. I ask your help. I will try to accept it, no matter what your answer to me is. Oh, and here are some of my sins."
Here is what is going on with my money situation. I still owe money, but I talked to one of the people in the Admin building, about having my hold temporarily removed so that I could enroll for classes. She removed it, but I have until 6 Jan to pay off my bill for this semester. I am really hoping that I can do it. I can't allow myself to spend any money (which means I should probably cancel my netflix) until after this is taken cared of. I'm going to continue to pray to God about it. Really hoping it works out for me, but I need to trust God. He is in control.
This goes along with my first blog. God already knows what you need before you ask him. It doesn't matter what you are going through, whether happy or sad. God wants us to talk to him. We shouldn't just come to him in the bad times. We should go to him in the good times.
I mentioned before that I felt guilty about praying for help when I had been neglecting him for so long. I prayed last night. At least, I think it was last night, might have been the night before. I was pretty much like, "God, you know what I'm going through, but I'm going to tell you again. I ask your help. I will try to accept it, no matter what your answer to me is. Oh, and here are some of my sins."
Here is what is going on with my money situation. I still owe money, but I talked to one of the people in the Admin building, about having my hold temporarily removed so that I could enroll for classes. She removed it, but I have until 6 Jan to pay off my bill for this semester. I am really hoping that I can do it. I can't allow myself to spend any money (which means I should probably cancel my netflix) until after this is taken cared of. I'm going to continue to pray to God about it. Really hoping it works out for me, but I need to trust God. He is in control.
Friday, December 16, 2011
The Rest of James and the End of James
Well, I finished the rest of James. It's a short book so I just decided to read the rest of it. It's also fitting because I finally cut out the person in my life who was trying to corrupt my relationship with God...his name was James. So, on the day I finish the book of James, I also get rid of the person James from my life. This seems fitting to me somehow.
Chapter 3 of James is about Taming of the Tongue. This is something I have an issue with whenever I'm angry, but also it is something I've had an issue with over the past couple of days because that "friend" is a curser. Ever other word is a cuss word. I'm realizing now just how many things I need to change in my life to get back on track with God. It'll just take one step at a time I suppose.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
In her post, Amelia wrote about the first part of James 4:8 so I decided to discuss the rest of it since this verse has also spoken to my heart. I feel like I'm kind of filthy spiritually. I feel like I sin left and right and it is just stacked upon me. It feels wrong and gross. I want to be able to blame it on this person I just kicked out of my life, but it is also on me. It is also me giving in to the temptations on my heart. If I were able to go against my temptations better, I wouldn't be as filthy as I am now. But coming to God I can become clean again by washing my hands and purifying my heart. I just need to remember this whenever I feel this way again. Come to God, confess my sins, and He will take them from me.
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." James 5:19-20
This one has a lot to do with Amelia, so pay attention, dear heart. I feel like I've been moving away from God for a while now. I've been wanting to move back toward Him, but never got motivated to pray or read my Bible in those times. Well, Amelia asked about this Bible study and since then it has helped burn it into my conscience that these are things I need to do. In doing so, this has pulled me closer to God and shown me things that I need to change about my life, sins I need to get rid of in my life. I am working on it and taking it one step at a time. But if it weren't for reading James yesterday I wouldn't have realized that I needed to kick the person James out of my life forever. So, by suggesting this Bible study Amelia has really shown me the sins I need to turn against. Thank you, AMELIA. I loves you.
Chapter 3 of James is about Taming of the Tongue. This is something I have an issue with whenever I'm angry, but also it is something I've had an issue with over the past couple of days because that "friend" is a curser. Ever other word is a cuss word. I'm realizing now just how many things I need to change in my life to get back on track with God. It'll just take one step at a time I suppose.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
In her post, Amelia wrote about the first part of James 4:8 so I decided to discuss the rest of it since this verse has also spoken to my heart. I feel like I'm kind of filthy spiritually. I feel like I sin left and right and it is just stacked upon me. It feels wrong and gross. I want to be able to blame it on this person I just kicked out of my life, but it is also on me. It is also me giving in to the temptations on my heart. If I were able to go against my temptations better, I wouldn't be as filthy as I am now. But coming to God I can become clean again by washing my hands and purifying my heart. I just need to remember this whenever I feel this way again. Come to God, confess my sins, and He will take them from me.
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." James 5:19-20
This one has a lot to do with Amelia, so pay attention, dear heart. I feel like I've been moving away from God for a while now. I've been wanting to move back toward Him, but never got motivated to pray or read my Bible in those times. Well, Amelia asked about this Bible study and since then it has helped burn it into my conscience that these are things I need to do. In doing so, this has pulled me closer to God and shown me things that I need to change about my life, sins I need to get rid of in my life. I am working on it and taking it one step at a time. But if it weren't for reading James yesterday I wouldn't have realized that I needed to kick the person James out of my life forever. So, by suggesting this Bible study Amelia has really shown me the sins I need to turn against. Thank you, AMELIA. I loves you.
Draw me close to you
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:8
The only way that God can get close to you is when you let him in. Okay, technically God can get close to you anyway he wants, be he wants you to ask him. Developing a relationship with God is a two way street. It is not enough just to expect him to start guiding you. You need to ask for it. Remember, he already knows everything. There is nothing you can tell him that he doesn't already know. If you want God to get close to you, you must get close to him.
Easier said than done, right?
This bible study that Isabella and I are doing is to help fix our relationships with God. And to fix our other issues. But we need God for that.
Of course, just reading the Bible and posting a blog about it is not really going to do much for us. We need to be seeking him constantly. Praying is a good way to do that. This blog is just an accountability thing. *priest voice* ...an outward symbol of our devotion...
Sorry. Had a little fun there.
I need to let God in. I need to let him speak to me.
I feel like I'm going on a tangent. Hopefully, some of what I said makes sense.
Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
No one else can take your place
To feel the warmth of your embrace
Help me find my way
Bring me back to you
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
The only way that God can get close to you is when you let him in. Okay, technically God can get close to you anyway he wants, be he wants you to ask him. Developing a relationship with God is a two way street. It is not enough just to expect him to start guiding you. You need to ask for it. Remember, he already knows everything. There is nothing you can tell him that he doesn't already know. If you want God to get close to you, you must get close to him.
Easier said than done, right?
This bible study that Isabella and I are doing is to help fix our relationships with God. And to fix our other issues. But we need God for that.
Of course, just reading the Bible and posting a blog about it is not really going to do much for us. We need to be seeking him constantly. Praying is a good way to do that. This blog is just an accountability thing. *priest voice* ...an outward symbol of our devotion...
Sorry. Had a little fun there.
I need to let God in. I need to let him speak to me.
I feel like I'm going on a tangent. Hopefully, some of what I said makes sense.
Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
No one else can take your place
To feel the warmth of your embrace
Help me find my way
Bring me back to you
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Help me know you are near
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Beginning of James
Amelia and I decided to start doing a Bible Study over Christmas break because we both have been struggling lately and it'll be good for us. We decided to start with the book of James. We started with chapter one today since it was the first full day of break.
"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my dear brothers." James 1: 13-16.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19
"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." James 1:21
Lately, I've been having a major issue with temptation. Not sexual temptation, but a temptation to behave in a way that is not something my Savior and my God would be happy with. I have been struggling with cutting. I did it on December 4th and again on December 5th. I have no done it since. It has been a struggle. But by being completely transparent about this issue it has been possible for me not to do it. I opened up to three people about this plus all of the people on here and a forum for mental health issues for young adults/adults and my tumblr account. It has been hard owning up to the fact that I hurt myself. It has also been hard to stop. But God did not tempt me to do this. God does not want me hurting myself. He doesn't want me hurting at all. God loves me. God doesn't think this is appropriate behavior for me. This violation of my skin is all on me. I could have and should have called out to God about my PTSD and my depression and my break up with Daryl and my desire to self-harm. Only God could save me from myself. Only God can help me with my issues. But since I've felt so far away from God lately it has been so hard to just ask for the help I need. I never considered the idea that by asking for God's help I am finding my way back into his presence and back into his arms. I am also having an issue of dealing with a friend of mine. A friend of mine and I have been talking a lot over the past few days. I assumed that getting to know each other better meant that we could fix the past mistakes. Turns out every night is a fight and every day isn't. It is hard and it tempts me to get very angry, very quickly. Also, he and I are very different. I never realized just how different until we spoke today. He wants me to become more vulgar in my language and in my thoughts because he thinks it's weird that I'm not. In a way it seems like he's trying to pull me away from God. Um, how about no? Because I dated a jerk who tried to do the same thing. Only at the time I didn't see what was happening. Now I do. And I won't allow it. My relationship with God may not be where it should be right now. But you aren't going to break into my relationship with God simply because you think my behavior is weird. Okay, according to society's standards, my behavior is weird. But it is supposed to be weird. I'm not supposed to fit into this world. I am meant to stand out by my different behavior because of my love for God and Christ in me. And wow that turned into a rant. Ha. I'm sorry.
I am having an issue with my anger. I think it mostly comes from my PTSD because that is a symptom of it, but sometimes I don't even try to control my anger. I just let it take over. Because being angry means I don't have to be sad or hurt or any other negative emotion. I can turn my anger onto someone and be on the attack and feel good about the fact that I'm not the one hurting in the situation. It's terrible. I hate that about me. I think that's one of the worst qualities I have. How horrible of a person am I? But I think if I try to reign in my anger and then rely on God, it'll all get better. Because when I've relied on God for control of my anger in the past then it has gotten better. So, I need to remember to focus on him when it comes to that anger.
I have a hard time kicking people out of my life who need it. Especially if they try to stay. It seems to me that they care whenever this happens. And it's hard for me to let go of people who seem to care about me. But in reality, these people who cling to me might not be doing so for the right reason and they might not be any good for my spiritual walk with Christ. I tried to kick my friend out of my life yesterday. The one who thinks my purity is so weird? I tried to make him leave my life and not come back. He clung on so much. It touched my heart because I thought it showed he cared. I ended up saying that I was sorry and accepting that maybe they should still be in my life if they care so much. Now I see that it's something I need to learn how to do so that I can continually do it for people who try to corrupt my relationship with God. It'll be hard. But it's necessary to save my relationship with God. That should be the most important thing for me from now until the end of eternity. No friends are more important than God in my life. Or that's the way it should be. That's not how it is now. I need to find a way to shift my priorities because they're not okay right now.
What do I do?
"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my dear brothers." James 1: 13-16.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19
"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." James 1:21
Lately, I've been having a major issue with temptation. Not sexual temptation, but a temptation to behave in a way that is not something my Savior and my God would be happy with. I have been struggling with cutting. I did it on December 4th and again on December 5th. I have no done it since. It has been a struggle. But by being completely transparent about this issue it has been possible for me not to do it. I opened up to three people about this plus all of the people on here and a forum for mental health issues for young adults/adults and my tumblr account. It has been hard owning up to the fact that I hurt myself. It has also been hard to stop. But God did not tempt me to do this. God does not want me hurting myself. He doesn't want me hurting at all. God loves me. God doesn't think this is appropriate behavior for me. This violation of my skin is all on me. I could have and should have called out to God about my PTSD and my depression and my break up with Daryl and my desire to self-harm. Only God could save me from myself. Only God can help me with my issues. But since I've felt so far away from God lately it has been so hard to just ask for the help I need. I never considered the idea that by asking for God's help I am finding my way back into his presence and back into his arms. I am also having an issue of dealing with a friend of mine. A friend of mine and I have been talking a lot over the past few days. I assumed that getting to know each other better meant that we could fix the past mistakes. Turns out every night is a fight and every day isn't. It is hard and it tempts me to get very angry, very quickly. Also, he and I are very different. I never realized just how different until we spoke today. He wants me to become more vulgar in my language and in my thoughts because he thinks it's weird that I'm not. In a way it seems like he's trying to pull me away from God. Um, how about no? Because I dated a jerk who tried to do the same thing. Only at the time I didn't see what was happening. Now I do. And I won't allow it. My relationship with God may not be where it should be right now. But you aren't going to break into my relationship with God simply because you think my behavior is weird. Okay, according to society's standards, my behavior is weird. But it is supposed to be weird. I'm not supposed to fit into this world. I am meant to stand out by my different behavior because of my love for God and Christ in me. And wow that turned into a rant. Ha. I'm sorry.
I am having an issue with my anger. I think it mostly comes from my PTSD because that is a symptom of it, but sometimes I don't even try to control my anger. I just let it take over. Because being angry means I don't have to be sad or hurt or any other negative emotion. I can turn my anger onto someone and be on the attack and feel good about the fact that I'm not the one hurting in the situation. It's terrible. I hate that about me. I think that's one of the worst qualities I have. How horrible of a person am I? But I think if I try to reign in my anger and then rely on God, it'll all get better. Because when I've relied on God for control of my anger in the past then it has gotten better. So, I need to remember to focus on him when it comes to that anger.
I have a hard time kicking people out of my life who need it. Especially if they try to stay. It seems to me that they care whenever this happens. And it's hard for me to let go of people who seem to care about me. But in reality, these people who cling to me might not be doing so for the right reason and they might not be any good for my spiritual walk with Christ. I tried to kick my friend out of my life yesterday. The one who thinks my purity is so weird? I tried to make him leave my life and not come back. He clung on so much. It touched my heart because I thought it showed he cared. I ended up saying that I was sorry and accepting that maybe they should still be in my life if they care so much. Now I see that it's something I need to learn how to do so that I can continually do it for people who try to corrupt my relationship with God. It'll be hard. But it's necessary to save my relationship with God. That should be the most important thing for me from now until the end of eternity. No friends are more important than God in my life. Or that's the way it should be. That's not how it is now. I need to find a way to shift my priorities because they're not okay right now.
What do I do?
James 1
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." v 5-6
When you ask God for something, don't doubt. God already knows what you want. He hears all your prayers, and answers all of them. They may not be want you want the answers to be, and he might be telling you to wait. Trust him. He knows what he is doing.
I have been dealing with some stuff. Actually, both Isabella and myself have been dealing with stuff. Depression, PTSD, money problems, breakups. For me, what I'm stressing about right now is money problems. I still owe money to the school, which means there is a hold on my record, which means I can't enroll for next semester. I cried about it. A lot. But I never asked God for help. Why? Because I felt that, since I have been ignoring him for a long time now, that it would be selfish of me to ask. Like, the only reason I am going to him is because I need help. Instead, I tried to deal with it on my own. I went to the bank first for a loan. The first time I went, I needed a cosigner. The second time I went, because of my income, they said they couldn't help me. Unless I had something to use as collateral.
When the loan option failed, I asked a friend. She offered to help me before I went to the bank, but I turned her down, because I just wasn't comfortable taking money from her. So after the bank said they couldn't help, I decided to take her up on the offer. I have also been making small payments myself. I'm worried that it won't be enough. I'm not going to have everything paid off before I go home for Christmas, and neither my job nor the admin building will be open again until Jan (everything closes 21 Dec). I will have two weeks once classes start to get everything paid off. After that, I get kicked out of the dorm. Where will I go? What will I do?
I have got my bills down to a little under $400. I will have at least two more paychecks coming up (I'm not sure if there will be a third one or not). I have paid my phone bill for the month, so I shouldn't need to worry about that until Jan.
I know that I need God's guidance. When I ask him, I need to be confident. Not like, "God, I know that you are going to give me money to pay everything off before I get kicked out of the dorms." More like, "God, this is what I need. I trust you to help me through this. No matter what happens, it is in your hands." As I said, God knows what I need. I just need to let go, and let him take care of it.
How do I let go?
When you ask God for something, don't doubt. God already knows what you want. He hears all your prayers, and answers all of them. They may not be want you want the answers to be, and he might be telling you to wait. Trust him. He knows what he is doing.
I have been dealing with some stuff. Actually, both Isabella and myself have been dealing with stuff. Depression, PTSD, money problems, breakups. For me, what I'm stressing about right now is money problems. I still owe money to the school, which means there is a hold on my record, which means I can't enroll for next semester. I cried about it. A lot. But I never asked God for help. Why? Because I felt that, since I have been ignoring him for a long time now, that it would be selfish of me to ask. Like, the only reason I am going to him is because I need help. Instead, I tried to deal with it on my own. I went to the bank first for a loan. The first time I went, I needed a cosigner. The second time I went, because of my income, they said they couldn't help me. Unless I had something to use as collateral.
When the loan option failed, I asked a friend. She offered to help me before I went to the bank, but I turned her down, because I just wasn't comfortable taking money from her. So after the bank said they couldn't help, I decided to take her up on the offer. I have also been making small payments myself. I'm worried that it won't be enough. I'm not going to have everything paid off before I go home for Christmas, and neither my job nor the admin building will be open again until Jan (everything closes 21 Dec). I will have two weeks once classes start to get everything paid off. After that, I get kicked out of the dorm. Where will I go? What will I do?
I have got my bills down to a little under $400. I will have at least two more paychecks coming up (I'm not sure if there will be a third one or not). I have paid my phone bill for the month, so I shouldn't need to worry about that until Jan.
I know that I need God's guidance. When I ask him, I need to be confident. Not like, "God, I know that you are going to give me money to pay everything off before I get kicked out of the dorms." More like, "God, this is what I need. I trust you to help me through this. No matter what happens, it is in your hands." As I said, God knows what I need. I just need to let go, and let him take care of it.
How do I let go?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Post by Amelia:
Finals are over. The semester is done. At least for the two girls of this blog. Today is the official last day of finals for the semester. Some people are finishing up today. Everyone is going home, except for those few who will be staying here during the break. Isabella has went home. I will not be on campus. I will be staying at a friends house so that I can work for a week. Technically I will be staying in a camper next to a friends house. I will go home next week, stay there for about a week, then spend some time in Tulsa before coming back to school. This is how my break will be.
Finals are over. The semester is done. At least for the two girls of this blog. Today is the official last day of finals for the semester. Some people are finishing up today. Everyone is going home, except for those few who will be staying here during the break. Isabella has went home. I will not be on campus. I will be staying at a friends house so that I can work for a week. Technically I will be staying in a camper next to a friends house. I will go home next week, stay there for about a week, then spend some time in Tulsa before coming back to school. This is how my break will be.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
POST BY ISABELLA
I started cutting recently. I don't know for sure exactly how it all started. But the only thing I can think about right now is: I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT. I WANT TO CUT.
Maybe putting this out there will help me be accountable in NOT doing it. I don't want this to become an addiction. I'm grossed out by it. I'm sickened by it....when I'm not doing it.
Maybe putting this out there will help me be accountable in NOT doing it. I don't want this to become an addiction. I'm grossed out by it. I'm sickened by it....when I'm not doing it.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Finals Start Soon
Hey guys,
It's Isabella here. I haven't been on here very much at all this semester. I'm so sorry for that. Life has been crazy. I plan on posting a lot more after finals are over. Speaking of finals, they start on Thursday for the rest of the school, but my American Literature professor decided we'd take half of our final on Wednesday for some reason. So, my finals start on Wednesday (Amelia's birthday!). I will take my last final on Tuesday night. I have seven finals to take in less than a full week so we'll see how everything goes. I'm really worried, but also hopeful. Everything will work out, right? Right. If not...well, let's not get into the if not section.
My schedule for the next week or so looks like this:
Monday (today)- Presentation (finished, thank goodness!)
Tuesday- Extra credit due and quiz.
Wednesday-Final part 1 for Am. Lit.
Thursday- Adv. Video Final; Linguistics Final
Friday- Final part 2 for Am. Lit.
Monday- English Lit Final; Young Adult Lit Final
Tuesday- Fantasy Lit Final
I'm pretty worried about my finals, but I need to just take it one step at a time. It'll all work out.
It's Isabella here. I haven't been on here very much at all this semester. I'm so sorry for that. Life has been crazy. I plan on posting a lot more after finals are over. Speaking of finals, they start on Thursday for the rest of the school, but my American Literature professor decided we'd take half of our final on Wednesday for some reason. So, my finals start on Wednesday (Amelia's birthday!). I will take my last final on Tuesday night. I have seven finals to take in less than a full week so we'll see how everything goes. I'm really worried, but also hopeful. Everything will work out, right? Right. If not...well, let's not get into the if not section.
My schedule for the next week or so looks like this:
Monday (today)- Presentation (finished, thank goodness!)
Tuesday- Extra credit due and quiz.
Wednesday-Final part 1 for Am. Lit.
Thursday- Adv. Video Final; Linguistics Final
Friday- Final part 2 for Am. Lit.
Monday- English Lit Final; Young Adult Lit Final
Tuesday- Fantasy Lit Final
I'm pretty worried about my finals, but I need to just take it one step at a time. It'll all work out.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Roomie,
I'm glad you are my roommate. You are awesome and wonderful and amazing. We have had our differences, and we still struggle sometimes, but we have been able to work through them.
You mean so much to me. I'm glad that you are also my best friend.
DFTBA
I'm glad you are my roommate. You are awesome and wonderful and amazing. We have had our differences, and we still struggle sometimes, but we have been able to work through them.
You mean so much to me. I'm glad that you are also my best friend.
DFTBA
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Yes, I am still alive. Thanks for noticing.
Post by Isabella-
I am so sorry for not writing for so long. I have been swept up in the madness that is school. We're about half way through the semester and I'm just now getting a chance to write a real blog so that shows you just how crazy my life has been lately.
I would try to explain the hectic and craziness that is my life lately, but it's not really interesting at the moment. I have been going to school, working out, and not really having time for much else. I guess the only really interesting thing about this semester would be that I started dating a U.S. soldier. He was on his way out for his second tour when we started talking online and started dating shortly after. It was very quick and I know a lot of people probably think I'm crazy for doing it, but it was definitely the right decision for me. Things are rough and that's just how things are going to be for a while.
I have more to say, but I'm currently fighting with my mother. I'm so sick and tired of this. It's been like this all weekend. I'm ready to go back to school all freaking ready. Gah. I'll try to write more later.
I am so sorry for not writing for so long. I have been swept up in the madness that is school. We're about half way through the semester and I'm just now getting a chance to write a real blog so that shows you just how crazy my life has been lately.
I would try to explain the hectic and craziness that is my life lately, but it's not really interesting at the moment. I have been going to school, working out, and not really having time for much else. I guess the only really interesting thing about this semester would be that I started dating a U.S. soldier. He was on his way out for his second tour when we started talking online and started dating shortly after. It was very quick and I know a lot of people probably think I'm crazy for doing it, but it was definitely the right decision for me. Things are rough and that's just how things are going to be for a while.
I have more to say, but I'm currently fighting with my mother. I'm so sick and tired of this. It's been like this all weekend. I'm ready to go back to school all freaking ready. Gah. I'll try to write more later.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Get well soon.
It is that time of year again. The time when everyone gets sick. Roommate and I both need to stock up on juice and cough drops and stuff. And try to get plenty of sleep. That last part is not going to happen.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Amelia's Playbook
I have finally managed to land a part in a play. I will be playing the crone/witch in Hansel and Gretel. The show opens a week from tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about it, but I get excited whenever I look at my awesome costume. I haven't tried it on yet, but will probably do that tomorrow. I still have a ways to go with my lines. And my laugh. And my singing and dancing. But I am going to be putting more work into that in the next couple days because our director wants to try going off book on Tues.
Anyways, that's all I have for now.
Anyways, that's all I have for now.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The girls are back in town
Post by Amelia--
Classes start up next week. Ready to get back into the swing of things. I need something to keep me busy. Both of us are moved in. I really like our decorations. We are really showing off our nerdy selves. Lots of Harry Potter posters up, mostly from Isabella's end. I will try to get more of my HP stuff up as well.
Can't think of much to say right now. I'm going to read some info about the London riots to find out more about it. One of us will keep a blog going about that.
Monday, August 8, 2011
The anglophile in me worries
Post by Isabella-
I will add my opinion about these riots later today when I have more time to sit down and write.
There's a riot going on in London right now and I'm sitting here in my dorm watching ignorant people discuss the issue on Omegle.
Here are the facts as they stand now:
- A drug dealer was shot by police officers
- After that, people led a peaceful protest
- The protest turned violent
- Police have been injured, some hospitalized
- Rioting and looting has been going on for three nights
- A mass clean up is underway. For more information on clean up efforts, visit http://www.riotcleanup.co.uk/
- Riots have taken place in London, Birmingham, Liverpool, Bristol, Leeds, Nottingham.
- Parliment to be recalled on Thursday to discuss the riots.
- The Met police plan to deploy 13,000 officers in London over the next 24 hours.
- A 26-year-old man was shot in a car in Croydon last night.
I will add my opinion about these riots later today when I have more time to sit down and write.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Quick Update:
Post by Isabella-
Hey.
I just wanted to do a quick update. I've been a little busy so I'm sorry that I haven't been posting that much. I was up for the entire Pottermore experience, during the same week my A.C. stopped working for two days, I moved back to school, my mom had car problems, I unpacked everything and I read three books. Today roommate and I had a TwiBadMovie marathon. I forgot my ethernet cable at home so I need to buy one soon. Supposedly, I'm going tomorrow to buy another. Besides that I'm just preparing to get back into the swing of things. Everyone moves in on Wednesday so I'm going to enjoy my time away from people while I can.
More soon,
Loves.
Hey.
I just wanted to do a quick update. I've been a little busy so I'm sorry that I haven't been posting that much. I was up for the entire Pottermore experience, during the same week my A.C. stopped working for two days, I moved back to school, my mom had car problems, I unpacked everything and I read three books. Today roommate and I had a TwiBadMovie marathon. I forgot my ethernet cable at home so I need to buy one soon. Supposedly, I'm going tomorrow to buy another. Besides that I'm just preparing to get back into the swing of things. Everyone moves in on Wednesday so I'm going to enjoy my time away from people while I can.
More soon,
Loves.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Pottermore
Post by Amelia--
So, I waited a long time for the clue to be revealed. Then, had trouble getting to the actual quill page. Then, had trouble getting past the "explore" stage. Now, waiting for the welcome email.
*headdeask*
So, I waited a long time for the clue to be revealed. Then, had trouble getting to the actual quill page. Then, had trouble getting past the "explore" stage. Now, waiting for the welcome email.
*headdeask*
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Invisible Illness Awareness Week
Post by Isabella-
There is apparently an online advocacy thing going on about "Invisible Illness Awareness." It is to raise awareness about mental health disorders and other "invisible" illnesses. I think this is pretty neat. They have a survey that people can take online so here is mine:
1. The illness I live with is:
PTSD and depression.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:
2011
3. But I had symptoms since:
Depression: At least since a friend in high school started talking about killing herself. I ended up turning her in because I was worried. The loss of that relationship afterward caused me to kind of start spiraling downward. But the depression would come and go. PTSD: I noticed early January of 2010.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:
Dealing with the nightmares and panic attacks. Also, having to sensor myself with what I watch/read/listen to when I never had to do so before.
5. Most people assume:
That the nightmares should be easier to deal with than how I handle them.
6. The hardest part about mornings are:
Remembering the nightmares and trying to ground myself. It can take anywhere from 20 minutes to several hours for me to feel safe enough to get out of bed.
7. My favourite medical TV show is:
I don't have one.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
Phone.
9. The hardest part about nights are:
Falling asleep and the nightmares. I wake up anywhere from 2 to 10 times a night from nightmares. Then I start the process of grounding myself so I can be calm enough to go back to bed.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins.
No pills or vitamins. I take Tylenol PM or benedryl whenever I have a really hard time going to bed.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I:
I don’t think I use any? I guess "grounding" could count?
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
I don't know. I know the arguments for invisible: you're able to tell someone about it or choose to hide it, people don't have to know what you're going through...etc. I kind of prefer visible because I wouldn't have to explain or deal with people who don't really understand (or want to understand).
13. Regarding working and career:
I worked for two weeks this summer before I had issues with panic attacks brought on by triggers at work. I have been home for the summer preparing to go back to school this fall.
14. People would be surprised to know:
How rough it can get for me. I just don't think anyone understands or wants to understand.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
The fact that my sense of safety is gone. I will never feel content or safe anywhere. I will always be on my guard. I will always put my keys in between my fingers when I'm walking alone. I will never sit with my back to the door and feel safe. I will always make plans in my head for escape routes when I walk in a new building just in case.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Be comfortable around boys again.
17. The commercials about my illness:
The ones for depression are pretty obvious. There are online ones for PTSD, but they're all about military men and women which is a little frustrating. They aren't the only ones who deal with this issue.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
Well, since this whole thing started: sleeping through the night.
19. It was really hard to have to give up:
The typical giving up a good night of sleep...etc. But something that was difficult to pick up was "grounding." It just seemed really silly and that made it hard to do.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
Going over my nightmares during the daylight hours and trying to analyze them. It's helped me realize what my mind is trying to tell me while I'm asleep, but it's difficult.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
I don’t remember what normal is, but I would probably hang out with friends, watch all the things that I avoid and then go to bed really early so I could sleep well for a while.
22. My illness has taught me:
People are horrible, sick, twisted individuals who do the absolute worst things to each other. People can do crap like that and get away with it. I can fake a good day. I can let myself wallow on a really bad day.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:
"I'm sorry." "Tell me where he lives. I'm going to kick his a**." "You'll be okay." Or if they just give me a pitying look.
24. But I love it when people:
Treat me normally.
Are just there for me.
Cuddle. (Physical contact helps my dissociation more than anything else.)
25. My favourite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
A quote from Firefly:
-“Well, we’re still flying.”
-“That’s not much.”
-“It’s enough.”
I also like this quote from “Concrete Angel”: “Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone.”
**These were not mine originally, but reading them from another person with depression and PTSD was really uplifting. I love it.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
It's really hard, but I'm here for you. I understand what you're going through and whatever you need from me, you got it.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
How strong certain things can hit. Like a post I made a while back about my mom and I.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:
Sat up with me on the phone when I just woke up from a nightmare.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
I had no idea what that is. I just saw this under the PTSD tag on Tumblr. Then I did some research and fell in love with this idea. So many people don't understand how big of an issue this actually is, don't understand how much people suffer every single day.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:
Surprised, cared for, happy.
I know that's a lot of stuff, but it felt really good to get all of it out. I also really hope that IIA Week can go well and people can become more informed about mental health and mental health issues along with other "invisible" illnesses.
"If you are in pain, you are not alone."
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
What does your name mean?
Post by Amelia--
So, Isabella, I don't know if you saw my status or not, but it says to go to urbandictionary.com and find the meaning of your name. I saw this on another friend's status, so I decided to do it. I posted the comment from a different name, but here is the first definition for Amelia:
A crazy, awesome, loud, lovable girl. Impossible not to be smiling when around her. She lights up the entire room when she comes in. The bestest friend you will ever have.
I thought this would be appropriate :)
You should do it too!
So, Isabella, I don't know if you saw my status or not, but it says to go to urbandictionary.com and find the meaning of your name. I saw this on another friend's status, so I decided to do it. I posted the comment from a different name, but here is the first definition for Amelia:
A crazy, awesome, loud, lovable girl. Impossible not to be smiling when around her. She lights up the entire room when she comes in. The bestest friend you will ever have.
I thought this would be appropriate :)
You should do it too!
Post by Amelia--
So, I mentioned in a previous post that I am looking for a job. I can't remember if the last post was for an extra summer job, or a job to start in the fall at the time I wrote it. But my postion now, obviously, is to find a job for the fall and spring semesters. Trouble is, my schedule, like always is crazy. Not just with classes, but also with theatre, and SDS, and theatre. I decided to just drop on of my theatre classes (it's an elective and I can always try to take it another semester). That would free up a little more of my mornings. But still doesn't really do much for me. Other than dropping my hours down to 15. I really only put in two applications, one for the mail room/drop zone, and one for the NSU bookstore. I went back to talk to those places today. Mail room guy said he couldn't really do much for me, but that if I was still looking for something, he would find some way to plug me in. The bookstore hiring guy was not there, but the guy I talked to said they were still going over applications, and to just leave my name and he would give it to the hiring guy. Hopefully that will pay off somehow.
So, I mentioned in a previous post that I am looking for a job. I can't remember if the last post was for an extra summer job, or a job to start in the fall at the time I wrote it. But my postion now, obviously, is to find a job for the fall and spring semesters. Trouble is, my schedule, like always is crazy. Not just with classes, but also with theatre, and SDS, and theatre. I decided to just drop on of my theatre classes (it's an elective and I can always try to take it another semester). That would free up a little more of my mornings. But still doesn't really do much for me. Other than dropping my hours down to 15. I really only put in two applications, one for the mail room/drop zone, and one for the NSU bookstore. I went back to talk to those places today. Mail room guy said he couldn't really do much for me, but that if I was still looking for something, he would find some way to plug me in. The bookstore hiring guy was not there, but the guy I talked to said they were still going over applications, and to just leave my name and he would give it to the hiring guy. Hopefully that will pay off somehow.
Monday, July 25, 2011
I'll See Her There
Post by Isabella-
This weekend was fun and kinda different for me. I don't spend a lot of my time going to Wizard Rock concerts that are out of my way. We drove to Oklahoma City on Saturday, checked into a hotel then had about an hour to waste until the concert.
We grabbed some food on the way to the show. If I remember correctly, this was the line up: Jason Munday, Mike Lombardo, Luke Conard (Kristina was sick so no ALL CAPS, but Luke was still good) and Alex Carpenter. Jason's set was good. Mike sang with him for a song which was amazing. Alex and Mike had a lightsaber battle during one of Jason's songs. This was the first time I had seen Mike Lombardo live and I have to say that it was awesome. I also loved his tree tattoo which I didn't notice until after the show when Lucy or someone asked him about it. Luke played a mixture of ALL CAPS and his music. During "Summer of '09" (which he obviously didn't intend to do, but the crowd--cheered on by Alex--peer pressured him into doing it), Luke mostly had the audience sing on Kristina's parts. I really don't know what else to say about Luke's set. He's always good. Alex wrapped up the show. I noticed he's really good with the audience which I think is great. I wish he would have just accepted the "wooooo"s and hand waving without question. But he got a lot of grown people howling instead which is always good for a laugh, I guess. After the concert people got hugs and photos (of course I took the photos and stood awkwardly to the side, like always) and bought merch. I ended up picking up the ALL CAPS CD "Lowercase." It has a lot of songs I've already heard on it, but I'm glad I bought it. I already have one of their other CDs. Oh, and Alex gave my little group a "mission" for the show on Sunday.
After the concert, we went to bricktown and bought tickets for a showing of the HP movie. We had some time before the show so we walked around and stopped at Sonic. Then the movie. I cried. Of course. But there was this family with a lot of children in the theater so that kind of took away from the emotional aspect--you know since they were yelling at each other in Spanish and running around. Then we went back to the hotel and went to bed.
Sunday--
We ate breakfast at the hotel and relaxed until check out time. Then we had lunch at Chili's before going to see X-Men First Class. Okay, the dork in me really (x10) wants to nerd out about this movie since it was the first time I've seen it, but I'll just say that it was good, but it doesn't stand up to the other movies and comics as far as story lines go. Okay. Back to the other stuff. We went to the mall. I found a Ravenclaw-esk blouse and a Hunger Games shirt. Then we had dinner before heading to the other show.
Tonks and the Aurors played first. It was a good show. I've seen Steph three times so far so obviously I like her music. Of course, she broke a string on her guitar. She was sweet and I loved her merch. I wish I could have bought some, but I got distracted by other merch. After Steph was Justin Finch-Fletchly and the Sugar Quills. I liked his show. I hadn't really heard a lot of his music before, but I really liked it. Of course, he broke a string on his guitar. I signed up for his e-mail list and bought a button. I liked his stuff (and he was kinda cute...don't judge me), but I think I'll wait to buy any of his music. Then, ah, was Lauren Fairweather. Now, I've only heard of one of her songs before this show. But she had Lucy crying...twice. And I absolutely loved her stuff. I ended up buying Devil's Snare. I was considering buying a copy of her Snape/Lily album even though Lucy already has it. I decided that Devil's Snare was a better option since I wanted "Post-Potter Depression," "I'm Going to Hogwarts," and "Nerdfighterlike." Of course, Lauren did not break any strings on her guitar. Then came the mission: Matt Maggiacomo. After last night's show, Alex had given my group the mission to do the "woooooo" *hand motions* every time someone claps and shouts for Matt. So that's what we did. You could tell he was super freaked out for the first part of his set, but after a while he just kind of accepted it. Which meant that he didn't ever ask what it was about. So, after the show we shoved Lucy at Matt to explain what it was about. Of course, Matt broke a string on his guitar. (They should really rename their show the "Broken Strings Tour.") After the show, we bought merch and got hugs and high fives. And by we "...got hugs and high fives" I mean they got hugs and high fives while I took the pics and stood to the side awkwardly. But I did have a good talk with Lauren for a while.
Then we drove back to Tulsa. I got home and pretty much crashed. It was a good, but kind of long weekend. I'm not usually the "follow bands around and go to several shows in a few days" kind of person. I was kinda forced to go to these shows, but I don't regret it. I love these musicians and it was great. I just don't like the idea of going way out of my way for shows. Of course, wrockstock was different. I don't know. A few kids who were at the show last night had gone to all of the JFF (and Co.) shows that were in the state or from the past month. Or something. I don't remember. I just think that's borderline obsessive and kinda creepy. I like all these bands, don't get me wrong. I just don't have any kind of obsession towards them or their music. Ehh. *shrugs shoulder* It was a good weekend for the most part. It got me more music and merch which I always like.
Note: The title comes from the song "I'll See Her There" by Jason Munday ft. Mike Lombardo. That song was so good live this weekend. I hadn't been exposed to a lot of Mike Lombardo's music before, but I have to say that his voice is so pretty.
This weekend was fun and kinda different for me. I don't spend a lot of my time going to Wizard Rock concerts that are out of my way. We drove to Oklahoma City on Saturday, checked into a hotel then had about an hour to waste until the concert.
We grabbed some food on the way to the show. If I remember correctly, this was the line up: Jason Munday, Mike Lombardo, Luke Conard (Kristina was sick so no ALL CAPS, but Luke was still good) and Alex Carpenter. Jason's set was good. Mike sang with him for a song which was amazing. Alex and Mike had a lightsaber battle during one of Jason's songs. This was the first time I had seen Mike Lombardo live and I have to say that it was awesome. I also loved his tree tattoo which I didn't notice until after the show when Lucy or someone asked him about it. Luke played a mixture of ALL CAPS and his music. During "Summer of '09" (which he obviously didn't intend to do, but the crowd--cheered on by Alex--peer pressured him into doing it), Luke mostly had the audience sing on Kristina's parts. I really don't know what else to say about Luke's set. He's always good. Alex wrapped up the show. I noticed he's really good with the audience which I think is great. I wish he would have just accepted the "wooooo"s and hand waving without question. But he got a lot of grown people howling instead which is always good for a laugh, I guess. After the concert people got hugs and photos (of course I took the photos and stood awkwardly to the side, like always) and bought merch. I ended up picking up the ALL CAPS CD "Lowercase." It has a lot of songs I've already heard on it, but I'm glad I bought it. I already have one of their other CDs. Oh, and Alex gave my little group a "mission" for the show on Sunday.
After the concert, we went to bricktown and bought tickets for a showing of the HP movie. We had some time before the show so we walked around and stopped at Sonic. Then the movie. I cried. Of course. But there was this family with a lot of children in the theater so that kind of took away from the emotional aspect--you know since they were yelling at each other in Spanish and running around. Then we went back to the hotel and went to bed.
Sunday--
We ate breakfast at the hotel and relaxed until check out time. Then we had lunch at Chili's before going to see X-Men First Class. Okay, the dork in me really (x10) wants to nerd out about this movie since it was the first time I've seen it, but I'll just say that it was good, but it doesn't stand up to the other movies and comics as far as story lines go. Okay. Back to the other stuff. We went to the mall. I found a Ravenclaw-esk blouse and a Hunger Games shirt. Then we had dinner before heading to the other show.
Tonks and the Aurors played first. It was a good show. I've seen Steph three times so far so obviously I like her music. Of course, she broke a string on her guitar. She was sweet and I loved her merch. I wish I could have bought some, but I got distracted by other merch. After Steph was Justin Finch-Fletchly and the Sugar Quills. I liked his show. I hadn't really heard a lot of his music before, but I really liked it. Of course, he broke a string on his guitar. I signed up for his e-mail list and bought a button. I liked his stuff (and he was kinda cute...don't judge me), but I think I'll wait to buy any of his music. Then, ah, was Lauren Fairweather. Now, I've only heard of one of her songs before this show. But she had Lucy crying...twice. And I absolutely loved her stuff. I ended up buying Devil's Snare. I was considering buying a copy of her Snape/Lily album even though Lucy already has it. I decided that Devil's Snare was a better option since I wanted "Post-Potter Depression," "I'm Going to Hogwarts," and "Nerdfighterlike." Of course, Lauren did not break any strings on her guitar. Then came the mission: Matt Maggiacomo. After last night's show, Alex had given my group the mission to do the "woooooo" *hand motions* every time someone claps and shouts for Matt. So that's what we did. You could tell he was super freaked out for the first part of his set, but after a while he just kind of accepted it. Which meant that he didn't ever ask what it was about. So, after the show we shoved Lucy at Matt to explain what it was about. Of course, Matt broke a string on his guitar. (They should really rename their show the "Broken Strings Tour.") After the show, we bought merch and got hugs and high fives. And by we "...got hugs and high fives" I mean they got hugs and high fives while I took the pics and stood to the side awkwardly. But I did have a good talk with Lauren for a while.
Then we drove back to Tulsa. I got home and pretty much crashed. It was a good, but kind of long weekend. I'm not usually the "follow bands around and go to several shows in a few days" kind of person. I was kinda forced to go to these shows, but I don't regret it. I love these musicians and it was great. I just don't like the idea of going way out of my way for shows. Of course, wrockstock was different. I don't know. A few kids who were at the show last night had gone to all of the JFF (and Co.) shows that were in the state or from the past month. Or something. I don't remember. I just think that's borderline obsessive and kinda creepy. I like all these bands, don't get me wrong. I just don't have any kind of obsession towards them or their music. Ehh. *shrugs shoulder* It was a good weekend for the most part. It got me more music and merch which I always like.
Note: The title comes from the song "I'll See Her There" by Jason Munday ft. Mike Lombardo. That song was so good live this weekend. I hadn't been exposed to a lot of Mike Lombardo's music before, but I have to say that his voice is so pretty.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Like a Yo-Yo I'm Up and Down and Up and Down
Post by Isabella-
I'm not the type of person who would run away from things that bother me. Usually, I confront them head on. Sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes, for the worst. But that feeling's been creeping up my legs for the past day or so now.
When things get really rough for me mentally, I tend to want to confront or run. Fight or flight. Most of the time I fight. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I'm sucked under the pain and anguish. The nightmares and the flashbacks. There have been very few times I wanted to run. Far. The time I wanted to switch schools in the middle of junior year of college, but didn't. The time I had packed my duffle bag the summer between high school and college, but didn't go anywhere. Now.
Things have been going well. I finished three books in three days. I have been preparing to go back to school. I've been having fewer nightmares per night. Then today happened. I was taking a break from reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins to eat lunch at my computer while I check my e-mail. Then I hear the movie my mom is watching in the same room. A guy is yelling at his fiancee for spend a few hundred dollars of their wedding money on helping crippled children who were sitting on the street corner. He was wanting a necklace he gave her back so that he could use it for the couple of hundred dollars she spent. She refused to give it back. Then the screaming started. She was backing out of the room while he advanced on her. All that I could see was yelling and screaming and advancing and backing up. I freaked. I screamed at my mom to change the channel. She wouldn't. She didn't know why I was so upset and kept trying to talk to me while the people on the screen were yelling and advancing and pulling their hand back and cowering... I ran out of the room.
I eventually went back to the front room and yelled at my mom. I shouted about "yeah, I don't know what about that scene could possibly have upset me." She eventually said "I'm sorry. I didn't know." I explained that she should have just respected what I was, well, shouting, at her about changing the channel. She talked about how she's not a mind reader and didn't understand what was going on and how she was sorry she upset me. She said something about how she forgot. To which I replied, "because you don't live with it every day."
This is the worst--I don't even know what to call it--I've had in a long time. Episode? Flashback? Trigger? I don't know. I'm kind of freaked out about that. I'm afraid to go to bed now. I don't want to have nightmares. I'm sure I will have bad ones tonight.
I don't know much these days. This is a pretty depressing post. I'll do better next time. Promise. *holds out pinky for a pinky promise*
I'm not the type of person who would run away from things that bother me. Usually, I confront them head on. Sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes, for the worst. But that feeling's been creeping up my legs for the past day or so now.
When things get really rough for me mentally, I tend to want to confront or run. Fight or flight. Most of the time I fight. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I'm sucked under the pain and anguish. The nightmares and the flashbacks. There have been very few times I wanted to run. Far. The time I wanted to switch schools in the middle of junior year of college, but didn't. The time I had packed my duffle bag the summer between high school and college, but didn't go anywhere. Now.
Things have been going well. I finished three books in three days. I have been preparing to go back to school. I've been having fewer nightmares per night. Then today happened. I was taking a break from reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins to eat lunch at my computer while I check my e-mail. Then I hear the movie my mom is watching in the same room. A guy is yelling at his fiancee for spend a few hundred dollars of their wedding money on helping crippled children who were sitting on the street corner. He was wanting a necklace he gave her back so that he could use it for the couple of hundred dollars she spent. She refused to give it back. Then the screaming started. She was backing out of the room while he advanced on her. All that I could see was yelling and screaming and advancing and backing up. I freaked. I screamed at my mom to change the channel. She wouldn't. She didn't know why I was so upset and kept trying to talk to me while the people on the screen were yelling and advancing and pulling their hand back and cowering... I ran out of the room.
I eventually went back to the front room and yelled at my mom. I shouted about "yeah, I don't know what about that scene could possibly have upset me." She eventually said "I'm sorry. I didn't know." I explained that she should have just respected what I was, well, shouting, at her about changing the channel. She talked about how she's not a mind reader and didn't understand what was going on and how she was sorry she upset me. She said something about how she forgot. To which I replied, "because you don't live with it every day."
This is the worst--I don't even know what to call it--I've had in a long time. Episode? Flashback? Trigger? I don't know. I'm kind of freaked out about that. I'm afraid to go to bed now. I don't want to have nightmares. I'm sure I will have bad ones tonight.
I don't know much these days. This is a pretty depressing post. I'll do better next time. Promise. *holds out pinky for a pinky promise*
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Post by Amelia--
I'm really burnt out right now. I'm behind on my readings for my lit class. We are on the final book right now, The Shining, but I still havent finished reading Dracula yet. So I have been a bunch of reading to try to keep up. I also have to start on my essay. It has already been extended twice. I plan on working on it tonight. Probably start before I go into work, or just work on it during my breaks. Which I don't get much of. We will see how it goes. I may have to watch a movie tonight after I get off work.
I just feel really tired (and hungry). I don't feel like I have a lot of energy. I need a break, but I don't feel like I can give myself one.
I think I'm slipping back into my depression.
I'm really burnt out right now. I'm behind on my readings for my lit class. We are on the final book right now, The Shining, but I still havent finished reading Dracula yet. So I have been a bunch of reading to try to keep up. I also have to start on my essay. It has already been extended twice. I plan on working on it tonight. Probably start before I go into work, or just work on it during my breaks. Which I don't get much of. We will see how it goes. I may have to watch a movie tonight after I get off work.
I just feel really tired (and hungry). I don't feel like I have a lot of energy. I need a break, but I don't feel like I can give myself one.
I think I'm slipping back into my depression.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Ramble
Post by Isabella-
Hello, all.
It seems like things have quieted down on the internet over the past few days. Is everyone okay? Or should I just assume that this is all part of a diversion method until you all come out of the woodwork to kill us?
Well, I have just received a brand new, shiny capstone advisor! *imitates yelling crowd* Whoo hoo. Yea! What? Okay, so it's not that exciting. But it has made me all nervous. I don't know what I'm doing anymore! Side note, I'm on the fourth book out of 20 for my fall literature classes and I'm FREAKING OUT that I won't finish them all before classes start IN LESS THAN A MONTH. Oh, Godric. I'm gonna die.
Okay, time to get back to the book. Byee! *waves while walking away slowly*
*runs back* Oh, and boys are creepy. Bye!
*runs away*
Hello, all.
It seems like things have quieted down on the internet over the past few days. Is everyone okay? Or should I just assume that this is all part of a diversion method until you all come out of the woodwork to kill us?
Well, I have just received a brand new, shiny capstone advisor! *imitates yelling crowd* Whoo hoo. Yea! What? Okay, so it's not that exciting. But it has made me all nervous. I don't know what I'm doing anymore! Side note, I'm on the fourth book out of 20 for my fall literature classes and I'm FREAKING OUT that I won't finish them all before classes start IN LESS THAN A MONTH. Oh, Godric. I'm gonna die.
Okay, time to get back to the book. Byee! *waves while walking away slowly*
*runs back* Oh, and boys are creepy. Bye!
*runs away*
Monday, July 18, 2011
Where do we go from here?
Post by Amelia--
My roommate, suitemate, and I didn't leave the theater until after the final credits were over. As we were heading back to the suites, I was at a loss for words. I kept thinking, "What do I do now?" I'm sure a lot of people felt that way too. It took me a couple days before I felt like reading something other than Harry Potter. It is just really hard to think that the books and movies of the Harry Potter series are now over. Life will never be the same.
My roommate, suitemate, and I didn't leave the theater until after the final credits were over. As we were heading back to the suites, I was at a loss for words. I kept thinking, "What do I do now?" I'm sure a lot of people felt that way too. It took me a couple days before I felt like reading something other than Harry Potter. It is just really hard to think that the books and movies of the Harry Potter series are now over. Life will never be the same.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Rest in Peace
In memory of:
James "Prongs" Potter
Lily Evans Potter
Frank Bryce
Cedric Diggory
Sirius "Padfoot" Black
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Hedwig
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
Charity Burbage
Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew
Dobby
Fred Weasley
Remus John "Moony" Lupin
Nymphadora Tonks Lupin
Ted Tonks
Colin Creevey
Severus Snape
Lavender Brown
Vincent Crabbe
Marvolo Gaunt
The Riddle Family
Regulus Arcturus Black
Bertha Jorkins
Barty Crouch Sr.
Broderick Bode
Hepzibah Smith
Amelia Bones
Emmeline Vance
Florean Fortescue
Mrs. Abbott
Igor Karkaroff
Rufus Scrimgeour
Gregorovitch
Grindelwald
Bathilda Bagshot
Dirk Cresswell
Gornuk
And to all the muggles, witches, wizards, and magical creatures who were not mentioned by name and died by the hand of Voldemort and his followers.
James "Prongs" Potter
Lily Evans Potter
Frank Bryce
Cedric Diggory
Sirius "Padfoot" Black
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Hedwig
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
Charity Burbage
Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew
Dobby
Fred Weasley
Remus John "Moony" Lupin
Nymphadora Tonks Lupin
Ted Tonks
Colin Creevey
Severus Snape
Lavender Brown
Vincent Crabbe
Marvolo Gaunt
The Riddle Family
Regulus Arcturus Black
Bertha Jorkins
Barty Crouch Sr.
Broderick Bode
Hepzibah Smith
Amelia Bones
Emmeline Vance
Florean Fortescue
Mrs. Abbott
Igor Karkaroff
Rufus Scrimgeour
Gregorovitch
Grindelwald
Bathilda Bagshot
Dirk Cresswell
Gornuk
And to all the muggles, witches, wizards, and magical creatures who were not mentioned by name and died by the hand of Voldemort and his followers.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
NaNoWriMo and More
Post by a slightly overly hyper Isabella-
I'm sure everyone around me knows by now what NaNoWriMo is so I won't go into details trying to explain it. But I have come up with a new story idea for this year...kind of. It's an old concept kind of revamped and it's also something that is kind of (read greatly) influenced by my personal history. Not too sure how I feel about that.
Anyway, here is the plot synopsis I've come up with: A college student in Middle of Nowhere, USA begins struggling in classes, friendships, and life when her world comes crashing down around her.
I know it's not the most imaginative thing out there but the writing bug just kind of hit me earlier. Plus, it's NaNoWriMo, it's not supposed to be perfect. I've also created a calendar, but I don't have Photoshop on any of the school computers so I can't make it right now, but here are a few highlights from the calendar: November 3, Fingers hurting? Be sure to stretch them inbetween silly character banter.; November 6, Your inner critic may be nagging. Kill him.; November 11, Challenge: Include the word "salty."; November 19, Dear diary, all sense of plot is gone and Neville Longbottom made a cameo.; November 25, Everybody loves a penguin or twelve, why don't you add some to your novel?; November 29, Pull out everything you got for the last two days. Throw in a plot twist if you need it. Etcetera. It's a cute calendar...If I could ever get to Photoshop to make it.
On another note: I've read well over 1,000 pages in the past week. I finished three books. Two from roughly the middle and one from beginning to end. I also started reading another, but I was so depressed/sleepy from the midnight showing of HP that I have spent the past two days watching Gilmore Girls and sleeping. Actually, I've also been preparing stuff for my graduate school applications and my capstone project. So, I've been productive, just not as productive as I have wanted to be.
Okay, done ranting. My roommate is off work for dinner and wants to hang out so I am going to leave this right here.
Also, I have no idea what's going on with the background, font and font color. So, don't ask me. Evil technology...
I'm sure everyone around me knows by now what NaNoWriMo is so I won't go into details trying to explain it. But I have come up with a new story idea for this year...kind of. It's an old concept kind of revamped and it's also something that is kind of (read greatly) influenced by my personal history. Not too sure how I feel about that.
Anyway, here is the plot synopsis I've come up with: A college student in Middle of Nowhere, USA begins struggling in classes, friendships, and life when her world comes crashing down around her.
I know it's not the most imaginative thing out there but the writing bug just kind of hit me earlier. Plus, it's NaNoWriMo, it's not supposed to be perfect. I've also created a calendar, but I don't have Photoshop on any of the school computers so I can't make it right now, but here are a few highlights from the calendar: November 3, Fingers hurting? Be sure to stretch them inbetween silly character banter.; November 6, Your inner critic may be nagging. Kill him.; November 11, Challenge: Include the word "salty."; November 19, Dear diary, all sense of plot is gone and Neville Longbottom made a cameo.; November 25, Everybody loves a penguin or twelve, why don't you add some to your novel?; November 29, Pull out everything you got for the last two days. Throw in a plot twist if you need it. Etcetera. It's a cute calendar...If I could ever get to Photoshop to make it.
On another note: I've read well over 1,000 pages in the past week. I finished three books. Two from roughly the middle and one from beginning to end. I also started reading another, but I was so depressed/sleepy from the midnight showing of HP that I have spent the past two days watching Gilmore Girls and sleeping. Actually, I've also been preparing stuff for my graduate school applications and my capstone project. So, I've been productive, just not as productive as I have wanted to be.
Okay, done ranting. My roommate is off work for dinner and wants to hang out so I am going to leave this right here.
Also, I have no idea what's going on with the background, font and font color. So, don't ask me. Evil technology...
Thursday, July 14, 2011
End of an Era by Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls
Don't you ever wonder what will happen when it ends?
How can we let go of the ones who we call friends?
And I know it's only a story, but for so many it's more than that.
It's a world all on its own where we want to put on that sorting hat.
I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
Though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
Could there ever be, again, another one like this?
One that's brought us together and started its own music movement.
So, I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So we will see it closed.
The final chapter exposed.
It's an end of an era and I see it clearer,
That nothing will ever be the same.
And I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So, don't you ever wonder what will happen when it ends?
How can we let go of the ones who we call friends?
And I know it's only a story, but for so many it's more than that.
It's a world all on its own where we want to put on that sorting hat.
I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
Though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
Could there ever be, again, another one like this?
One that's brought us together and started its own music movement.
So, I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So we will see it closed.
The final chapter exposed.
It's an end of an era and I see it clearer,
That nothing will ever be the same.
And I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it's no where I have been,
I keep on smiling, from the times I had with them.
So, don't you ever wonder what will happen when it ends?
My body will lie in the theater forever
Post by Isabella-
I should probably start this off by saying that I'm sorry it has taken us so long to update the blog. Things got busy when it started getting close to today's date. As many of you know, today is the day Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 comes out. The roommate and I have been freaking out about that since July started--actually it was probably before then. So, again I apologize for our absence.
The plan for today is that I'll be getting to the theater around five this afternoon. I'm sure people are going to get there way before me, but I'm also kind of nervous that I'll be the first one there. That would be so awkward for me. Then one of the roommate's summer roommates is going to get there in between 6 and 8 or so. The roommate won't actually get there until after she gets off work at 10. Then there's the usual line games. Movie at 12.
I'm not prepared. I am so not prepared. It feels like this, the end, has been sneaking up on me from day one. I also sort of feel like a doofus for being so emotional. I've loved this series for so long and everything is coming to an end. It feels less like the end of something and more like the death of a really close friend. I know that the series doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to others. For some people it's just a book series, just a movie franchise. They don't understand the connection that I, and about a milion other people, have made with the series. They may feel that I'm pathetic or weak or stupid or sad or other ridiculous things, but I feel sorry for them. They don't understand the joy of truly geeking out about something. Of being a nerd and absolutely LOVING something. That it what seems truly sad to me.
I know that it's not truly the end, but this feels like the end of something big.
Rupert Grint: "After being in Harry Potter, I believe a bit more in magic than I did before."
Daniel Radcliffe: "Harry Potter is rather like the mafia, I guess. Once you're in, you never get out."
Emma Watson: "It's got be 'magical,' hasn't it?"
I should probably start this off by saying that I'm sorry it has taken us so long to update the blog. Things got busy when it started getting close to today's date. As many of you know, today is the day Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 comes out. The roommate and I have been freaking out about that since July started--actually it was probably before then. So, again I apologize for our absence.
The plan for today is that I'll be getting to the theater around five this afternoon. I'm sure people are going to get there way before me, but I'm also kind of nervous that I'll be the first one there. That would be so awkward for me. Then one of the roommate's summer roommates is going to get there in between 6 and 8 or so. The roommate won't actually get there until after she gets off work at 10. Then there's the usual line games. Movie at 12.
I'm not prepared. I am so not prepared. It feels like this, the end, has been sneaking up on me from day one. I also sort of feel like a doofus for being so emotional. I've loved this series for so long and everything is coming to an end. It feels less like the end of something and more like the death of a really close friend. I know that the series doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to others. For some people it's just a book series, just a movie franchise. They don't understand the connection that I, and about a milion other people, have made with the series. They may feel that I'm pathetic or weak or stupid or sad or other ridiculous things, but I feel sorry for them. They don't understand the joy of truly geeking out about something. Of being a nerd and absolutely LOVING something. That it what seems truly sad to me.
I know that it's not truly the end, but this feels like the end of something big.
Rupert Grint: "After being in Harry Potter, I believe a bit more in magic than I did before."
Daniel Radcliffe: "Harry Potter is rather like the mafia, I guess. Once you're in, you never get out."
Emma Watson: "It's got be 'magical,' hasn't it?"
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Just a Quick Note
I understand that PTSD, and any mental health problem really, cannot be overcome without help. I really do, but I wish that people would stop telling me that I have to go to therapy when I get back to school in August. I love you guys and I appreciate that you want me to get better. But really? Telling me to go to therapy doesn't help. Especially with the experience I had with therapy before. The therapist blamed everything on my break up with my ex-fiance. She didn't want to discuss anything else. Discussing how we broke up and how I felt afterward over and over and over and over didn't help anything. All it did was make me worse. So, why should I expect therapy to be any different this time?
I love you guys and I want to be better and I know you want me to be better.
I love you guys and I want to be better and I know you want me to be better.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Harry Potter
I don't know how I could ever love anything more than I love everything surrounding Harry Potter.
For some people, Harry Potter is just a book series, a movie franchise, but, for some people, this series is everything.
For some people, they're never going home, not really. Because this world, this beautiful world by J. K. Rowling, will always be their home.
Maybe this world has had its ups and downs. But the world of Harry Potter has taught me more about life than anything else.
For some people, Harry Potter is just a book series, a movie franchise, but, for some people, this series is everything.
For some people, they're never going home, not really. Because this world, this beautiful world by J. K. Rowling, will always be their home.
Maybe this world has had its ups and downs. But the world of Harry Potter has taught me more about life than anything else.
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Third Task
First think of the person who lives in disguise,
Who deals in secrets and tells naught by lies.
Next, tell me what's always the last thing to mend,
The middle of middle and end of end?
And finally give me the sound often heard
During the search for a hard-to-find word.
Now string them together, and answer me this,
Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
Who deals in secrets and tells naught by lies.
Next, tell me what's always the last thing to mend,
The middle of middle and end of end?
And finally give me the sound often heard
During the search for a hard-to-find word.
Now string them together, and answer me this,
Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Stare down with a fish
Post by Amelia--
I am currently having a staring contest with my suitemate's fish.
Isabella, I don't think that your food issues, your penguin dance, ect, is not messed up. They are just stuff you do.
I know that you have been through a lot. Everything you mentioned relating to that, I would be surprised if you weren't scared. I hope that this doesn't make you mad, but at some point you are going to need to deal with your issues. Only then, plus time, will help you not be afraid anymore. I would like to see you go back to counseling. I would like to see myself go back to counseling. I know that it might be awkward going back to school counseling, but I believe that talking to someone might help, especially someone trained. I'm not saying that it will fix everything, I just think that it will help to get you fixed.
When you think about yourself, think about how awesome you are. You are a great friend. You listen to my rants, even if they get old and don't change much. You love books and music and learning and dinosaurs. You usually know what to say to make other people laugh, even if you don't know you know, you know? You like writing stuff and love all your animals, as well as all my animals (Lambchop says "hi" btw). You are a ravenclaw.
Do you remeber in the first HP book, where Malfoy had been teasing Neville, and Ron gave him a chocolate frog and said, "You are worth twelve of him" (or was it Harry that said that)? I don't know if that will help anything, but it came to mind.
I beat your face.
I am currently having a staring contest with my suitemate's fish.
Isabella, I don't think that your food issues, your penguin dance, ect, is not messed up. They are just stuff you do.
I know that you have been through a lot. Everything you mentioned relating to that, I would be surprised if you weren't scared. I hope that this doesn't make you mad, but at some point you are going to need to deal with your issues. Only then, plus time, will help you not be afraid anymore. I would like to see you go back to counseling. I would like to see myself go back to counseling. I know that it might be awkward going back to school counseling, but I believe that talking to someone might help, especially someone trained. I'm not saying that it will fix everything, I just think that it will help to get you fixed.
When you think about yourself, think about how awesome you are. You are a great friend. You listen to my rants, even if they get old and don't change much. You love books and music and learning and dinosaurs. You usually know what to say to make other people laugh, even if you don't know you know, you know? You like writing stuff and love all your animals, as well as all my animals (Lambchop says "hi" btw). You are a ravenclaw.
Do you remeber in the first HP book, where Malfoy had been teasing Neville, and Ron gave him a chocolate frog and said, "You are worth twelve of him" (or was it Harry that said that)? I don't know if that will help anything, but it came to mind.
I beat your face.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
Post by Isabella-
It is amazing how you can sit down for two seconds and realize just how messed up you truly are.
I sat down for a few minutes today and just thought about who I am and it's amazing how many things are wrong with me.
First, you have the funny stuff: my food issues, walking like a penguin when I get excited, the funny voices I make.
And then you have the messed up stuff: I have PTSD, I have trust issues, I get twitchy when I'm alone with someone when we're not in a public place, I am paranoid, I have a problem with people touching me unexpectedly--like if I don't see you coming up and you tap me on the shoulders. I am so not normal.
When I walk alone at night, I put my cell phone in one hand and my keys in between the fingers of my other. When I meet someone I don't know for the first time, I keep a close eye on them until I decide that I have nothing to worry about. I don't like having my back to a door, ever. I don't like people walking behind me. I don't like being in large groups. It's like I'm always prepared for an attack. It's like I always expect something to happen to me. I'm always on my guard.
How do I stop being on my guard??? How do I shut that down? How do I make myself normal again? Whatever "normal" is for me anymore...
I used to boast that I had no fear. I could do whatever, whenever. It didn't matter. Now, I'm so afraid of so much. That's not normal. That's never going to be normal. It's not okay for me to be afraid of my own shadow. Not when I used to be fearless.
I guess I'll explain something I do every night when I wake up from a nightmare-
Count down from five-
5. I am laying down with my head on a pillow. 4. My foot is sticking out of the comforter. 3. The T.V. is still on. 2. The A.C. just came on. 1. I am alone. I am safe.
Then I know everything's okay. Take a deep breath and try to go back to bed.
Roommate, you have such a messed up roommate.
It is amazing how you can sit down for two seconds and realize just how messed up you truly are.
I sat down for a few minutes today and just thought about who I am and it's amazing how many things are wrong with me.
First, you have the funny stuff: my food issues, walking like a penguin when I get excited, the funny voices I make.
And then you have the messed up stuff: I have PTSD, I have trust issues, I get twitchy when I'm alone with someone when we're not in a public place, I am paranoid, I have a problem with people touching me unexpectedly--like if I don't see you coming up and you tap me on the shoulders. I am so not normal.
When I walk alone at night, I put my cell phone in one hand and my keys in between the fingers of my other. When I meet someone I don't know for the first time, I keep a close eye on them until I decide that I have nothing to worry about. I don't like having my back to a door, ever. I don't like people walking behind me. I don't like being in large groups. It's like I'm always prepared for an attack. It's like I always expect something to happen to me. I'm always on my guard.
How do I stop being on my guard??? How do I shut that down? How do I make myself normal again? Whatever "normal" is for me anymore...
I used to boast that I had no fear. I could do whatever, whenever. It didn't matter. Now, I'm so afraid of so much. That's not normal. That's never going to be normal. It's not okay for me to be afraid of my own shadow. Not when I used to be fearless.
I guess I'll explain something I do every night when I wake up from a nightmare-
Count down from five-
5. I am laying down with my head on a pillow. 4. My foot is sticking out of the comforter. 3. The T.V. is still on. 2. The A.C. just came on. 1. I am alone. I am safe.
Then I know everything's okay. Take a deep breath and try to go back to bed.
Roommate, you have such a messed up roommate.
Lumos Flies by All Caps
You would not believe your eyes
I know that it sounds unwise
she's so smart and yeah, she's just a friend
But she lit up the Yule Ball
My heart pushed against a wall
Just frozen staring here in the Great Hall
I'd like to make myself believe
That she would look back at me
It's hard to say that I'd rather leave than see her here with him
but everything is never as it seems (with hermione)
I've gotten a thousand hugs
just tonight from Victor Krum
that Durmstrang boy who gave me a chance
but something just isn't right
it's not how I viewed tonight
I wasted time waiting for Ron's invite
I'd like to make myself believe
that stupid boy would ask me
it's hard to say cause he's stubborn and a pig and fights with me
but everything is never as it seems (with ron weasley)
Oh Ronald Weasley you're the worst
please take me away from here
Maybe next time you should ask me first
please take me away from here
Victor's dumb but he treats me right
please take me away from here
now excuse me while I enjoy my night
cause I'd cast a thousand charms
she makes me feel so unarmed
I wonder if Harry's noticed yet
oh he can be such a swine
and even though she's not mine
I wont give up, these things just take time
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'll fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
but 'till it happens I'll still have my dreams (of you and me)
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'd fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
because I'm too afraid you'd disagree
I know that it sounds unwise
she's so smart and yeah, she's just a friend
But she lit up the Yule Ball
My heart pushed against a wall
Just frozen staring here in the Great Hall
I'd like to make myself believe
That she would look back at me
It's hard to say that I'd rather leave than see her here with him
but everything is never as it seems (with hermione)
I've gotten a thousand hugs
just tonight from Victor Krum
that Durmstrang boy who gave me a chance
but something just isn't right
it's not how I viewed tonight
I wasted time waiting for Ron's invite
I'd like to make myself believe
that stupid boy would ask me
it's hard to say cause he's stubborn and a pig and fights with me
but everything is never as it seems (with ron weasley)
Oh Ronald Weasley you're the worst
please take me away from here
Maybe next time you should ask me first
please take me away from here
Victor's dumb but he treats me right
please take me away from here
now excuse me while I enjoy my night
cause I'd cast a thousand charms
she makes me feel so unarmed
I wonder if Harry's noticed yet
oh he can be such a swine
and even though she's not mine
I wont give up, these things just take time
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'll fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
but 'till it happens I'll still have my dreams (of you and me)
I'd like to make myself believe
that someday you'd fall for me
It's not like I'm gonna tell you
to your face or anything
because I'm too afraid you'd disagree
Friday, July 1, 2011
School Song
Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald
Or young with scabby knees,
Our heads could do with filling
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot.
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald
Or young with scabby knees,
Our heads could do with filling
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Countdown to the finale
Post by Amelia--
Tomorrow is July 1. Starting tomorrow, I will be doing a Harry Potter tribute countdown in order to prepare myself for Deathly Hallows Part 2 on July 15. This will be a sad day for everyone. The books are done, the movies will be over. But the magic of that series will continue forever. I have already decided that my kids will hear the tales of Beetle the Bard, they will get their Hogwarts letter when they turn 11, they will be introduced to Wrock, Dear Mr Potter, and Pottermore. I will be posting HP quotes on statuses, lyrics to my favorite Wrock songs, and a list of those who died.
I am such a nerd. A magical nerd.
Tomorrow is July 1. Starting tomorrow, I will be doing a Harry Potter tribute countdown in order to prepare myself for Deathly Hallows Part 2 on July 15. This will be a sad day for everyone. The books are done, the movies will be over. But the magic of that series will continue forever. I have already decided that my kids will hear the tales of Beetle the Bard, they will get their Hogwarts letter when they turn 11, they will be introduced to Wrock, Dear Mr Potter, and Pottermore. I will be posting HP quotes on statuses, lyrics to my favorite Wrock songs, and a list of those who died.
I am such a nerd. A magical nerd.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Awoosome!
Post by Isabella-
Well, roomie and I went to see Christian Caldeira, Jason Munday and Alex Carpenter in concert at a coffee shop last night. It was sooo awoosome!
It was Amelia, Lucy, Heather, Laramie, Emily and I. We had a great time. Then we went to Cherry Berry down the street.
It was exactly a year since I had been to my first wizard rock concert. That concert involved Tonks and the Aurors, Jason Munday and Alex Carpenter. Kinda funny when you think about it.
This reminded me of what I have been missing in my life for the past month or so. I don't know how I could live my life without Wrock now.
Lucy, Laramie, Emily and I are planning on going to OKC next month (July 23-24) to go to more wrock concerts. I kinda love my wrock music friends.
Well, this post wasn't much, but to say that I love wrock music, wrock friends and wrockers. Good day!
I said good day!
Well, roomie and I went to see Christian Caldeira, Jason Munday and Alex Carpenter in concert at a coffee shop last night. It was sooo awoosome!
It was Amelia, Lucy, Heather, Laramie, Emily and I. We had a great time. Then we went to Cherry Berry down the street.
It was exactly a year since I had been to my first wizard rock concert. That concert involved Tonks and the Aurors, Jason Munday and Alex Carpenter. Kinda funny when you think about it.
This reminded me of what I have been missing in my life for the past month or so. I don't know how I could live my life without Wrock now.
Lucy, Laramie, Emily and I are planning on going to OKC next month (July 23-24) to go to more wrock concerts. I kinda love my wrock music friends.
Well, this post wasn't much, but to say that I love wrock music, wrock friends and wrockers. Good day!
I said good day!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Failure
You fail. I fail. Together, we fail. No matter who you are, you will fail in life at something.
I think that we always get so scared of failing. Like failing means that we're less of a person. Or maybe it's that we're so afraid of showing a weaker, more vulnerable side to anyone.
I think seeing someone at the moment they fail at something is one of the most beautiful moments in life. Seeing their reaction can be beautiful and wonderful. Or it can be one of the moments they spend forever trying to hide from.
I don't understand that. You can't go back and fix your failures. Nor can you hide them under the rug. Why even try? Why can't people ever just admit that they've failed at something? I think this is the reason some people refuse to get a divorce even though their relationship is obviously volatile. People are unwilling to admit that their marriage was a failure.
I have failed more times than I can count. I've fallen so many times, gotten bruises, scrapes and skinned knees from it...But I still get up. And when I get up, I don't try to act like I didn't fall. I fell. I failed. I broke. It's life. It happens. Fall down, get back up and admit you fell. Acknowledge the injuries you've gotten from it and realize that the experience will be with you forever.
"It's impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all."-J. K. Rowling
"I just don't want to die without a few scars."-Fight Club
I think that we always get so scared of failing. Like failing means that we're less of a person. Or maybe it's that we're so afraid of showing a weaker, more vulnerable side to anyone.
I think seeing someone at the moment they fail at something is one of the most beautiful moments in life. Seeing their reaction can be beautiful and wonderful. Or it can be one of the moments they spend forever trying to hide from.
I don't understand that. You can't go back and fix your failures. Nor can you hide them under the rug. Why even try? Why can't people ever just admit that they've failed at something? I think this is the reason some people refuse to get a divorce even though their relationship is obviously volatile. People are unwilling to admit that their marriage was a failure.
I have failed more times than I can count. I've fallen so many times, gotten bruises, scrapes and skinned knees from it...But I still get up. And when I get up, I don't try to act like I didn't fall. I fell. I failed. I broke. It's life. It happens. Fall down, get back up and admit you fell. Acknowledge the injuries you've gotten from it and realize that the experience will be with you forever.
"It's impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all."-J. K. Rowling
"I just don't want to die without a few scars."-Fight Club
The fun and not so funness of my life
Saturday, Heather got to see both of our shows with me. I would meet her in the lobby of the venue, and then walk her up to the light booth, making sure to stay out of the dressing rooms. She liked the shows. Though I'm not a big fan of DTC, it was nice having one of my friends watch it. I like having friends watch a performance or something that I am a part of. Even though I have only done backstage stuff, knowing that that they are in the audience makes me happy. It shows that they support me, even they might not entirely like what they are watching.
Speaking of DTC, we started doing Secret Pals. I'm the only tech person doing it (besides the guy doing sound, but he is still part of DTC, whereas I am hired through somebody else). I filled out the info sheet with things like: my theme for my bedroom is Harry Potter (I made sure to put that I am a Gryffindor); my favorite animals are penguins, dinosaurs, and phoenixes; my favorite band is Ministry of Magic; I like books. And probably some other stuff that I can't completely remember. I drew a name out of the hat, and got the person's info sheet. Actually, I didn't get it until the next day because I couldn't find hers. I went to walmart and got some stuff for her. I'm going to try to go to the Dollar Tree next time so I won't have to spend so much money. I plan on mixing the gifts up some. Like, my first gift was just candy. For this week I may get some movie watching stuff, or fun stuff like bubbles, or even some healthy stuff to cure a sore throat from singing a lot. The person who drew my name got me a big thing of Gatarade and some candy.
Heather and I walked back to our suite after Saturday night's performance. We were walking up the stairs, when some random guy on the floor below us said "Hey". Right after he said, Heather tripped at the top of the stairs! I laughed! Then the guy was like "You just tripped...thought you ought to know." As soon as we got inside, I fell over on the chair laughing. I thought that the guy might have scared Heather, and that caused her to trip. I didn't notice him until he said "Hey". But, Heather said she did notice him. I just gave her a hard time about that.
Anyways, that is pretty much all that is new with me.
Speaking of DTC, we started doing Secret Pals. I'm the only tech person doing it (besides the guy doing sound, but he is still part of DTC, whereas I am hired through somebody else). I filled out the info sheet with things like: my theme for my bedroom is Harry Potter (I made sure to put that I am a Gryffindor); my favorite animals are penguins, dinosaurs, and phoenixes; my favorite band is Ministry of Magic; I like books. And probably some other stuff that I can't completely remember. I drew a name out of the hat, and got the person's info sheet. Actually, I didn't get it until the next day because I couldn't find hers. I went to walmart and got some stuff for her. I'm going to try to go to the Dollar Tree next time so I won't have to spend so much money. I plan on mixing the gifts up some. Like, my first gift was just candy. For this week I may get some movie watching stuff, or fun stuff like bubbles, or even some healthy stuff to cure a sore throat from singing a lot. The person who drew my name got me a big thing of Gatarade and some candy.
Heather and I walked back to our suite after Saturday night's performance. We were walking up the stairs, when some random guy on the floor below us said "Hey". Right after he said, Heather tripped at the top of the stairs! I laughed! Then the guy was like "You just tripped...thought you ought to know." As soon as we got inside, I fell over on the chair laughing. I thought that the guy might have scared Heather, and that caused her to trip. I didn't notice him until he said "Hey". But, Heather said she did notice him. I just gave her a hard time about that.
Anyways, that is pretty much all that is new with me.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A Note to You:
Post by Isabella-
I wish that there were some way to make people be able to see through my eyes, for them to truly understand everything I've dealt with and be able to see how it effects my decisions and my future.
I decided to quit my internship after taking a few days to think it over and talk to people at school and home to understand how it will effect the rest of my undergraduate time at NSU. My advisor will be giving me an "I" for the course so that I can redo the internship whenever and she can replace the "I" with the grade I receive and I won't have to pay for the course again. So, quitting will not effect my grade or my financial aid for the rest of my undergrad. stuff. I explained the situation to my advisor and my mom and a friend of the family and my roommate and a few select friends. They all agree that quitting will make the rest of my undergraduate time more difficult, but some say that they agree with my decision to quit.
See, what I think people have trouble understanding is the fact that people only see what I choose to show them. So, in a situation like this they may think that I'm just a spoiled brat who doesn't want to do her job because it's difficult and the supervisor is also difficult. But that's not it. There's more to the story that you aren't seeing, because I'm not showing it to you. But after a text message my brother sent me last night about not quitting and "internships are supposed to suck" I decided to just lay the cards out there for everyone to see. Maybe then you'll stop viewing me as some brat who just doesn't want to do something because it's hard.
I started dating a guy during my sophomore year of college. He seemed to be everything to me and I fell in love with him very quickly. But the relationship turned ugly after a few months. I found out he was cheating on me with a lot of girls. I confronted him about it and that's when the mess just got messier. It was a pretty cold day when I decided to go to his room and confront him about everything I had heard. He had just moved into the room a floor above mine so I put on my cow slippers and went upstairs. He let me in and I sat down on his bed. He sat down at his desk and went back to whatever he was doing before I got there. I didn't know how to ask him if he was cheating on me or how to bring up the evidence I had that he was doing this to me. So, we just talked for a few minutes about nothing important before I just blurted out something about how I knew he was cheating on me. He was angry that I accused him of that, that much was obvious. He kept trying to talk in circles about how he wasn't cheating and how could I ever accuse him of that and he loves me so much. But I stood my ground. I had evidence on my side, proof that he was cheating on me so I wasn't going to just let him brush it all under the rug. Then I started naming off girls I was sure he had cheated on me with: Rebecca, Jessica, Katie....etc. By this point he had moved from his desk to sit next to me on his bed. The conversation continued for a little bit before he reacted out of anger and hit me. I don't think I even tried to leave at that point. I knew that he was stronger than me and that if he really wanted to hurt me he could. But he just apologized over and over and over again and eventually we swept it under the rug and acted like it never happened.
Over the next year, he continued to cheat, I continued to call him out on it and he continued to hit me. He's knocked my head into walls, bed posts, doors; he's pushed me against a radiator while it was on. Each injury I excused with saying I'm just clumsy and everything's fine. He played mind games and was an emotional manipulator on top of everything else he was.
I broke it off with him for good in late October of 2009. At that point I started having nightmares every other night. The nightmares got worse when I got back from Honduras in January of 2010. I started having nightmares every night, anywhere from 2 to 10 nightmares. It's been nearly a year a half since those nightmares got worse and it's just as bad as ever. I started having problems with confrontation. At first it was just that if someone was mad at me and confronted me I felt sick. But it developed into if someone starts raising their voice at me I start shaking and crying and going back to that time with my ex. I get this irrational fear that whoever is yelling at me is going to hit me even if they're someone I know would never do that to me.
So, this brings us to the present. I've already explained that I hate my job. But maybe now you'll be able to understand why I can't continue working at a place where my supervisor yells at me every day. Maybe now you'll stop thinking that I'm a spoiled brat who just doesn't want to do two months of solid, hard work. Maybe now you'll understand that I'm a girl with problems I have no control over. Maybe now you'll understand why the idea of going to a job that makes me constantly go back to that place in my head gives me panic attacks.
But knowing you for who you are, you'll just say that I'm overly emotional or that I need to suck it up.
I wish that there were some way to make people be able to see through my eyes, for them to truly understand everything I've dealt with and be able to see how it effects my decisions and my future.
I decided to quit my internship after taking a few days to think it over and talk to people at school and home to understand how it will effect the rest of my undergraduate time at NSU. My advisor will be giving me an "I" for the course so that I can redo the internship whenever and she can replace the "I" with the grade I receive and I won't have to pay for the course again. So, quitting will not effect my grade or my financial aid for the rest of my undergrad. stuff. I explained the situation to my advisor and my mom and a friend of the family and my roommate and a few select friends. They all agree that quitting will make the rest of my undergraduate time more difficult, but some say that they agree with my decision to quit.
See, what I think people have trouble understanding is the fact that people only see what I choose to show them. So, in a situation like this they may think that I'm just a spoiled brat who doesn't want to do her job because it's difficult and the supervisor is also difficult. But that's not it. There's more to the story that you aren't seeing, because I'm not showing it to you. But after a text message my brother sent me last night about not quitting and "internships are supposed to suck" I decided to just lay the cards out there for everyone to see. Maybe then you'll stop viewing me as some brat who just doesn't want to do something because it's hard.
I started dating a guy during my sophomore year of college. He seemed to be everything to me and I fell in love with him very quickly. But the relationship turned ugly after a few months. I found out he was cheating on me with a lot of girls. I confronted him about it and that's when the mess just got messier. It was a pretty cold day when I decided to go to his room and confront him about everything I had heard. He had just moved into the room a floor above mine so I put on my cow slippers and went upstairs. He let me in and I sat down on his bed. He sat down at his desk and went back to whatever he was doing before I got there. I didn't know how to ask him if he was cheating on me or how to bring up the evidence I had that he was doing this to me. So, we just talked for a few minutes about nothing important before I just blurted out something about how I knew he was cheating on me. He was angry that I accused him of that, that much was obvious. He kept trying to talk in circles about how he wasn't cheating and how could I ever accuse him of that and he loves me so much. But I stood my ground. I had evidence on my side, proof that he was cheating on me so I wasn't going to just let him brush it all under the rug. Then I started naming off girls I was sure he had cheated on me with: Rebecca, Jessica, Katie....etc. By this point he had moved from his desk to sit next to me on his bed. The conversation continued for a little bit before he reacted out of anger and hit me. I don't think I even tried to leave at that point. I knew that he was stronger than me and that if he really wanted to hurt me he could. But he just apologized over and over and over again and eventually we swept it under the rug and acted like it never happened.
Over the next year, he continued to cheat, I continued to call him out on it and he continued to hit me. He's knocked my head into walls, bed posts, doors; he's pushed me against a radiator while it was on. Each injury I excused with saying I'm just clumsy and everything's fine. He played mind games and was an emotional manipulator on top of everything else he was.
I broke it off with him for good in late October of 2009. At that point I started having nightmares every other night. The nightmares got worse when I got back from Honduras in January of 2010. I started having nightmares every night, anywhere from 2 to 10 nightmares. It's been nearly a year a half since those nightmares got worse and it's just as bad as ever. I started having problems with confrontation. At first it was just that if someone was mad at me and confronted me I felt sick. But it developed into if someone starts raising their voice at me I start shaking and crying and going back to that time with my ex. I get this irrational fear that whoever is yelling at me is going to hit me even if they're someone I know would never do that to me.
So, this brings us to the present. I've already explained that I hate my job. But maybe now you'll be able to understand why I can't continue working at a place where my supervisor yells at me every day. Maybe now you'll stop thinking that I'm a spoiled brat who just doesn't want to do two months of solid, hard work. Maybe now you'll understand that I'm a girl with problems I have no control over. Maybe now you'll understand why the idea of going to a job that makes me constantly go back to that place in my head gives me panic attacks.
But knowing you for who you are, you'll just say that I'm overly emotional or that I need to suck it up.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The Flying Job Search!
1) So, while in horror lit today, the teacher started talking about somebody who wrote an opera called The Flying Dutchman. It was about somebody who had to sail the seas forever, and after a certain amount of time he had to come on land and find a woman who would love him or something. While he was talking, I kinda stopped paying attention. Then I started thinking, where have I heard that title before? It took me awhile to realize where that was from. Then I remembered: Davy Jones. The teacher was about to move on, when I was all like, "Isn't the Flying Dutchman the ship of Davy Jones?" He didn't seem to know what I was talking about, but one of the girls in the class knew. So I said Davy Jones was charged to sail the seas forever and ferry the souls of those who died at sea to...some place. And once every 10 years he could go ashore. Not to find someone who would love him. At least, not according to what Pirates of the Caribbean taught me.
2) I stopped the drop zone to say hi to Lucy. And I mentioned that I still needed to find a job for the fall. That led into her boss giving me an application. Then I stopped by the bookstore, since it was just upstairs (by the way, they are not building a skating rink where the bowling place used to be in the basement, jsyk). I talked to the store manager and told him I had originally put an application in for the summer, but that I was needing a job for the fall. It just so happened that he saw my application today. I just have to leave my schedule with one of the workers, and he will look at it. So now I have two potential jobs to consider. The drop zone might allow me to be able to do my hw at the desk, but I had wanted the bookstore because, well, because of the books.
3) French the Llama! That whale is big!
2) I stopped the drop zone to say hi to Lucy. And I mentioned that I still needed to find a job for the fall. That led into her boss giving me an application. Then I stopped by the bookstore, since it was just upstairs (by the way, they are not building a skating rink where the bowling place used to be in the basement, jsyk). I talked to the store manager and told him I had originally put an application in for the summer, but that I was needing a job for the fall. It just so happened that he saw my application today. I just have to leave my schedule with one of the workers, and he will look at it. So now I have two potential jobs to consider. The drop zone might allow me to be able to do my hw at the desk, but I had wanted the bookstore because, well, because of the books.
3) French the Llama! That whale is big!
To Isabella
Post by Amelia--
So, my alarm went off at 7 this morning. I got up, walked to my dresser, turned it off, then walked back to bed and snuggled under the covers. After a few minutes, I decided to actually get up. I went to see if anyone else was awake. Heather was gone, and the other 2 were still sleeping. I noticed that there were notes on Kaitlan and Lucy's door, and then I noticed that I had one too. It was from Heather, and it said "Have a great day!" or something to that effect. I thought that was so sweet of her. And it's not the first time she has done something sweet for us. Every once in awhile she buys all of us some chocolate, or does the dishes for us or does laundry for me when I'm not expecting it (I have only asked her to do laundry for me once). Last night she also made a get well card for someone she works with, and gave her some candy along with it. I just think that is awesome. She seems to always be positive even when she is having problems. The note this morning made me happy. It gave me a little encouragement.
It always makes me feel good when someone does something nice for me like that just out of the blue. I like it when I'm upset about something too, but random notes like that really make my day better. I try to make other people feel better, but there are times when I'm distracted enough not to really care about it. Or just don't think about it. This is a bad trait to have.
I keep thinking about to when we did the book study over the 5 love languages. And then I think about the class I'm taking this summer, positive pyschology. I think that it is hard to always be positive, especially towards other people when we are going through our own problems. But, I also think that if we practiced it enough, it would be easier.
On that note, I have said it before and I will say it again, I'm glad that we are best friends. You are an awesome person to be around. I enjoy our silly conversations, our serious conversations, and our silly serious conversations. I know that we have had our disagreements and bad fights. But you have helped to make me who I am. You work hard and study hard and care about others.
You have gone through a lot since I've known you. I know that some things scare you now because of it. But you always come out strong. You might still be struggling stuff, but you have overcome many obstacles. I know you will get through the problems you are dealing with now. You are still able to laugh in spite of it.
You were always there for me through my biggest issues. I want you to know that I am here for you. I love you, and don't know where I would be without you. Thank you so much for all of the encouragement and support you have given me. I hope that, if we ever go our separate ways, that we will still remain as close as we are now. Not many friendships will last a lifetime. I hope that ours will.
So, my alarm went off at 7 this morning. I got up, walked to my dresser, turned it off, then walked back to bed and snuggled under the covers. After a few minutes, I decided to actually get up. I went to see if anyone else was awake. Heather was gone, and the other 2 were still sleeping. I noticed that there were notes on Kaitlan and Lucy's door, and then I noticed that I had one too. It was from Heather, and it said "Have a great day!" or something to that effect. I thought that was so sweet of her. And it's not the first time she has done something sweet for us. Every once in awhile she buys all of us some chocolate, or does the dishes for us or does laundry for me when I'm not expecting it (I have only asked her to do laundry for me once). Last night she also made a get well card for someone she works with, and gave her some candy along with it. I just think that is awesome. She seems to always be positive even when she is having problems. The note this morning made me happy. It gave me a little encouragement.
It always makes me feel good when someone does something nice for me like that just out of the blue. I like it when I'm upset about something too, but random notes like that really make my day better. I try to make other people feel better, but there are times when I'm distracted enough not to really care about it. Or just don't think about it. This is a bad trait to have.
I keep thinking about to when we did the book study over the 5 love languages. And then I think about the class I'm taking this summer, positive pyschology. I think that it is hard to always be positive, especially towards other people when we are going through our own problems. But, I also think that if we practiced it enough, it would be easier.
On that note, I have said it before and I will say it again, I'm glad that we are best friends. You are an awesome person to be around. I enjoy our silly conversations, our serious conversations, and our silly serious conversations. I know that we have had our disagreements and bad fights. But you have helped to make me who I am. You work hard and study hard and care about others.
You have gone through a lot since I've known you. I know that some things scare you now because of it. But you always come out strong. You might still be struggling stuff, but you have overcome many obstacles. I know you will get through the problems you are dealing with now. You are still able to laugh in spite of it.
You were always there for me through my biggest issues. I want you to know that I am here for you. I love you, and don't know where I would be without you. Thank you so much for all of the encouragement and support you have given me. I hope that, if we ever go our separate ways, that we will still remain as close as we are now. Not many friendships will last a lifetime. I hope that ours will.
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